Lisa Find Love

Roxane Gay is the brilliant author of the New York Times bestseller, Bad Feminist. She holds a prestigious position as a contributing opinion writer for the New York Times. She’s a novelist, a short-story writer, a professor, and a voice that untold numbers of devoted fans clamor to hear. She comes from a close, loving family of thin, stylish, and accomplished Haitian immigrants.

She is also “super morbidly obese,” an actual official category that includes people who are three or four hundred pounds overweight. Her new book Hunger is her riveting memoir of life as a fat person.

“No matter what I accomplish,” writes Gay, “I will be fat, first and foremost.”

Each of the eighty-eight chapters of Hunger are short. Gay’s writing style seems to say: I’m telling you this story straight. I’m not going to dance around it.

Roxane Gay wishes she had told her life-shattering story a very long time ago.

At age 12, when she was little and cute, her boyfriend brought her out to a remote cabin where he and his friends gang-raped her. She wishes she had shared her account with her family, her friends, or anyone else who would have listened and told her that it was not her fault and that she was not alone.

“I don’t want to be defined by the worst thing that has happened to me,” Gay tells us. “At the same time, I don’t want to be silent.”

She also does not welcome the predictable responses to stories like hers.

“I do not want pity or appreciation or advice. I am not brave or heroic. I am not strong. I am not special,” she writes. The real travesty, she notes, is that the experience of having been raped is “utterly common.”

“I began eating to change my body… Some boys had destroyed me, and I barely survived it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to endure another such violation, and so I ate because I thought that if my body became repulsive, I could keep men away,” writes Gay

Now, decades later, Gay hungers for a different, smaller body. She’s tried in many ways to achieve that, but like everyone else who is overweight, she is up against powerful biological, physiological, and psychological forces that make significant and lasting weight loss unlikely. Gay does not point to those impediments. Hunger is not a book of excuses.

It is not surprising that people can be insensitive, presumptuous, and cruel toward those who are fat. Still, the stories are shocking. For example, when Gay was in boarding school, a resident faculty member imitated her “in a game of charades by widening her arms and waddling around the room” until someone guessed her name. In supermarkets, strangers remove from her shopping cart items they don’t think she should have.

“I have gone to an emergency care facility for a sore throat and watched as the doctor wrote, in the diagnosis section, first, ‘morbid obesity’ and, second, ‘strep throat,’” writes Gay.

To people who are fat, the most ordinary tasks of everyday life such as walking, fitting into seats in restaurants and airplanes, and finding clothes that fit are a challenge. The psychological trials — such as the withering gaze of others, and trying to enjoy a meal in public without judgment — make things harder.

Writers of the most successful television series are masters at the art of the cliffhanger, and some authors are very skilled in this art too, ending each chapter in such a way that readers just can’t help turning the page to the next. But Hunger has no cliffhangers. It doesn’t need them. The writing, the thinking, the insights, and the story are all so compelling that no verbal gymnastics are necessary – readers just keep on reading.

Hunger is not, as Gay cautions at the outset, the standard tale of triumph over adversity, with the author emerging at the end as her newly thin self. But Hunger is a triumph of a different sort. Gay wrestled the story of her body back from those who would tell it for her. She tells her own story in her own way. It is a unique story. And, in its humanity, it is also universal.

Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body
Harper, June 2017
Hardcover, 307 pages

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“If you think your teen is more stressed, anxious, and depressed than you were back in your teen day, you’re right. If you think that’s because he’s lazy and weak or self-centered and spoiled, you’re wrong,” writes Dr. Michael Bradley in his new book Crazy-Stressed: Saving Today’s Overwhelmed Kids With Love, Laughter, and the Science of Resilience.

According to Bradley, kids today are in trouble, but this is because the world has changed. While that may sound like grim news, it is also a powerful reminder to parents that successfully raising a teenager today requires a kind of resilience-focused parenting that helps teens cope with the challenges they will face.

Comparing today’s teens to those of fifty years ago–according to the work of Jean Twenge of San Diego State University and her peers–anxiety and depression rates among teenagers are up by as much as 500 percent. One kid in every six has thought about or tried to commit suicide, and the majority of teens do not feel that their world is in their control.

