One man explains that when he says, "It's not you, it's me," he's not ALWAYS lying. Perhaps the most tired trope in breakups is “He’s just not that into you.” It’s so clichéd that it was made into a movie about… Baltimore’s inner harbor, I think. I don’t really remember because I saw it with a totally nice and reasonable girl who I broke up with shortly thereafter. The reason? That other worn-out excuse: “It’s not you, it’s me.”Very often, a guy isn’t lying when he pulls out that one. Why do guys do this sort of thing? Specifically, why would a guy dump a girl he actually likes? So many reasons. So many dumb, dumb reasons. Get ready for an ugly look into the male psyche: Here are seven reasons a guy will break up with you, even if he legitimately likes you.Sometimes, this is a mutual feeling. Two people get along great—laughing and doing all the couple stuff you see in commercials for prescription medications—and then get to the bedroom, and it’s just a big ol’ zero. Everyone realizes it, they agree to part ways, and they maybe even stay friends post-breakup.Sometimes, though, only one person feels this way. For many guys, it’s easier to just cut and run than try to actually work on bedroom stuff. Sure, everything else might be perfect, but some guys are totally focused on the one thing that isn’t. But wait, it gets worse.What if the sex is outstanding? Maybe your guy is 100 percent pleased and loves sleeping with you. But maybe he thinks he can do better. Or different. Or anyone. That may be grounds for a breakup.Why do guys think this? No one knows. According to romantic comedies, scientific studies about apes, and your bitter great aunt, men are biologically wired to seek out as many sexual partners as possible—even when he is otherwise interested in you.A subtle distinction, I know, but hear me out. This is the sexual equivalent of wanderlust, also known as regular lust. He may feel that the grass is greener on the other side and may even want to experience the thrill of the chase by hitting on random girls in bars or in clubs or in coffee shops or in libraries.This can be a self-esteem issue and is possibly related to him feeling like his flirting muscle has atrophied. This is the type of breakup most closely associated with him calling you at 2 a.m. crying after realizing he’s made a terrible mistake. Savor his tears. He is a dummy.Not every guy’s friend group is Entourage, but most guys have that one Johnny Drama telling them all sorts of nonsense about their relationship. “Bro, you can totally do better. She doesn’t even let you skip her dad’s funeral to crush beers at a three-day yacht party co-hosted by Justin Bieber’s tattoo artist and the animatronic T-Rex from Jurassic Park!”But some men are weak and will dump a girl they really like just because their friends made the “woo-PISH” whip noise for two hours.RELATED: Why Your Guy Can't Stand Your Best FriendGuy friends are way in your face about not liking your girlfriend. Moms use guile and cunning, like Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones.What did you ever do to piss his mom off? Did you not take Psych 101? The first page of the Freud section should cover all the ways in which you screwed up.RELATED: How to Get Along with Your In-LawsSome guys are very career-oriented. Some guys write about sex stuff on the Internet . Anyway, if your man is offered a position that will take him to another city or country or a plane of existence requiring him to work 24/7 while hooked up to a machine that harnesses his dreams for profit, he may have to make an honest choice. Every relationship requires sacrifice, and a guy may decide to sacrifice the relationship itself if he decides the job is too good to pass up. He probably works in finance, by the way, and you’ll be better off without him.This is the saddest of the breakups and the one that usually follows him taking the big job in Tampa while leaving you behind in Tucson. He may really, really like you, but the combination of not seeing you enough and blowing through his salary on plane tickets and FedEx packets of love letters may force him into a pragmatic solution.This type of breakup may not be fatal. You guys should totally reconcile in an airport somewhere while all the other passengers applaud. It turns out they were cheering because they all got upgraded to first class, but still.
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Tuesday, April 28, 2015
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