Lisa Find Love

Despite my decades of training and practice in psychotherapy, I had not heard of Hakomi therapy until a couple of years ago, when a client asked me about it. The client studied Taoist philosophy and mindfulness and was wondering if anyone in the area practiced Hakomi. I was intrigued and began to search for information, and was delighted when this book became available.

While the main authors are  Halko Weiss, Greg Johanson, and Lorena Monda, twenty-three writers contributed to this work, including the founder of Hakomi, the late Ron Kurtz. They come from all over the world.

I am drawn to Hakomi because of its use of the body in therapy. What neuroscience, my clients, and self examination teach me more and more is that the mind-body dichotomy is a false one. I have seen people who had epiphanies about their behavior and decision making — but who were then unable to move the insight from their heads to their hearts. Ron Kurtz recognized that long ago. He took therapy beyond just talk and involved the whole person.

Hakomi takes into account that we carry our memories and traumas and feelings in our physical bodies. The system that we live in is nonlinear and our experiences are processed “from within and without.”

As the book puts it, “We do not merely live in the world, we live in the world as we view it, construct it, or interpret it.” We construct our reality based on our core beliefs. Our experiences along the way affect that construct, but that construct and those core beliefs begin forming before we have conscious memory and the ability of language. Among the principles emphasized over and over again in the book is that insight is not enough. It takes experience to modify experience.

I love the respect that Hakomi has for clients. Defensiveness is not seen as denial or rationalization or some mechanism. Defensiveness is met with compassion and curiosity, and the therapist helps the client explore where the defense is coming from, and realizes that the defense is there for a reason.

One thing I noticed while working in a traditional “denial busting” substance-abuse model many years ago is that the harder therapists pushed against defenses, the better those defenses could become. After all, the defense was there to protect the person. Hakomi places a great emphasis on the state of mind of the therapist and the relationship with the client.

Hakomi also looks at actions as skillful or not skillful and realizes that the flow of the process is not the same for every client — and that it even changes over the course of a single session. What is important is trust, nonviolence, mindfulness of both the therapist and client, and staying with the nonlinear and organic process. One of the principles is that a system cannot change within itself, and one of the processes is called JOOTS, or “jumping out of the system.” This can help us to break the pattern of repeating the same thing over and over again.

Therapists who use Hakomi conduct experiments with clients to help them find patterns and systems on a deep level and to begin to change. How many times has someone tried a “geographic cure” only to wind up in the same situation with the same types of people in the new place? Hakomi helps a person where she or he is.

The book contains extensive information on how Hakomi came to be, as well as its theoretical underpinnings, methods and therapeutic strategies, and techniques and interventions. Hakomi draws from many, many theories and philosophies both eastern and western. It was one of the first, if not the first, to specifically emphasize mindfulness.

The book also includes many stories and examples of the therapy itself.  It sounds like it takes very disciplined and skillful therapists to practice Hakomi. This extensive book can teach you much about it, but to practice Hakomi, you need to study with a Hakomi teacher.

The final chapter is on research and historical context. Weiss and Johanson state that despite over 2,500 studies on the efficacy of mindfulness in therapy, there needs to be more studies specifically on Hakomi. The authors do point out that outcome measures can and are used in Hakomi. Perhaps the accumulation of positive outcomes will put Hakomi into the category of, as Scott Miller calls it, practice-based evidence. Whether you intend to learn Hakomi or not, this book is a worthwhile read to expand your knowledge of how we change.

Hakomi Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy: A Comprehensive Guide to Theory and Practice
W. W. Norton & Company, May 2015
Paperback, 432 pages
$42.50

Some of us notice that the same patterns and same storylines keep coming up as we get older. Some of us make New Year’s resolutions, or write down our goals, or pray and light candles and hope that something — God, the universe — intervenes and just fixes us. But often, the toxic relationships we want to stop getting into keep recurring. The anger continues to boil over. The anxiety and self-doubt keep on waking us in the night. Around in circles we go: we see the pattern, we make the promise to change, life happens, and we’re back at the start. We think we’ve taken some of the right steps, and we’re not sure why we’re the same.

According to psychologist and ordained Christian minister Richard P. Krummel, there are four parts to the ultimate solution: intellectual, emotional, behavioral, and spiritual. To address our issues, he writes in Fear, Control and Letting Go: How Psychological Principles and Spiritual Faith Can Help Us Recover from Our Fears, we must work on each part in order to ultimately make change happen.

Krummel discusses how, ultimately, fear is at the root of almost every issue, and how the four parts all play their own role in either sustaining our fears or overcoming them. “For example,” he writes, “a man knows that he will not die from apologizing to his spouse (the intellectual), but he is afraid to apologize (the emotional) and does not want to apologize because he has a habit of not apologizing (the behavioral). When we behave with high levels of fear, we do not live in faith (the spiritual).”

Life experiences and interactions with others influence our development of fears, anxieties, and insecurities, Krummel writes. In the book, he provides both psychological and spiritual tools to treat and overcome these problems.

The tools that Krummel provides in both the psychological and spiritual sections of the book cover a wide range of areas. He devotes an entire section to exploring the importance and use of affirmations, and also provides exercises for creating your own personal affirmations. Another tool is what he calls “Think of an Audience.” You should, he writes, treat yourself the way you would a child or the way you would if there were an audience present. It is unlikely that you would berate yourself in front of a large audience, so why do it in the quiet of your mind?

Throughout the book, Krummel emphasizes the importance of reminders. Whether they are affirmations you repeat to yourself every time you brush your teeth, or sticky notes you place throughout your home to remind you of your goals, they play, he writes, an important role in sustaining progress.

The spirituality section of the book focuses much on the importance of faith in recovery. Krummel provides an interesting chart that compares the characteristics of fear versus faith — such as pride versus humility, or resentment versus forgiveness. Resentment versus forgiveness is a topic that Krummel explores in depth in its own chapter, which allows for a deeper look at how these characteristics hinder or help us. He includes a forgiveness exercise and chart to assist the reader in pursuing forgiveness of others. He also emphasizes the importance of acceptance: acceptance of the life situations at hand, acceptance of life experiences, and acceptance of where a person is in their journey to recovery.

Recovery does not take place overnight, he writes, and it is important to acknowledge the progress that has been made and accept the place where you are in your own journey.

Krummel’s approach is straightforward. He does not overwhelm the reader with scientific terms, psychological jargon, or religiosity. His tone is compassionate and inviting, and he peppers the book with personal experiences and with stories from his patients.

As someone who has always sought the spiritual side of life, I found Krummel’s book appealing. The combination of the psychological and spiritual lends truth and strength. And, most important, Krummel’s concrete examples make his tools extremely clear. The book is not just a collection of rhetoric or theory, but can be applied directly to your life.

And for the reader who is interested in pursuing spiritual growth along the same lines as Krummel, I recommend a follow-up book: Jack Frost’s Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship. It is a deep exploration for the Christian who wishes to see radical change in their spiritual life.

Fear, Control, and Letting Go: How Psychological Principles and Spiritual Faith Can Help Us Recover from Our Fears
WestBowPress, February 2013
Paperback, 284 pages
$19.95

After caring for a parent with deadly Alzheimer’s disease, I found Marc Agronin’s new book matched my observations and experience. In The Dementia Caregiver, Agronin, an adult and geriatric psychiatrist with significant credentials, shares what he’s learned from patients and their families, providing a valuable guide. Really, the book should be required reading for everyone over the age of sixty-five because of the likelihood of having to deal with Alzheimer’s firsthand — although the book is aimed more at those younger adults who will have to contend with the disease in their parents or grandparents.

But, to be accurate, The Dementia Caregiver is not just about Alzheimer’s, but about neurocognitive disorders overall. Agronin points out that the term neurocognitive disorder is becoming a replacement for dementia to reduce stigma and to emphasize the impact on both the brain and mind. And among these types of disorder, Alzheimer’s represents about seventy percent of cases; meanwhile, vascular dementia represents about ten to twenty percent, frontotemporal dementia about three to ten percent, and Lewy bodies dementia about five to seven percent.

Agronin devotes a chapter to each, explaining the differences between the various diseases, and showing that even two people with the same disease can experience them differently. The book is full of medical information, but Agronin writes in a readable style using everyday, accessible words.

And although the likelihood of experiencing Alzheimer’s disease increases with age, Agronin writes, doubling every five years after we reach the age of sixty-five, neurocognitive disorder can stem from other causes. These include head trauma, stroke, tumors, oxygen loss, and more.