But parents today also spend much more time disabling their kids with excessive care-taking, according to Bradley. As a result, kids today are a lot more self-centered. To confirm this assertion, Bradley points to the work of psychologist Michael Borba, who shows that kids are 40 percent less empathic and 60 percent more self-centered than they were thirty years ago.

Teens today grow up in a technology-saturated world where, thanks to social media, they maintain a much larger public perception than their parents did in their adolescence. They are more likely to be the subject of cyberbullying, to become addicted to a screen, and to have trouble focusing. They are also more likely to struggle with desensitization, aggression, sexual dysfunction, sleep disturbance, and weight management. While they turn to marijuana and alcohol more often, the form of marijuana they consume is significantly more potent than what their parents may have used in adolescence. While teens may be attempting to insulate themselves from the stressors they face, drugs in particular actually decrease resilience.

“First, regular use essentially freezes the social/emotional levels of young teens through the very years when they are supposed to do their greatest growth. Second, since the drugs do anesthetize the worry, the worrier never gets stronger because she doesn’t go through the critical resilience-building exercise called standing up to the stress and coping,” writes Bradley.

And while impulsive, reactive, and moody teenage brains often result in parents who over-control and excessively vie for power, reckless behavior in adolescence is not unexpected.

“…Our kids are supposed to do this stuff we hate. Like it or not, this is Mother Nature’s way, forcing the rebirth of your child, a second breaking away process you cannot and should not want to stop any more than you could or would the first such process,” writes Bradley.

Much of the reason for this, Bradley says, is that developing resilience requires exposure to difficult and scary things in graduated doses. Unlike what many people believe, resilience is not inherited; rather it can be built and developed just like a muscle.

Building resilience begins with allowing teens some autonomy to choose their activities, along with a little rope to make mistakes. Over time, this allows teens to develop a feeling of competence. Bradley says parents should also praise their teens for efforts rather than outcomes, and characterize mistakes as essential components of learning.

Connection is one the most important parts of resilience, and can be developed when parents make the home a secure base, allow for their teens full range of emotional expression, and express love even when they are upset. By modeling good behavior, morals and values, as well as taking time to discuss meaning and purpose with teens, parents help teens develop character. By acknowledging their successes, and linking autonomy with responsibility, parents can help their teens develop self-control–a core component of resilience.

Parents can also model how to cope with stressors, contribute to the world, and engage in community, all of which can help build resilience in teens.

But resilience-parenting also requires an adept set of skills, Bradley notes. For example, parents should “discipline smart” by separating punishment from consequences,  and “talk smart” by choosing the timing for important discussions wisely. Parents should ask more questions than they offer answers, listen fully, stay connected, and think about ways to incorporate resilience into other parenting choices.

What parents should avoid, Bradley cautions, is taking teens’ behavior personally, making decisions while angry, trying to handle a serious drug problem without qualified help, allowing unsupervised screen access before 14, and underestimating the effects of excessive stress.

With disarming charm, clear-headed advice, and a tool chest of skills parents can use with their teen immediately, Bradley offers parents an invaluable resource in today’s overwhelming (and overstressed) world–the gift of resilience.

Crazy-Stressed: Saving Today’s Overwhelmed Teens With Love, Laughter, and the Science of Resilience
Dr. Michael J. Bradley
Amacom Books (2017)
Softcover
243 Pages

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Sometimes, we need to make big changes in our lives. We need to take a different job. We need to sell our home and downsize. We need to move to a different city. We need to end a relationship.

And sometimes the smallest shifts can help. Sometimes adjusting our perspective can have a significant impact. Sometimes adopting a small habit can drastically improve our days. Below are eight habits and perspective-shifters to try, which might even be life-changing.

Surround yourself with positive voices. “You become the five voices you are around the most,” said Brooke Schmidt, a marriage and family therapist who owns Arrow Therapy in Eden Prairie, Minn. Which is why she stressed the importance of paying attention to the people around you, the books and blogs you’re reading, the videos you’re watching and the words you’re listening to. “Are you around a lot of negative or fear-based voices, or are you around people and things you find uplifting and energizing?”

Relinquish regrets. How many times a day do you berate yourself for a decision you made months ago? Years ago? “Many of us spend time rehashing past decisions and blaming ourselves for our choices,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and writer in Pasadena, Calif.

