5 Women Share Their Real-Life Honeymoon Horror Stories

It's not all champagne and great sex. My husband, Chris, and I were pretty poor when we got married. We weren’t subsisting solely on ramen noodles and sitting on cardboard furniture, but we definitely didn’t have any extra cash to splurge on a splashy honeymoon.Luckily, my parents stepped in and kindly offered us the use of their new, untested timeshare in Florida. It was a sweet gesture, and we really appreciated it. But the place was basically...how do I say this nicely?...a resort for old people.Chris and I would hit the pool in the morning and would have to wait until the sunrise aqua aerobics class wrapped up, featuring the smooth moves of seasoned ladies who moved at a glacial pace. We regularly rubbed elbows with couples in walkers and wheelchairs, and nightlife in the area shut down by 8 p.m., leaving our entertainment options limited.There was also a massive seaweed invasion in the ocean, making it impossible to jump in the water without resurfacing as a sea monster.RELATED: We DARE You to Try and Guess the Most Popular Honeymoon SpotBut despite the unusual environment, we had a great time and still managed to do plenty of the usual honeymoon-type stuff.I recently chatted with some friends about their honeymoon experiences and realized I have zero to complain about. While some had the blissful honeymoon experiences you dream of, others definitely didn’t:“I got sun poisoning on the first day of our two-week Maui honeymoon. It was on my scalp because my hair was parted. A couple of days later, my entire forehead was so swollen because gravity had brought the swelling and fluid down. It even looked like my eyes were crossed because the bridge of my nose was so swollen. We ended up having to go to urgent care and missed the best sunset of our entire trip. My husband will never let me forget it!” —JennaRELATED: 9 Things People Wish They Knew Before Going on Their Honeymoon“We had a honeymoon surprise when we checked into our hotel room in Cancun. When my husband, Ryan, and I got settled in the room and hopped in the fluffy white bed, our make-out session was interrupted by an unwelcome sight: evidence of someone else’s hot sex in the form of a butt print on the glass partition dividing the bedroom from the bathroom. I am no forensics expert, but the two round greasy spots and the handprints higher up told the tale. Also on this trip, Ryan's slippers got doused with insecticide when the hotel sprayed our room for ants, we got so sunburned we spent one whole day in bed with aloe and 30 Rock DVDs, and some dude sent over Champagne to us at dinner when we told him it was our honeymoon, and then followed up that kind gesture by handing us some 'great pills' that would give us the 'best sex of our lives' on his way out the door. We did not consume these pills from this shady stranger. Ryan tossed them in some hedges after we left the restaurant because our route back to the hotel passed by the police station.” —Martha“We took a cruise for our honeymoon, and my husband was seasick most of the time. When he wasn’t throwing up, he was laid up in bed. On one night, when they were having a fancy dinner on the ship that was like a prom, he rallied and got dressed up…and ended up having to leave to go puke. I stayed at the dinner alone.” —LizRELATED: Do These 9 Things And You'll Never Need Couples' Therapy“My husband and I went to the Dominican Republic for our honeymoon, and it’s one of those places where you’re not supposed to drink the water. We didn’t find out until later that it meant we shouldn’t brush our teeth with the water, either, so we spent the majority of our honeymoon running to the bathroom. It wasn’t exactly romantic.” —Katie“We made the incredibly stupid move to schedule our flight for our honeymoon early the day after our wedding. We saved a few hundred dollars that way. Of course we missed our flight. I ended up in tears in the airport, which wasn’t exactly how I imagined the whole thing would start off. Luckily, we made it the next day, but day one of our honeymoon completely sucked.” —Sarah...And that is why I’m now convinced that I had the best honeymoon ever.--Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, wife, and mom to a little 2-year-old dude named Miles. Korin has worked for The Washington Post, New York Daily News, and Cosmopolitan, where she learned more than anyone ever should about sex. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.

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