While Agronin educates us on symtoms and features, he also shows us how to be good caregivers to someone with one of these horrible diseases. Because the medical differences can be significant, and the age of the patient can vary widely, the support provided by caregivers may also need to be different. However, Agronin writes, there are caregiving attributes that cross the spectrum of disorders that can be valuable in all situations. These are, he writes, empathy, creativity, and courage. I can attest to these, too, both for the patient and for maintaining the wellbeing of the caregiver.

Most of these neurocognitive disorders progress over time to diminish or remove the patient’s abilities. Agronin takes us through these stages, describing the changes and how the caregiver can react to them. The patient can also experience depression or anxiety or become extremely agitated, sometimes to a point of physical aggression. Here again, Agronin offers possible solutions or adaptations. He also includes very helpful information about the many pharmaceuticals available and how they differ from one another.

Another valuable aspect of The Dementia Caregiver is its advice to people who do not yet have a neurocognitive disease. Many older people are fearful of one day getting Alzheimer’s. Very fearful. Agronin describes in detail the steps one should take when he or she suspects the onset of memory issues in oneself or a loved one. Often it is not Alzheimer’s, he writes, but has some other medical explanation due to another condition that is frequently solvable.

Another common problem is that too often we delay even talking about the issue with our physician for fear that it is in fact Alzheimer’s. As difficult as it might be to bring up these concerns, early identification is important.

If the primary care doctor identifies possible disease through a variety of tests, Agronin suggests that the patient then seek a complete evaluation from an expert, such as a psychiatrist specializing in geriatrics or a neurologist. This will help to rule out other possible illnesses and confirm whether or not the person has a neurocognitive disorder. Agronin explains what this process entails.

Alzheimer’s and other neurocognitive disorders can be awful for our loved ones. And while in some cases the patients themselves may not have full knowledge of their growing incapacities, we as caregivers do. It can be painful to watch our loved ones go through neurocognitive changes because we know how different their new behaviors are. Agronin helps us handle this difficult challenge.

The Dementia Caregiver: A Guide to Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Neurocognitive Disorders
Rowman & Littlefield, October 2015
Hardcover, 298 pages
$36

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1. What exactly is the Zika virus?

The Zika virus is a mosquito-borne illness spread primarily by the yellow fever (Aedes aegypti) mosquito, which is found in the United States in Florida, along the Gulf Coast, and in Hawaii, but has been seen as far north as Washington D.C. The Asian tiger (Aedes albopictus) mosquito can also transmit the Zika virus, and travels as far north as Chicago and New York in warm temperatures.

The Zika virus was first discovered in Ugandan monkeys in 1947. It spread to the South Pacific and caused an outbreak on Yap Island in the Federated States of Micronesia in 2007. The island’s population was too small for scientists to observe whether the virus caused side effects like birth defects or neurological damage. Symptoms—fever, joint pain, red eyes, and rash—are often ignored or considered the flu.

In early 2015, Brazil experienced a spike in Zika cases, and the virus quickly spread throughout other parts of the Americas. It could have been introduced in 2014, when Brazil hosted the FIFA World Cup and an international canoeing competition. The Zika virus is now in 23 countries in the Americas.

By 2016, health officials in Brazil had noticed another disturbing trend: Rates of microcephaly, a rare birth defect in which an infant is born with an abnormally small head, were rising rapidly. More than 4,000 cases of microcephaly have been reported in Brazil since authorities began investigating the surge in October. Fewer than 150 cases were reported in 2014.

2. So, the Zika virus causes microcephaly?

Scientists aren’t positive, but it’s strongly suspected. Little has been studied about the virus until now since it typically doesn’t cause serious symptoms. Microcephaly is often not detected until after the second trimester of pregnancy, but children born with it may face developmental challenges, learning disabilities, or physical limitations.

“Infants who have a neurological problem such as microcephaly can have problems with a lot of their basic functions,” says Amanda Moen, MD, a pediatric neurologist at Gillette Children’s Specialty Healthcare. “It might be difficulty walking or talking, or it might be difficulty coordinating a swallow.” Trouble eating raises the risk of an infant aspirating milk, which can lead to potentially fatal pneumonia or respiratory infections.

The Zika virus has also been linked to Guillain-Barre syndrome, a neurological syndrome that can cause paralysis, leading experts to believe the virus may somehow affect the nervous system.

3. How would I know if I had Zika? 

Most people don’t know when they’re infected, a reason the virus is difficult to track. “Eighty percent of people who get this [virus] don’t even know they have it,” says David Colombo, MD, division chief of maternal fetal medicine at Spectrum Health Medical Group.

Symptoms are usually mild. Along with fever, joint pain, rash, or conjunctivitis (red eyes), an affected person might experience headache and muscle pain. Hospitalization is uncommon, and symptoms generally only last up to a week. However, if you notice symptoms after you’ve visited an affected region, see a doctor right away.

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4. Am I still at risk for Zika if I haven’t traveled to a high-risk country?

There are no reports of local transmission in the United States, but there have been more than 30 cases of Zika infection among American citizens who visited areas affected by the virus, according to the CDC. There is a rare possibility that semen may carry the virus, but evidence is anecdotal.

“For the average American who is not traveling, this is not a problem,” Anne Schuchat, MD, of the CDC told reporters.

The states where the Zika virus has been confirmed among travelers returning from affected countries are: Hawaii, Arkansas, California, Florida, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Hawaii, New Jersey, Oregon, New York, Virginia, Texas, and the District of Columbia.

5. Can the Zika virus be prevented or cured?

There isn’t a vaccine or treatment for the Zika virus. The World Health Organization (WHO) stated it is taking steps to develop a vaccine, though it’s unlikely one will be available this year.

“I am encouraged by the fact that we do have a commercially available dengue vaccine this year, for the first time ever,” said vector biologist Laura Harrington, chair of the Department of Entomology at Cornell University, in a media video. “It is made within the backbone of the yellow fever vaccine, one of the most effective vaccines ever made. I suspect a good starting point would be trying to use that approach to design a Zika vaccine.”

6. What precautions should pregnant women take about the Zika virus?

If you’re pregnant and planning to visit (or recently visited) an area affected by Zika, and you’ve experienced symptoms of infection during your trip or two weeks after, the CDC suggests you consult your doctor and have a blood test taken.

Even if you don’t have symptoms, the CDC recommends ultrasounds for all women who have traveled to affected countries to detect if their fetuses are developing microcephaly. Unfortunately, there’s nothing that can be done to reverse the defect. However, early detection could help prepare families for the child’s needs.

“A family who is aware of a potential birth defect such as microcephaly can appropriately plan for the needs of this infant, which are going to be different from the needs of a healthy infant,” says Dr. Moen. “These mothers can then say, ‘I’m going to need a neurologist in addition to a pediatrician.’”

Government officials in Brazil, Ecuador, Colombia, and El Salvador have gone as far as to advise women to refrain from getting pregnant for up to two years. It might not be an easy solution, though: Contraceptive use in Latin American women is among the lowest in the world. Emergency contraceptive is often difficult to access, expensive, or illegal. Amnesty International estimates that more than 50 percent of pregnancies in Latin America are unplanned, and even for women who aim to abstain from sex, experts say high rates of sexual violence and strict abortion laws in Latin America may make the recommendations difficult.

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7. How will the Zika virus affect the 2016 Summer Olympics?

The Rio 2016 Summer Olympics begin in Brazil August 5. A spokesman for the Rio Olympics organizing committee said there have been no discussions about moving or canceling the Games because of Zika virus, and that teams were inspecting Olympic venues daily to eliminate problems such as sitting water where mosquitoes can breed.

“Dealing with mosquito breeding grounds goes a long way, but I don’t know if there’s any way to know if that’s going to be enough,” says Christina Leonard Fahlsing, MD, an attending physician of infectious diseases at Spectrum Health Medical Group. “We won’t know until after. They’re doing a lot to decrease risk, but they certainly cannot eliminate the risk.”

The temperatures will be colder in Brazil (where it is now summer) during the games, which may kill off mosquito populations and lower risk.

8. Could Zika become more of a threat in the U.S. when the weather gets warmer?

The WHO estimates that 3 to 4 million people across the Americas will be infected within a year. Sixty percent of Americans live in areas where Zika can be transmitted during the summer. However, living conditions in the United States will likely make the country less susceptible to the spread of the virus.

“Our living conditions in general don’t favor the transmission of these viruses as easily as in other countries,” says Dr. Leonard Fahlsing. “In poorer countries, it is explosive because people live so close together and may not have windows or air conditioning. I don’t see [Zika] spreading as quickly in this country as it has in Brazil.”

