How to Get a Guarded Guy to Open Up When Something's Clearly Wrong

He's obviously not "fine." So your man is going through a rough patch, but for some odd reason he doesn't want to crack open a bottle of chardy and vent? Listen in as Bill Phillips, editor-in-chief of Men's Health and author of The Better Man Project, cracks the male code once and for all.WH: We can usually tell if our guy is wrestling with something, but nine times out of 10, he won't discuss it. How the eff do we help?BP: Men like to feel strong, and part of that is figuring out our own problems. There's a powerful current of "shit I have yet to solve" in the back of most men's heads. So just say, "If you need to talk, I'm here." Then drop it. Don't offer solutions or hound him to chat about it; he'll just feel pressured and clam up. Ninety-nine percent of the time, whatever he's pissed about he'll get over on his own. For the other 1 percent, let him come to you in his own time.RELATED: How to Help Your Man Be the Best He Can BeAnd in the meantime, just deal with him being kind of a jerk?No, call him out! Tell him you love him but he's being an ass and you'll be back when he can act normally. When men are stressed out about something, it's easy to lose the big picture. This'll remind him—fast.Okay. Let's talk about a few specific scenarios. First: My husband is upset that he gained weight, but he's not doing anything about it either. How do I motivate him without seeming to insult him?If you can be honest with him, do it. My wife will straight-up tell me if I've gained a bit of weight because she knows it's important for me to be healthy. She's not mean about it, so I don't feel attacked. If your guy can't take that level of truth, make it about you. A Johns Hopkins study found that 70 percent of men stepped up their fitness game when their wives did. So if you say, "I've gained a few pounds and need to go for a bike ride," he'll probably consider his own fat ass and tag along.RELATED: This Could be the Key to Bringing That New-Love Buzz Back to Your RelationshipWhat if he's having confidence issues because he is earning less than I do or, say, loses his job?Over the past 10 years, a lot of guys I know have chosen to stay home with their kids. It was an easy decision: The wife had a more promising career trajectory or made more money. More power to her!That said, losing a job can definitely dent a guy's confidence. Help him deal with that as you would any loss: Challenge him to keep perspective, to not get down on himself, and to see the situation as an opportunity to reinvent himself. Remind him that you don't get many chances in life to take stock of who you are and to assess what impact you want to make.Tell the truth: Does sex really solve everything?Absolutely—for about half an hour.RELATED: 13 Times Sex Actually Is the Answer to Your ProblemFor more tips to keep your man happy and healthy, pick up The Better Man Project: 2,476 Tips and Techniques That Will Flatten Your Belly, Sharpen Your Mind, and Keep You Healthy and Happy for Life!, by Bill Phillips, available in stores and online. Published by Rodale Inc., publisher of Women's Health.

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