How My Marriage Changed When My Husband Became a Stay-at-Home Dad

“The last three years have been incredibly rewarding for all of us.” We never planned for Dylan to be a stay-at-home dad.During our early years as “mom” and “dad,” I worked part-time, splitting my days working as a social worker and researcher and taking care of our two boys, Ashland, now 7, and Wiles, now 9. Still, my job required much more than the 20 hours per week you’d expect of a part-time job, making tasks like driving the kids to doctors' appointments and packing lunches a strain.Meanwhile, Dylan worked as a creative director at a company in New York City, a two-hour commute from our home in Beacon, New York. He spent four hours every day on the train—and that was after the long days he already put in at the office. Traveling so much for work was constant.There was a lot of fighting—both internally and between the two of us. We were tired, overworked, and unhappy.Then, three years ago, when our sons were 6 and 4, Dylan was laid off from work. Luckily, at the same time, my company was expanding, and I was able to segue into a new leadership role with more responsibilities and hours. So we decided Dylan would stay home with the boys and I would work full-time.RELATED: Why Quitting My Job Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to My RelationshipWe had a lot of mixed feelings about the change. On the one hand, change is always hard. I was sad to give up more time with the boys, and even with my bigger paycheck, we knew we would still be taking in less money each month than we had been with both of us working outside of the house. On the other hand, it gave Dylan a pretty awesome opportunity to spend more time and deepen his relationship with the boys. Neither of us grew up with a full-time father in our lives, so we really valued the fact that Dylan would have this time with our children. Plus, what woman wouldn’t be excited to have her hubby do all of the housework for a change?But at first, the pendulum swung a bit too far. Instead of the new setup relieving strain, our roles simply reversed. We still existed like ships passing—I just left for work before anyone was awake and came home after everyone was in bed. I'm extremely passionate about my work, so it’s been empowering for me to dedicate herself to it and advance my career—but the boys missed me.Dylan and I have much different parenting styles—as is true with virtually any couple.We realized that things had to change—again. So we would have more time together as a family, I adjusted my schedule so that I could work from home a couple days per week, which really helped out. Dylan started taking on a freelance work here and there to help out with the bills. He now does most of the household and child stuff during the week, and I pitch in on the home front during the weekends. It’s made us really work together as a team, rather than simply dividing and conquering.RELATED: What It's Like to Make More Than Your HusbandTo be honest, I've been a lot happier not having to manage work with worrying about soccer uniforms. It’s relieved a lot of my stress, and in turn, that’s made both of us happier. Happy wife, happy life, right? Plus, Dylan has really gotten into the stay-at-home thing. He takes ownership in everything he does and is incredibly systematic about organizing and running the household.For better or for worse, our lives are about to make another big change. Dylan is in the process of trying to find a full-time job. We wish we could get by on one paycheck alone, but, unfortunately, that’s just not our reality. We’ve recently had to move the boys to a new school because of our too-tight budget. Even though, to Dylan, staying home with the boys has been more rewarding than any office job, it’s clear that we need two incomes.RELATED: Just How Much Should You Sacrifice to Make Your Relationship Work?Ideally, Dylan’s new job will give him some flexibility so he can still stay at home with the boys. Or if the paycheck is big enough, maybe I will be able to pull back a bit from work. Parenthood is always a juggling game. You do what you need to do.Luckily, the last three years that Dylan has stayed at home with the boys have been incredibly rewarding for all of us. He has become closer to our boys, and in many ways, we have become closer and stronger as a couple. We’re not sure what the future holds, and Dylan’s already upset about the idea of not being around for the kids as much. Whatever job he ends up taking, he says that being a stay-at-home dad was the best job he could have ever asked for.

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