9. If I’m not pregnant (or planning to be), should I worry about going to an affected country? 

Not if you strictly adhere to birth control. Women who become unexpectedly pregnant during or after a trip to an affected area will need to face blood tests, monthly ultrasounds, and likely quite a bit of anxiety.

If you’re concerned, talk to your doctor before you travel. He or she may recommend precautions such as staying in places with air conditioning, using and reapplying insect repellent as directed, wearing long-sleeved shirts and long pants, or sleeping under a bed mosquito net.

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Instead of publishing a standard book of poetry, Erica Loberg has teamed up with John Brusseau to self-publish a volume that combines poems with analysis of those poems. In Screaming at the Void: An Expedition into the Heart of a Contemporary Poet, Loberg — who also writes a blog for Psych Central — offers poems related to her bipolar II disorder, as well as commentary on her own work. Then, Brusseau attempts to shed further light on each one of the poems as well, page for page.

Fittingly, the volume opens with these lines: “Wild rapture underneath the subway light / Tearing your eyes around to find him / Someone to dissect in your writing mind / Or talk to.”

Brusseau writes that Loberg’s story is the same as Cinderella’s. In general, he makes a comparison between the Cinderella story and the life of a patient with bipolar disorder. Meanwhile, Loberg’s poetry expresses depression, anger, and frustration. Her language is relatively direct. In “Depression is a Bedroom Wall,” Loberg writes: “I find hope that my next step / Will be more than hours of watching a wall / Even entertainment in the red paint / That gives me a color to watch.”

Loberg explains in her commentary that the poem is both a poem about depression but also about the “salvation” of finding something mundane to do when you cannot get out of bed.

For most of the poems, Brusseau’s analysis seems to be on point, clarifying the correlation between Loberg’s poetry and her bipolar disorder. There are a few poems, though, particularly the ones that speak about Loberg’s relationships with men, that do not seem to be bipolar specific.

For instance, “I’ll Call you Tomorrow” is about her experience with a man who said he’d call her tomorrow and did not. Brusseau attempts to connect the poem to the disorder, writing, “She has needed an identity, and that has rendered her bipolar, seeking her identity in the opposite poles of too much and not enough.”

However, it seems this poem speaks more to an experience common among many people in the dating world. The frustration of not being called the next day is one that has been discussed time and time again in sitcoms, movies, and books. Sex and the City, a show Loberg herself references in a few of the poems, examines this experience in more than one episode. Many of us can relate.

So, perhaps not all of the poems are entirely specific to Loberg’s bipolar disorder. Regardless, the volume provides an interesting glimpse into one woman’s thoughts, and some insight into a serious mental health issue.

Screaming at the Void: An Expedition into the Heart of a Contemporary Poet
Depth of View Publishing, July 2015
Paperback
$24

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Many of us will recall the phrase “Stop doodling and pay attention!” from our years in school. Note-taking can be boring compared to doodling and drawing — and sometimes students who are taking traditional notes are so busy scribbling down words that they miss the important parts.

In Visual Note-Taking for Educators, Wendi Pillars shows that doodling and drawing in class actually gives students an advantage.

Pillars, a teacher who specializes in English language learners, discusses the concept and the brain science of breaking down information into digestible chunks and integrating words with pictures. Creating visual representations of information, after all, appeals to auditory, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles. Children and adults naturally remember concepts and facts when presented with images. In the book, Pillars shows how visuals have empowered her students, as well as how easy it is to implement her techniques in the classroom.

Pillars illustrates the book with student examples. For instance, when students are learning new vocabulary words, she writes, visual note-taking can be a great help. One child, she writes, drew a picture of water and a sailboat to remember the word sail. Because this student created their own visual representation of the concept, the word was easier to retain.

Using images can especially help English language learners, Pillars writes. Students who would otherwise feel overwhelmed by the amount and speed of learning can sketch out concepts. That lets them better process what they are learning out loud from the teacher in their non-native language.

These sketches do not have to be elaborate, however. The idea is not to create perfect art but to draw something that will help that person learn.

And, Pillars writes, there will be students who are reluctant to draw. That’s okay, she says. As long as these students are using some type of note-taking or recall method, they are still working at it — and, in Pillars’s experience, they tend to eventually start drawing.

Positive psychologists and others often refer to the idea of visualizing success: research shows that picturing success helps a person make progress toward a goal. In her book, Pillars connects that idea to her visual note-taking techniques. Whereas some teachers have their students write about themselves at the beginning of the year, Pillars encourages instructors to have their kids create visual sketches of themselves. These can include visualizations of their goals for the year, their likes and dislikes, and their dreams for the future.

Overall, Pillars provides a useful resource to help students think in new ways and synthesize thoughts.

Visual Note-Taking for Educators: A Teacher’s Guide to Student Creativity
W. W. Norton & Company, November 2015
Paperback, 192 pages
$17.95

Sadly, many marriages in this country do not end well. For the last several years, the divorce rate has hovered over fifty percent for first marriages, and even higher for second marriages. And if you are among the divorced, Joanna Romer writes in her new book, “you are probably raw and hurting — especially if you are the abandoned one.”

In Divorced! Survival Techniques for Single over Forty, Romer draws upon her own experience as a twice-divorced woman, as well as the experiences of others. While readers who prefer an evidence-based approach with solid research will be disappointed, Romer does offer some practical tips.

Feeling lost, betrayed, or abandoned is typical if you are the person who has been told you are no longer necessary, Romer writes. You may also feel fear — including the fear that you will never find anyone else.

Romer encourages the reader to change their thinking and identity from “I am abandoned” to “I’m starting over.” She also suggests work as the number one antidote for divorce, after god. Indeed, Romer relies heavily on god to counter negative feelings. “We are never separated from God,” she writes, “and because of this, we can never be abandoned.” Her message may alienate readers who are not as religious as she is or do not believe in god.

“The most important thing to do after a divorce is for both partners to get on with your lives,” Romer writes. She encourages the reader to give love to themselves, remind themselves what they are good at at work and with friends, and treat themselves to rest and rejuvenation. She relies on several clichés, such as buying a new bottle of perfume or getting a haircut or personal trainer, but also suggests meditation. And she encourages readers to reconnect with old friends, join a singles club, or return to a favorite activity.

While you may be tempted to wallow in grief, Romer writes, “the cure for wallowing is love.” Romer gives us character studies of several people, including a man named Doc Roberts who has been divorced three times, and Kanani Lee, a woman who has been through a whopping ten marriages. Both, Romer writes, found solace in helping others. Roberts found ways to help those around him, and also took on two dogs that he cares for, and Lee returned home to care for her aging mother.

As Romer introduces each of the many stories of the successfully divorced, she offers their advice. Roberts, for instance, suggests being grateful, realizing you have a choice, and appreciating the little things. Lee encourages readers to become “best friends” with yourself, look at your marriages philosophically, and recognize patterns in your relationships — such as picking “needy partners.”

But Romer herself gives some advice that seems off-base. To combat heartache, she suggests that we “enliven our senses with a whirlpool bath at the gym.” And as for the loneliness readers might feel, Romer writes that it “isn’t a real thing. It’s just a cloud over happiness that can be warded off by providing yourself with thoughtful diversions.”

Divorce is likely to bring up unsettling feelings. For the person suffering from heartache or loneliness, these suggestions — especially that loneliness is not real — sound quite misguided.

What may be more useful to some readers is Romer’s notion that the best way to start over is to embrace a mission. She tells us that, different from a pastime or hobby, a mission is an ongoing commitment to a concept so inspiring that it goes beyond our normal, everyday life. And to know that we have begun again and made peace with our divorce, Romer offers fifteen signs to look for. These include going the whole day without thinking about your ex, having no urge to call him or her, not panicking about the upcoming holidays, being able to listen to certain songs without needing to change the radio station, and contemplating a major change in your life.

Though Romer does not offer in-depth analysis of the healing and recovery that may be necessary in divorce, readers may find some solace in the stories she shares of the successfully divorced. That said, this is not a research-based book, and readers who are looking for either evidence or a non-religious read will want to look elsewhere.

Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty
MSI Press, June 2015
Paperback, 140 pages
$9.95

It is easy to hope for a more satisfying love life, but are you truly connected to attaining one?

Can you imagine yourself in a happy, healthy, and stable relationship? Or do you notice yourself avoiding the answer?