But how does this make sense? Because when we made the decision, we didn’t have the information we have now. At the time, you didn’t know that your partner would turn out to be a narcissist. You didn’t know that you’d lose your job or that the housing market would crash. Which is why Howes suggested giving “your former self a break and [accepting] that you had your best interests in mind, you were using all the tools you had, and you made your choice based on the best information you had at the time.”

Of course, you might want to identify if there are any lessons to be learned, such as “waiting for more data or keeping impulses in check.” But in general, it’s best to forgive yourself and move on. Howes teaches his clients to repeat this mantra: “I made the best decision with the information I had at the time.”

Re-evaluate your priorities and values. “Take 5 minutes to jot down the things that you spend the most time on (your priorities) and the activities and people in your life that are most important to you (your values),” said Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW, an attachment-focused therapist in Asheville, N.C., who specializes in working with individuals and couples as their families grow. This “can help clarify areas of your life that don’t feel in alignment.”

You might not be able to change certain activities or responsibilities—such as the length of your commute—but you can make it feel as valuable as possible, she said. For instance, if your commute involves taking the bus or train, you can read your favorite kinds of books, journal or knit. If you drive, you can listen to podcasts or audiobooks. You can take long, deep breaths at every red light.

Tackle tiny, tangible tasks. Since it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by our to-do lists, Howes recommended performing a small, simple task to gain some momentum. This might be anything from making your bed to making a call to paying a bill to taking a walk. He’s found that making progress on such tasks inspires us to scratch off other items, which might’ve paralyzed us earlier.

Take regular pauses. Gillette encourages her clients to set alarms on their phones as reminders to take 1- to 2-minute breaks throughout their day. During this time, you might take deep breaths—four counts in, and four counts out—or cross your arms over your chest and tap alternately on each shoulder, she said.

“This very short break allows all parts of our brain to integrate information and provide our nervous system a much-needed rest from external input.”

Another restorative option is to turn off your phone and put it in a drawer for at least 15 minutes, she said.

Adopt a curious perspective. “People can make a huge change in their outlook on life if they adopt a stance of curiosity instead of leaping to conclusions or reacting impulsively,” Howes said. He shared this example: You and your partner planned to go to the beach for the weekend. But your partner suddenly wants to stay home. You might want to scream, “What?! You always cancel our plans!”

Instead, you get curious. Instead, you observe what’s happening and ask a thoughtful question, without judgment or accusations: “Hmmm. I thought our plan was to go to the beach. Have you changed your mind about that? Why?” This kind of dialogue leads to a discussion (versus a fight). And “you could learn valuable information about your partner and how they approach problems.”

Refocus on your inherent worth. We tend to attach our self-worth to objects and accomplishments. And when we don’t attain them, we tend to put ourselves in a less-than position. For instance, your friend gets new furniture for their entire house, which makes you think that you can’t have anyone over because your furniture isn’t as nice, Schmidt said. Your coworker gets promoted, which makes you think that you’re not good enough to move up, she said. Remind yourself regularly that “this stuff does not define your worth or value as a person.”

Celebrate your actions. “Many people set their criteria for success impossibly high—so high that they base it on factors that are beyond their control,” Howes said. For instance, if you ask someone out and they say no, you probably consider it a failure. After all, you got rejected. But this is an action to celebrate. Because, as Howes said, you overcame the fear of asking someone out and put your best foot forward. Whether the other person is interested depends on myriad factors, all of which you have zero control over, including their relationship status, interest level or mood that day, he said.

In another example, a woman requests a raise. Even though she’s anxious, she does her research and rehearses her talk. But she’s turned down. “Has she failed?” Howes said. “No. She was victorious over the fear and anxiety as soon as she made her request, and deserves to revel in that victory.” She can’t control whether the company is going bankrupt or whether they have a strict policy on raises, he said.

We can’t measure our success based on factors we can’t control. All we can control is our ability to show up and do our homework. And those are vital things to celebrate.

Often we don’t need to overhaul our lives to see and savor meaningful benefits. The above suggestions are great examples of this.

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In the category of memoirs about depression, there are some distinguished contributions. They include, for example, Kay Redfield Jamison’s An Unquiet Mind, William Styron’s Darkness Visible, and Susanna Kaysen’s Girl, Interrupted.