Some of my single clients who are looking for a partner can so easily report that they go on dates and want love in their lives, but they tend to struggle with the articulation of their vision for achieving and keeping love. When asked to imagine what it would be like to have a loving partner, I receive long pauses, “huh” expressions and responses such as, “I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about that.” Wanting a partner is sometimes a vague concept with little substance or awareness.

In many ways it is no surprise that it might be easier to picture life being single (despite continuously searching for a relationship), but this mindset creates huge problems in the dating world. It represents incongruence in values, actions, and availability.

These responses are protective in nature and might resonate with you if you have been struggling with dating or operating on defense mechanisms to keep the discomfort associated with dating at a minimum. For instance, operating on cognitive distortions, such as negatively predicting the future (staying single, being dumped, ending up alone), shields you from the possibility of future disappointment. Unfortunately, it also leaves you less available for successful dating in the present.

Another reason why it is common for singles to feel cut off from their goals is fear. It may be too frightening or anxiety-provoking to picture a relationship actually working out or too uncomfortable or depressing to be let down after getting their hopes up. Often my clients will admit that they are unsure which option would induce more fear — staying single or landing a relationship. To avoid the fear, they continue to go on dates, but find it tough to make connections and take risks for love.

If it is easier to picture yourself indefinitely single, are you really, truly putting yourself out there and going after love?

In turn, staying detached and avoiding imagining yourself in your ideal relationship causes a lack of engagement in the dating process, making it extremely difficult to bond with potential partners and endure the vulnerability that comes with falling in love.

Going through the motions is not enough. Regardless of your tendency to protect yourself from uncomfortable emotions and situations, you must be wiling to believe in love and your ability to find it. Healthier, more reality-based beliefs will influence your behavior and aid you as you date.

Here are four strategies to connect with your desire for love:

1. Be present and focus on what you can connect to. If you are going to send a message, connect to why you are sending it. Connect to your desire and goal of a happy partnership and put that energy into your message. What are you hoping to gain? Why is sending a message important? How do you feel about sending a message? As you connect with your purpose, you will be less likely to be bogged down with negativity. Give more and come from an empowered place by focusing on your desires instead of your fears.

2. Don’t make dating or messaging a certain number of potential partners a part of your to-do list. This builds resentment, frustration, and boredom around dating. It is crucial to be aware of your state of mind when sending or replying to messages. It matters because there is no denying how strongly vibes can be felt through a computer screen.

3. See the big picture and understand what it takes to find a great partner. Just sending or replying to messages online is too narrow of a focus. It is important to grasp that meeting someone wonderful can happen anywhere, so be careful not to be too fixated on one method and miss others. Practice being open at all times.

4. Create valuable and intentional action by asking yourself uncomfortable questions, such as, where do I want my love life to be in 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? Picture your ideal partner or relationship and hone in on how you would like to feel. Write about your answers and match your behavior with what you want to attract. This exercise is not about unrealistic thinking; it is about fostering action and accountability that is congruent with your desires. Let what you want guide you.

About the Author:

Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor and relationship coach, specializing in psychotherapy for individuals and couples via her private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include relationships, self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Rachel is a co-author to Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life, an International Bestseller, written to support single women in decreasing frustration about single-hood, leaving the past behind, cultivating self-love and forming and maintaining loving relationships. Rachel also serves as a Relationship Expert for http://ift.tt/1vj3HQb and other dating and relationship advice websites. Follow her on Twitter for more daily wisdom!

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In the hotly-awaited Nicholas Sparks-penned romance ‘The Choice,’ (in theaters Feb.5), the leading man just happens to have an extra alluring profession: he’s a passionate caretaker of animals. Now who can resist that?

Here are 15 reasons to consider dating a veterinarian…

1. They’re patient. Their furry patients can be stubborn and aggressive. Vets respond to chaos with patience, gentleness, and a calming demeanor.

2. Veterinarians are passionate about their work. They don’t choose the career for its prestige or the money, they do it because they love it.

3. Veterinarians work hard. They endure countless years of tough schooling, long hours at clinics, and unexpected middle-of-the-night calls.

4. Scrubs are cute.

5. Veterinarians have seen it all. Nothing grosses them out. Or, if it does, they persevere through it.

6. Date a veterinarian and you’ll be dating someone who saves lives, eases pain, and helps lives end with dignity.

7. Veterinarians have thick skins — literally. They endure scratches and bites in the quest to make the lives of our furry friends better.

8. Veterinarians have rigorous hygiene standards. (No, your date won’t smell like a barn when she arrives for dinner.)

9. Veterinarians are smart, quick problem solvers, making life-and-death decisions on the spot and quickly assessing serious issues.

10. Veterinarians are big-hearted, often shedding tears with pet owners when animals’ lives end, and rejoicing with them when little miracles happen.

11. Veterinarians have the strength to do the right thing even when it’s difficult.

12. A sense of humor. Vets are able to laugh at the messes and stresses that comes with working with animals all day.

13. Veterinarians make kids smile, helping their pets recover from injuries and illnesses, and showing them how best to care for their canine pals.

14. Veterinarians have impressive job descriptions. They’re anesthesiologists, radiography technicians, surgery assistants, teachers, babysitters, physical therapists, playmates, protectors, cleaners, pharmacists, and best friends to needy animals.

15. Veterinarians know how to reassure others in stressful, difficult times. They know how to prepare people for bad news, and can console them when that bad news comes.

‘The Choice’ arrives in theaters Feb.5, 2016.

Motion Picture Artwork (c) 2016 Lions Gate Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: Dana Hawley

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Many people find the reality of getting older depressing. And depression itself often comes with a stigma. So when we talk about depression and aging combined, what results is a very complicated — and often hard to treat — issue.

Gary S. Moak, former president of the American Association for Geriatric Psychiatry, has written a new book to help. Beat Depression to Stay Healthier and Live Longer: A Guide for Older Adults and Their Families combines Moak’s years of experience working with elderly populations with the latest research on depression.

Moak begins by defining depression and clarifying many of the myths that surround it. The first clarification he makes — and perhaps the most important — is that old age is not itself depressing. Instead, Moak writes, it is a serious illness of its own.

While we might assume that illness, disability, and loss of independence all constitute depression, this is not the case, writes Moak. Depression also is not purely psychological. Instead, Moak tells us, it is condition that increases the risk of almost every physical ailment older adults finds themselves facing: things like Alzheimers and diabetes, even the risk of falling.

To make his case, Moak cites some powerful studies. Depression increases the chance of having a stroke. After a heart attack, depression doubles the chance of dying. Depression increases the likelihood that patients with chronic kidney disease will go on dialysis. Depression weakens the immune system — and, more generally, depressed people die sooner.

The reason depression so potently affects our physical health is due largely to one sole factor: elevated stress hormones. Unlike anxiety, which causes short-term elevations in cortisol, epinephrine, and adrenaline, depression leads to long-term elevation of stress hormones. This leads to a theory called “inflamm-aging.” According to this theory, Moak writes, “the lifelong, cumulative damaging effects of chronic inflammation are responsible for the telltale signs of aging and the common diseases that go with it.”

Yet given the deleterious physical and psychological effects of depression, many seniors are hesitant to seek, or even accept, treatment. They might be in denial, feel too pressured by their family members, feel as if they are being made to be crazy or senile, or want to handle the problem themselves. Or they might be afraid of taking pills, becoming addicted to those pills, or being forced prematurely into a nursing home.

For each of these objections, Moak offers sound and easily applicable steps that family members can take. For example, he suggests that, to overcome the fear of being put away, a family can discuss the fear that the elder may have about being considered crazy and reassure them that depression has nothing to do with going senile or losing their mind.

Later in the book, Moak turns to treatments that work for depression — after first reminding us that no one is ever too old to get better. Among the treatments he covers are antidepressant medication, psychotherapy, phototherapy, electroconvulsive therapy, transcranial magnetic stimulation, and several alternative approaches such as nutritional supplements, exercise, and lifestyle modifications. For the major classes of antidepressant medication, Moak provides the latest research on each, along with efficacy, risk factors, side effects, and common misunderstandings.

Again, one common misunderstanding is that older people don’t get better, or that they can be made suicidal by antidepressant medication. The reality, Moak writes, is that one in ten Americans take antidepressant medication, and most of them get better.

But if medication is not the desirable route, or you wish to compliment it, Moak offers several suggestions for alternative practices. For example, in combatting the inflammatory effects of depression, curcumin (turmeric) and omega-3 fatty acids may both, according to studies, have anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant properties. Exercise, which improves brain function and provides psychological benefits, tai chi, yoga, and acupuncture are also helpful complimentary treatments for depression, Moak writes.

Still, despite the many options available to help, effective alleviation of depression can take time. Much of the reason for this is that doctors face three challenges in making a correct depression diagnosis: many conditions mimic depression, diagnosing the correct type of depression can be difficult, and there are no tests to weed out depression. Here, Moak offers numerous case studies of seniors who, despite their initial hesitation and resistance, went on to overcome depression and reclaim their lives.

“Too many older adults don’t expect to get better,” Moak writes, “because they think depression is just part of aging and the elderly don’t respond well to treatment.” But, as Moak shows throughout the book, depression in older patients can indeed be treated, whether you are in your sixties or nineties.

Beat Depression to Stay Healthier and Live Longer: A Guide for Older Adults and Their Families
Rowman & Littlefield, February 2016
Hardcover, 280 pages
$36

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Chinese culture is filled with holidays and celebrations, and among them, the Lunar New Year is the very biggest. In China and Taiwan, offices and schools close for a week, and more than 3.5 billion people—in the world’s largest human migration!—are expected to travel so they can ring in the occasion with their loved ones. February 8, 2016, marks the first day of the Year of the Monkey, but before you throw yourself into celebrating, observe these rituals to usher in a successful year.

1. Clean up

Scrub every nook and crevice of your home to rid yourself of the detritus and bad mojo of the previous year—think of it as a very early spring cleaning. You must complete your work by New Year’s Day, and then stow away your broom, mop, vacuum, and Swiffer. Because if you wield these tools on the first few days of the New Year, you’ll sweep or suck away your good fortune.

2. Put your financial house in order, too

If you borrowed money from family or friends last year, pay them back before the start of the New Year; any outstanding loans will bring you misfortune. The same goes for unresolved arguments or grudges, so make nice.

3. Beautify yourself …

A haircut and a new outfit—red is the most auspicious hue, but if it isn’t your color, just be sure to stay away from the unlucky shades of black and white—are must-haves for New Year’s Day. As with cleaning, trimming your hair in the first days of the New Year will result in snipping away good fortune so groom accordingly.

4. … And your home

Decorate your clean, sparkling house with a bowl of oranges or apples, or with live plants (avoid white flowers; they’re associated with funerals). It’s also customary to hang up signs with Chinese sayings and the character fu, which means good luck. But if you choose the latter, display them upside down; this signifies that success is coming.

5. Feast with your family

The most important night for getting together is New Year’s Eve. That’s when you gather with your nearest and dearest for dinner, eating prosperity-begetting dishes like fish (always served whole), dumplings (prized because they’re shaped like gold or silver ingots), and sticky rice cakes. Because New Year’s is a time when young adults are expected to bring home their significant others for inspection, in the past few years a burgeoning industry of boyfriends and girlfriends that you can rent for the holiday has sprung up in China.

6. Be a giver

According to tradition, hong bao—or red envelopes—containing a significant amount of money are presented to children, unmarried adults, and seniors on New Year’s Eve. But technology has blown the custom wide open, and now people of all ages and relationships both send and receive their hong bao via text message. The funds, often as little as US $2, can be deposited into mobile payment accounts.

7. Get out there

While New Year’s Eve is reserved for those you’re closest to, the rest of the holiday is devoted to connecting with your next-level loved ones. Always bring a gift—tea, fruit, pastries, or candy are good choices—on your social calls, but under no circumstances should you give four of anything (for example, four canisters of lapsang souchong). In Mandarin Chinese, “four” is a homonym for death.

8. Set a positive tone for the year

According to Chinese superstition, whatever you do during the New Year’s period will characterize the 12 months to follow. So no crying, no arguing, and no borrowing money for the first two weeks, unless that’s how you were hoping to spend your days.

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In applying philosophical questions to neuroscience and the study of how we think and feel, Georg Northoff’s new book is a game changer.

Neuro-Philosophy and the Healthy Mind: Learning from the Unwell Brain applies philosophical questions to subjects such a consciousness, the self, the understanding of time, identity, the brain, and the mind. In it, Northoff, himself a neuroscientist, philosopher, and psychiatrist at the University of Ottawa, seeks to answer philosophical questions such as Where do thoughts begin? Does consciousness exist in the mind or the brain? How is the self defined and understood? and How is time determined?

The conclusions that Northoff reaches are not just fascinating, but may shift our understanding of consciousness.

Northoff begins with the classic debate of mind-body dualism. He draws upon studies of people in vegetative states to demonstrate how the abnormal state reveals something about the normal state. Among his findings: substance dualism (that the mind and brain exist separately) is better understood as interactive dualism (that the brain and mind exist in continuous and interactive relationship to one another).

In this integrated relationship, the development of consciousness is bound by the degree to which information is linked and integrated in the brain. What forms, Northoff tells us, is an “organizational template” from which we produce a “spatial and temporal structure of the brain’s intrinsic activity.”

To put it simply, we have hardware and we have software. The hardware is our spatial and temporal organization — the structure of consciousness — and the software is how we use this organizational template to interact with the world around us.

One of the most compelling findings Northoff arrives at has to do with the balance between intrinsic activity of the brain (self-focused processing) and extrinsic activity (interaction with the outside world). All people exist on a continuum of interaction, he writes, with some spending more time in intrinsic interaction and others spend more in extrinsic. However, if we spend too much time on either end of this continuum, we arrive at disorder.

In the case of too much extrinsic stimulation (and the resulting loss of identity), we have schizophrenia. On the other hand, too much time devoted to self-focus is characteristic of depression. What we must have to retain our sense of self is psychological continuity, Northoff writes.

The self, he explains — and this is an important point, “can be found through the relationship between the brain, body, and environment.”

And so, too, perhaps, can emotions.

“The self,” Northoff continues, “is a relation rather than an entity; it is intrinsically relational, a continuous process of structuring and organizing the relation between brain, body, and environment.”

To help us understand how this reciprocal balance between the self and the environment determines the healthy brain, Northoff looks to studies of depressed patients. Those with depression, he tells us, “have an abnormally strong self-focus, often accompanied by rumination, and simultaneously feel disconnected from the environment.”

But the detachment from the world that depressed patients often feel, he writes, goes far beyond just feeling. It is embedded in the environment, too. Depressed people, Northoff writes, have a depressed neurological response to external stimuli.

Through an examination of both depressed and schizophrenic patients, as well as other types of unwell brains, Northoff presents a fascinating model of who we are and just where we and our emotions exist. It is a model that has important implications for clinicians.

But for lay readers, too, the book offers an exciting way to reframe our understanding of ourselves.

Neuro-Philosophy and the Healthy Mind: Learning from the Unwell Brain
W. W. Norton & Company, January 2016
Paperback, 256 pages

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“This book is, first and foremost, a book of action,” writes psychotherapist Lynn Lyons.

“This might surprise most people, based on the common vision of hypnosis as still, quiet, or passive.” But, she continues, “Hypnosis is a bridge from stuck to solutions.” When it comes to using hypnosis with children, “there may be moments of stillness, but in the larger frame of helping families, it’s all about inducing movement — sometimes literally.”

In Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and Delivering Effective Interventions, Lyons changed some of my assumptions about hypnosis. Like many people, I imagined it to more closely resemble guided meditation. I got an immediate vision of a relaxed person sitting with their eyes closed, sifting through their subconscious with the help a verbal advisor — their hypnotist. In reading Lyons’s book, I learned that hypnotherapy is often more about visualization and re-direction, especially with children.

While I cannot speak on behalf of professional therapists, I can say I understand the idea of re-direction well. For much of my twenties I worked as an early childhood education teacher, primarily with preschoolers. I often worked independently with the younger half of the pre-k room: those transitioning from the toddler room. The challenges with this age group are vast, but the most difficult transition came when free play ended and bathroom stops before nap time began. Any teacher knows this combination of events is often a recipe for tantrums — no child wants to put away their toys for a bathroom stop, let alone for nap time.

In order to ease this transition, I invented a playful game called Baking Time. Baking Time consisted of sitting in a circle with the children and using our imaginations to go through the steps and motions of baking an item containing several ingredients, such as cake or pizza. They loved it so much they began to request it each day. As I began to make it routine, I noticed I experienced zero troubles transitioning them to nap time.

I didn’t know it at the time, but Baking Time was a form of hypnosis!
Lyons explains that children ages three to seven are in a preoperational phase, where huge changes occur in their cognitive and emotional development. They are often at the peak of their hypnotizability.

“Imagination and magical thinking are prominent, with easy and frequent movement between fantasy and reality,” Lyons writes. In hindsight, Baking Time highly illustrated her point. The children did not blink; they were completely absorbed in their imaginations. Their hands vigorously stirred imaginary mixes as if they were holding real bowls. They gladly washed their hands in the imaginary sink — and, as I later discovered, they carried this attitude with them when they had to wash their real hands in the bathroom.

“Hypnosis with children in this state is fluid and interactive,” Lyons writes. I can support this with my firsthand experience. As I read Lyons and started to recall the absence of tantrums about hand washing, I realized what a positive impact the hypnotic game had on my students.

Lyons addresses hypnotism for pre-teens and teens, too. She highlights the key differences in developmental thinking among various age groups, and explains how those differences affect the style of hypnosis one should use. Pre-teens may be more resistant, she writes, due to new awareness and underdeveloped coping skills. They will inevitably require different types of induction and discussion than a five-year-old. Teens, meanwhile, can more easily tap into their imagination with their eyes closed, whereas small children can be playful with their eyes open. Lyons lists these types of differences throughout each chapter.

To help serious hypnosis practitioners, Lyons addresses specific challenges: anxiety and depression, physical pain, sleep problems. In one chapter, on parents as allies, she offers techniques in parental management and involvement. While Lyons addresses questions like “Should parents be allowed to stay in the room when working with a child?” in earlier sections, her inclusion of a chapter dedicated to cultivating positive parental involvement further serves the book. As a teacher, I know that parental involvement in school is crucial and strongly impacts a child’s performance. Having parents as allies in child therapy is likely no different.

This book is full of useful strategies for opening dialogue, managing child and parent expectations, creating a safe working space, induction games, and helping children create useful coping strategies for all types of situations (blood draws, insomnia, depression, and so on). While it does contain a few spare examples, this is not a step-by-step guide for those just starting out in hypnotherapy. There are no complete templates to work with, and, while Lyons contends that each session must be tailored to each child, this means the book may need a more instructive companion for those starting out in the field.

Despite this omission, however, Lyons seems to provides clinicians with a near-complete text to help navigate the various facets of hypnotherapy. Even as a former pre-k teacher, I learned a lot about what hypnosis looks like in young minds.

Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and Delivering Effective Interventions
W. W. Norton & Company, September 2015
Hardcover, 400 pages
$35

Feeling a little down? Pop a chocolate or scarf a piece of pie. Need a little afternoon pick-me-up? Reach for a soda or highly sweet caffeine drink. Like the taste of sweet foods in general? You’re not alone – nor can you easily escape the sugar that’s present in almost everything you eat or drink. No wonder it’s so easy to become addicted to sugar. And yes, sugar addiction is real. You can also beat it, as Dr. Keith Kantor, CEO of NamedProgram (National Addiction Mitigation Eating & Drinking) offers in this interview where he shares his insights into sugar addiction.

Dangers of Too Much Sugar Consumption

Moderation in everything has long been recommended as a way to stay healthy. With this in mind, it’s OK to consume a little sugar. Just don’t go overboard. As for the dangers of too much sugar consumption, Dr. Kantor says there are a lot of them, including obesity, type 2 diabetes and nonalcoholic fatty liver syndrome, which is liver disease. Alcoholics have alcoholic fatty liver syndrome. This is nonalcoholic.

“The problem that alcoholics have with alcohol deteriorating their liver, the same thing happens if you have too much sugar,” Dr. Kantor says. “It happens in a slightly different way, but it’s the same concept.”

How Sugar Addiction Develops

Why is sugar so addicting? How does a person develop an addiction to it? According to Dr. Kantor, sugar is addicting because we have a dopamine response to it. Sugar releases a chemical in our brain that makes us feel good. “So by consuming even a small amount of sugar, we’re producing a soothing, calming dopamine response,” he says. “Over time, the amount of sugar consumed will need to be increased to keep giving you the same dopamine response. That’s one of the reasons that people take drugs, because they get a dopamine response.”

It’s also easy to become addicted to sugar. “Some research suggests that sugar is more addictive than cocaine,” says Dr. Kantor, “and it’s in almost everything that we eat. So what you’ll see in a lot of the addiction recovery centers is the addicts switch drugs for food addictions, mostly sugar, but also gluten or dairy. They’re just transferring, substituting one addiction for the other to keep their opiate receptors stimulated.”

Sugar Addiction Can Sneak Up

It isn’t necessarily that you have to consume sugar for years in order to develop an addiction to it. The fact is that you can get hooked on sugar rather quickly.

“A few weeks is all you need,” says Dr. Kantor. “Over the holidays you could have cravings for sugar increase and it will give you different fluctuating energy levels and fluctuating blood sugar and there’s emotional ties to it as well, especially during the holidays. It gives you the ups and downs and that changes somebody’s emotions also from fluctuating levels of blood sugar.”

As for emotional issues, Dr. Kantor says that sugar affects people differently. But fluctuating levels of both insulin and sugar, which usually go together, give you highs and lows. “When that happens, it affects your emotions. You get jittery, anxious. Some people are affected differently and they get depressed. But sugar can definitely take over time an emotional toll.”

Fortunately, sugar addiction is not hereditary. There’s no genetic component to it as there is with alcoholism. “If a child grew up in a home that uses food as an emotional crutch or as a reward system, they’re more likely to develop food disorders or a sugar addiction as an adult, but it’s not really hereditary,” says Dr. Kantor.

Younger people, although that’s when they may get into the habit, are active, so they’re burning up a lot of the calories in sugar. But as soon as you reach middle age and older, says Dr. Kantor, the risks rise dramatically because you are less active. It builds up and you start gaining weight, which causes things like type 2 diabetes and other diseases. “Sugar, and being overweight, increases almost every disease there is, even cancer,” says Dr. Kantor.

Signs of Sugar Addiction

Can you recognize signs of sugar addiction in others? How can you tell if you have sugar addiction? Dr. Kantor says it varies. In some people, they seem very calm after consuming excessive amounts of sugar, while others, especially children, appear to be bouncing off the ceiling. Other signs include:

• Constant craving for sugary snacks and drinks.
• Consuming certain foods because of the craving even though you’re not very hungry.
• Worrying about cutting down on certain foods without doing so.
• Feeling sluggish or fatigued from overeating.
• Having health or social problems because of food issues that affect school or work, yet you maintain bad habits.
• Needing more and more of the foods you crave to experience any pleasure or to reduce the negative emotions from it.

If you crave sugar and caffeine — and Dr. Kantor says these frequently go hand-in-hand — then a sugar addiction may be present. “The best thing to do is to go cold turkey and avoid what we call the opiate receptor triggers,” he says. By avoiding things like simple sugars, gluten and dairy, you can help reduce the physical addiction.

The good news is that physical addiction to sugar can usually be broken in about three days. “A diet that incorporates complex carbohydrates (such as a baked sweet potato), healthy fats (like guacamole) and proteins (lean meat, chicken or fish) is ideal for that.”

Other Harms of Sugar Addiction

Besides being extremely addicting, sugar can cause other harms. “I think sugar makes it easy to get addicted to drugs because the opiate receptors are stimulated,” Dr. Kantor says. “It’s something you really want to watch and it’s a huge problem in America. It’s what’s caused the obesity and diabetes epidemic.” More than 78.6 million U.S. adults are obese and more than 29.1 million have diabetes.

Being addicted to any substance is unhealthy and can lead to depression, anxiety, weight gain, and reduced quality of life. There is a way to beat sugar addiction, though. According to Dr. Kantor, you have to modify your diet, which is easy. Have low-sugar foods, vegetables, quality proteins and healthy fats. Read the labels on foods more to find out how much sugar is in what you eat. Dr. Kantor also recommends meeting with a therapist to establish a game plan for the behavioral modifications that you need. There are psychiatrists and psychologists that specialize in food disorders or food addictions.

If you’re trying to cut down on sweet drinks, do what is recommended for tapering alcohol consumption. In between, or every other soda, drink a full glass of water. Add a little lime or lemon to make it a slightly higher pH that will slowly taper you off sodas. “And your therapist can work with you on behavior modifications. Exercise is a good way to do it, but there are other things as well, even meditating, that helps,” according to Dr. Kantor.

Pastries photo available from Shutterstock

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My son Zach was born with brain damage that occurred during his birth. His brother Gerry—older by three minutes—is fine. Zach is now 24, but his comprehension skills are roughly that of an eight- or nine-year-old. He can read, but he doesn’t understand many of the sentences. He can’t add a hundred plus a hundred, although he does know the result is “a lot.” I took him to see the movie Spartacus when he was nine, and after a blood-flowing scene at a Roman villa where Kirk Douglas single-handedly killed two million buffed-up soldiers with a plastic knife, he turned to me and said, “Look, Dad! A pool!” He has always loved pools.

As Zach grew out of childhood, I never knew how much he would understand. While his vocabulary expanded rapidly, his knowledge of what words meant did not keep pace. When I tried to explain something abstract, I could sense him sifting through his hard drive with its millions of data points. But the hard drive did not help him with concepts like preventive health measures or racism. He knew who the president was but not Osama bin Laden. He knew something terrible had happened on 9/11, but when the anniversary came, he called to wish me a “happy 9/11!”

Instead, our relationship had been largely predicated on games. He loved goofy hypotheticals: What would happen if he did something I told him he could not do. When I kissed him good night, he invariably asked me if there was a certain word or name he could not say after I turned out the lights.

“What can’t I say?”

“You can’t say Rick Lyman.”

“What happens if I say Rick Lyman?”

“I will have to come back upstairs.”

Dressed in his usual T-shirt and gym shorts, anticipating the tickling war we referred to as cuddies, he began to giggle. I walked down the stairs and waited at the second-floor landing. He was plotting strategy.

“RICK!” he screamed. (I did nothing.)

“RICK LY!!!!” (I did nothing.)

“RICK LYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!”

I ran back upstairs and banged open the door. It was on. I threw pillows at him. He threw pillows at me. I got ahold of him and tickled. He kicked me in the head. I chased him around the room, became exhausted, and had to stop. He seemed exhausted as well. I rolled the top sheet over him, kissed him good night, and went back downstairs. From above I could hear a pulsating drum getting louder and louder.

“Rick Lyman … RICK LYMAN! … RICK LYMAN!!!”

He could have gone on forever. At any time. At any age. But when he turned 21, after nearly 15 straight years of doing it, I decided it had to stop. I was ambivalent about giving it up, but I could not stand it anymore. It only reaffirmed our frozenness.

“Zach, you’re 21 now. Not six. This is what six-year-olds do. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Sorry, Dad.”

“There is nothing to be sorry about. You’re just too old. You’re 21. What happens when you are 21?”

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“You’re not supposed to do things like that anymore.”

“That’s right. Do you understand why?”

“I’m 21; I’m kinda too old for this now.”

I closed the door to his room.

I stood right outside, then burst back in. “Just don’t say good night.”

It was on again. I knew it was one of the things he loved about being with me. I was scared of losing it.

It is strange to love someone so much who is still so fundamentally mysterious. Strange is a lousy word. It is the most terrible pain of my life. As much as I try to engage Zach, I also run from this challenge. I run out of guilt. I run because he was robbed, and I feel I was robbed. I run because of my shame.

But whatever happens with Zach, I know I cannot think in terms of my best interests, even if I think they are also in his best interests. Zach will be where and who he will be. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. Because as famed physician Oliver Sacks said, all children, whatever the impairment, are propelled by the need to make themselves whole. They may not get there, and they may need massive guidance, but they must forever try.

Buzz Bissinger is an author and a journalist. Zach lives with his father in Philadelphia and his mother in New Jersey.

Father’s Day: A Journey Into the Mind and Heart of My Extraordinary Son, by Buzz Bissinger, Copyright  © 2012 by H. G. Bissinger, is published at $26 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing CO., hmhbooks.com.

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Some people may find it off-putting to buy a “Dummies” book on a health or mental health concern. “How can they talk about such a serious condition in this sort of do-it-yourself book?”

But that’s exactly the point — and the beauty — of the latest edition of Bipolar Disorder for Dummies by board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Candida Fink and Joe Kraynak, MA. It’s a book primarily meant for those diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the first time. The third edition has been revised to include new medications and the new symptom criteria used to diagnose this condition, among other changes and updates.¹

The “Dummies” format of the book makes it immediately approachable and easy to read. You won’t find a lot of psychobabble in the book — confusing psychological or psychiatric terms. It’s use of icons, checkmarks, and boxes that explain components in greater depth help highlight the important stuff visually. And like most Dummies series books, it’s written in short paragraphs that don’t lose your attention.

While nobody will confuse it for an academic book, that’s actually a good thing. Because the authors manage to include all of the information one might find in such a book, but make it digestible for people who may be coming from a wide range of backgrounds when it comes to bipolar disorder. Some may know next to nothing about it, while others may have some rudimentary knowledge or information based upon a movie or magazine article.

Bipolar Disorder for Dummies is divided into seven different sections. In the first part, the authors introduce you to understanding the basics of bipolar disorder, including how it’s diagnosed, the possible causes of the disorder, and its general prognosis and treatment. Differential diagnoses and special populations (such as teens) are also well-addressed in this first section. I especially appreciated the nuanced discussion about all of the potential causes of bipolar:

“These underlying disorders develop from complex combinations of genetic and nongenetic factors that the scientific community is only just beginning to understand. Importantly, the growing science of bipolar disorder can help eliminate the commonly held myth that it’s some type of weakness or defect in moral character. Make no mistake — bipolar disorder is a real physical illness or illnesses.”

The second section delves more deeply into the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Topics covered include how do you get a diagnosis and evaluation, ruling out other health issues that may be mimicking the symptoms of bipolar, working on a treatment plan, and how to build a treatment team that works together on all of the different components of addressing this condition.

Part three is a significant component of the book, focusing on the biology of bipolar disorder symptoms through medications. Everything a person needs to know or would want to know about bipolar medications is covered (and updated) in this section. It includes a good discussion about understanding side effects of psychiatric medications and coming to terms with them. Chapter 9 goes into other kinds of things you can do to help bipolar symptoms, including supplements, light therapy, and newer kinds of treatments like rTMS and DBS. The section ends with a focus on the challenges of bipolar disorder in specific groups of people, such as women and older adults.

In the fourth section, we learn about the self-help strategies that should be a part of any bipolar sufferer’s arsenal. It includes chapters covering learning new coping skills, making lifestyle adjustments (such as learning how to reduce conflict and establishing healthier routines), improving your ability to communicate with others, and learning problem solving skills. If it sounds like it covers a lot of ground, it’s because the authors do — and do it well. Virtually any mental illness could be helped by a person learning the skills and planning advice doled out in this part of the book.

I particularly enjoyed one call-out in the chapter on communicating more effectively entitled, “How to apologize… and how not to:”

“People with bipolar disorder shouldn’t have to apologize for what the disorder makes them do, but apologies have the power to heal relationships and liberate everyone involved from guilt and resentment — assuming, of course, that the apologies are sincere and delivered in an appropriate manner.”

How-to’s like this pepper the book throughout, providing deceptively simple yet surprisingly effective advice to help with everyday problems in life.

Section five discusses how to deal with the fallout of a hospitalization and relapse, which is not uncommon for those with bipolar disorder. It also discusses returning to work and offers advice on how to attack financial issues (which are also a fairly common issue to those with bipolar). The sixth part of the book is targeted toward loved ones and friends, what they need to know in order to help them better understand bipolar disorder, how to best support a person with the disorder, and what to do in a crisis situation. It also includes a chapter for parents on strategies to help their child or teen with bipolar disorder.

The final section offers ten tips for managing bipolar disorder, as well as ten ways a loved one can help someone with bipolar disorder.

If I had to recommend a single book to someone newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it would easily be Bipolar Disorder for Dummies. It’s also a valuable resource for anyone who has a loved one who suffers from this disorder and would like to better understand what the person is facing — and how they can best help themselves.

Footnotes:

1. Disclosure: Dr. Fink and Joe Kraynak are bloggers at Psych Central, writing our popular Bipolar Beat blog.

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Sue and Dan are in a relationship. Their friend, Matt, is romantically interested in Sue. If Matt tries to “steal” Sue away from Dan, then he is doing what researchers call “mate poaching.” To try to poach Sue, Matt might do things like insult Dan, try to compete with Dan, tell Sue that she could do better, and/or try to keep Sue from hanging out with Dan. There is no shortage of examples on TV shows and movies of one person poaching their friend from an existing romantic relationship (e.g., Made of Honor). But outside of Hollywood, is mate poaching by friends common? 

Recently I slumped into a heavy leather couch with a deep sigh and met the eyes of a friend. I was having one of those moments where stress levels run high, and needed to unload the mess my life had become.

We have all, surely, had those moments. And so has Lauren Suval.

Picking up a (digital) copy of Suval’s eBook, Coping With Life’s Clutter, resembled what I imagine a conversation with her might be like. In this compilation of essays, Suval focuses on identifying and coping with life’s stresses and traumas, all from her own perspective and life experience. Rooted in authenticity and communicated with vulnerability, the book swings between narrative memoir and second-person self-help. But because of that, it often reads more like a sporadic thought process than a cohesive literary work.

Many psychology books fall down the slippery slope to self-help land, which is where this particular compilation of essays goes, somewhat abruptly. At times, Suval (who also writes for Psych Central), uses repetition to create a nearly melodic tone, or lays out her personal thoughts — then shifts abruptly to citing magazine articles and self-help sites.

Chapters focus on different things, such as coping with stress and letting go of what’s out of our control. Suval draws on life lessons from Adele and Eat, Pray, Love, and discusses how to view life’s “clutter,” as she puts it. Her insights on the impact of trauma, endings, and difficult changes are personal and subjective, often remaining open-ended questions. While they are very well-written — to the brink of waxing poetic — they do not strike me as relatable. In some places, Suval’s own commentary sprinkled with tidbits from psychology left me wondering what was fact and what was personal.

While the book thrives in its authentic and straightforward writing style, its disjointed nature and lack of continuity from essay to essay, and from source material to supposition, leaves something to be desired. It’s clear from the text that these essays were composed separately, and on their own are introspective and intuitive dialogues with the world; however, they lack a unifying thread or consistent tone to link them together.

Still, although the essays read as a group of separate pieces that have not yet been fully adapted as a cohesive book, the work has the potential to be a valuable piece of self-help or introspective literature. The work is written clearly and concisely and does not add in unnecessary fluff, even if I found myself longing for more connection between essayistic parts and self-help.

If Suval could tie some of these parts together, elaborate on the accepted psychology research as well as her own anecdotes, and weave in pop culture references that endear chapters like “Adele: Heartbreak as a Catalyst” to the reader, Coping with Life’s Clutter would be a delightful and insightful read with clear takeaways for its audience.

Coping with Life’s Clutter
Amazon Digital Services, October 2015
eBook, 67 pages
$3.99

If you can’t find yourself a groundhog to ogle this February 2nd, simply step outside and recite this old English rhyme:

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Go Winter, and come not again.

It’s an olde knight’s tale that the weather on Candelmas (a.k.a. Crepe Day, Groundhog Day, and February 2nd) will be the exact opposite of the weather six weeks hence—yet somehow, centuries later, a few lines of scientifically suspect verse remain the basis of an annual holiday. How did Candelmas result in our modern Groundhog Day? What did Punxsutawney Phil, famous rodent prophet of Gobbler’s Knob, do to become a national icon and film star? Is Phil single? Read the furry, fascinating answers to these and learn other mind-blowing facts about Groundhog Day.

1. First Things First: Groundhogs are Lousy Weather Predictors

The myth of Groundhog Day is essentially a cuter version of the rhyme above. If a groundhog sees its shadow on February 2nd, winter will last another six weeks. And while Punxsutawney Phil’s handlers maintain 100 percent accuracy in his seasonal predictions, the numbers tell a different story. Stormfax calculated that Phil has seen a 39 percent forecasting success rate since 1887. According to a Canadian groundhog study, this is just 2 percent higher than the average success rate of 37 percent (the most accurate hog-nosticators in their study residing in Yellowknife, Canada, with a 50 percent accuracy). In other words, a gambling man would be better off flipping a coin.

2. Groundhogs DO Have One Secret Talent, Though

What do groundhogs have in common with sleazy construction workers? They both whistle at potential mates. Seriously, they do:

It’s because of this odd adaptation that groundhogs are also known as “whistle-pigs,” and lecherous day laborers known simply as “pigs.”

3. Groundhog Day Could Have Been Badger Day

Modern Groundhog Day evolved from Europe’s Candelmas Day, a celebration of light both literal (the days are growing longer) and religious (Candelmas invokes baby Jesus’ first visit to the Temple in Jerusalem). About halfway between the Winter and Spring Solstices, Candelmas has long been a day of seasonal speculation, though the designated animal weatherman varies from culture to culture. Medieval cults favored bears, holding parties by their dens, gussied up in grizzly costumes and waiting for a bear to lumber out from hibernation and check the weather. English and German Catholics celebrated a similar tradition with sacred badgers. When badgers proved hard to come by for Pennsylvania’s German settlers in the early 1800s, colonists adapted their old-country tradition to an abundant New World animal: the groundhog.

4. You’re Not Supposed to Eat The Groundhog… Anymore

On February 2, 1886, the Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper declared the first official Groundhog Day celebration, hosted by a group of town elders dubbed The Groundhog Club. For this club, marmots were more than furry meteorologists: They were a delicacy. In addition to their Groundhog Day ceremony, the Club also hosted a summertime groundhog hunt and picnic. On the menu: cooked groundhog meat (described by locals as “a cross between pork and chicken”), and something called “groundhog punch,” a combination of vodka, milk, eggs, orange juice “and other ingredients.” For a time, marmot meat was the regional cuisine.

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That began to change in 1887, when a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil was born. To hear his handlers tell it, he has evaded the dinner plate for 129 years and counting.

5. Punxsutawney Phil Is as Immortal as Bill Murray (Allegedly)

A typical groundhog will live 6 to 8 years in the wild. Punxsutawney Phil, the official groundhog of America’s largest Groundhog Day celebration (and co-star in the hit movie Groundhog Day), has been alive since, uh, 1887. Or, so his website says. To what does Phil owe his impossibly impressive 129 years? A magical elixir called, yet again, “groundhog punch”—presumably, not the same recipe of vodka and eggs that its original authors quaffed. According to the lorekeepers of the modern Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil is fed a single sip of groundhog punch every summer, instantly granting him another seven years of life. (In other words, the opposite of vodka.)

6. What Does an Immortal Marmot do for Fun? Drink and Read.

Phil has seen a lot in the past century, and he is less sheltered than you’d expect from someone who literally lives with his head in the ground. During Prohibition, for example, Phil publicly threatened to impose 60 weeks of additional winter if he wasn’t allowed a drink. Phil has cooled down significantly these days. For that, we can likely thank his wife, Phyllis. Together, Phil and Phyllis enjoy a quiet life together at the Punxsutawney Memorial Library where they live during the 364 days not spent looking for their shadows.

7. Bill Murray Launched Phil’s Career

While Gobbler’s Knob saw its share of tourism every Groundhog Day since the tradition began, actor Bill Murray truly put it on the map. Following the 1993 release of Columbia Pictures’ Groundhog Day, starring Bill and Phil, Gobbler’s Knob started seeing crowds as large as 35,000 people (for comparison, the population of Punxsutawney at the time was less than 7,000). Two years later, Phil was invited as a guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

8. Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell Had Phil’s Back in Court (Or, Would Have)

In a 2013 news story barely discernible from The Onion, an Ohio lawyer demanded that Punxsutawney Phil pay for a fraudulent weather prediction—with his life. “On or about February 2, 2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early,” Ohio prosecutor Michael Gmoser wrote in a cheeky open letter. “Contrary to the Groundhog day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING, an Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.”

The punishment for this crime? “The death penalty.”

Absurdly, the saga continued when a Pennsylvania law firm openly responded to Gmoser, arguing that the Ohio attorney had no authority to prosecute in Punxsutawney. Furthermore, Phil had a formidable team of character witnesses behind him, as starring in Groundhog Day helped Phil forge “lifelong and loyal friendships with the lesser supporting cast including Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell and Chris Elliot,” the firm wrote. “It is believed that Punxsutawney Phil has already been in contact with Mr. Murray, Ms. MacDowell, and Mr. Elliot, all of whom allegedly pledged to ‘have his back’ should legal action be necessary.” (Unfortunately, it wasn’t.)

9. The Future: Robo-Groundhogs?

We’ve come a long way from eating groundhogs, but their safety is still not guaranteed. On Groundhog Day 2014, New York City mayor Bill de Blasio accidentally dropped Staten Island groundhog Charlotte, resulting in internal injuries that killed her a week later. In 1999, Canadian groundhog celebrity Wiarton Willie died the Sunday prior to Groundhog Day, but the news was scandalously withheld until February 3. Stories like these, compounded by the increasingly large crowds at Gobbler’s Knob, prompted PETA in 2010 to suggest an alternative: replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot groundhog.

While fears of a cyber-marmot uprising fill your head, consider Washington D.C.’s cheaper solution: Potomac Phil, their anointed groundhog since 2014, is a taxidermied thrift shop purchase.

Merry Candelmas, everyone!

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