Daphne Merkin knows these books well, but as someone who has dealt with serious depression her entire life, she finds them lacking.

“It seems to me that these characterizations tend to bracket the episodes of breakdown or incapacitating depression within unimpeachable demonstrations of the writer’s otherwise hyperfunctioning existence,” writes Merkin.

With This Close to Happy, Merkin wanted to do something different, to “describe what it feels like to suffer from clinical depression from the inside, in a way that I hope will speak to both the sufferers and the onlookers to that suffering, whether friends or family.”

She succeeds at this brilliantly. To people who have similarly experienced deep depression, not as a bracketed section of their lives but as an enduring theme, the beautifully written This Close to Happy is a gift. To those who would blithely tell people who are seriously depressed to just snap out of it, or look on the bright side, This Close to Happy is a wake-up call.

Daphne Merkin could have arranged the pieces of her life into one of those “unimpeachable demonstrations of the writer’s otherwise hyperfunctioning existence.” She has ascended the heights of literary acclaim, having written as a staff writer for the prestigious The New Yorker. She is an award-winning author and was an editor at Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

In This Close to Happy, Merkin shares those experiences, as well as the other enticements she tries to grab onto when she is sinking. They include, for example, “the supreme diversion of reading and the gratifications of friendship, the enveloping bond of motherhood and the solace to be found in small pleasures.” But it takes an effort, a monumental effort, and many days that effort is beyond her.

That’s because her depression isn’t bracketed. It is interwoven with the rest of her life. Merkin has been in therapy for more than forty years. She takes copious quantities of prescription drugs. On three separate occasions, she has spent weeks in a psychiatric hospital.

This Close to Happy is about Daphne Merkin’s experiences of being this close to suicide. She wakes up feeling depressed nearly every day. She considers suicide regularly. She talks to herself about it, considers different ways of ending her life, and makes her case to her therapists. Those conversations happen on the good days. Other times, getting to her therapist’s office, talking, and even eating are just too difficult. The effort it takes a seriously depressed person to accomplish the ordinary tasks of everyday life is one of the recurrent themes of the book.

If you have a clinically depressed person in your life, you might not know it, Merkin says. Many depressed people can summon what it takes to put on a happy, sociable face for a dinner party or some other time-limited social occasion. But it is a burden. In fact, in her nuanced discussion of all that is disconcerting about being institutionalized for depression, Merkin underscores one saving grace: There is no need to feign happiness in a psychiatric hospital.

If This Close to Happy were “just” a memoir, it would be immensely valuable. But it is more. The book also offers readable discussions of the social science of depression and suicide, touching on topics such as the prevalence of our maladies in the U.S. and globally, sex differences in depression, and the tendency of depression to run in families. Merkin knows a lot about the varieties of anti-depressant medications and she shares that understanding, too.

Equally intriguing are the sections in which Merkin sails beyond the science to offer her own musings on matters of depression. How much of it, really, is nature, and how much is nurture? Does psychotherapy help? What is it about the stigma of depression that makes it different from the sensibility of, say, addiction or schizophrenia? To what extent are childhood experiences implicated in lasting life difficulties?

Merkin’s childhood was a tangle of contradictions. There was never enough food in the house for the six children. Her mother was stunningly cruel, her father indifferent, and her nanny, cold. But there was a nanny. And a chauffeur, a cook, a cleaning woman and a laundress.

Eventually, Merkin would find skillful psychiatrists and other mental health professionals to help her navigate a life “marooned in misery.” Early on, though, there were many false starts and bad advice. For example, when her mother sought advice for dealing with her daughter’s uncontrollable crying spells, she was told to lock Daphne in a bedroom. She did.

“I once dreamed of conquering my depression for good, but I have come to understand that it is a chronic condition, as much a part of me as my literary bent,” writes Merkin.

Nonetheless, by the end of the book, Merkin really is “this close to happy.” Her readers will be, too.

This Close to Happy: A Reckoning with Depression
Daphne Merkin
FSG, February 2017
Hardcover, 289 pages

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Pine

Research has found that this festive aroma, often associated with the winter holidays, helps to reduce stress. A study conducted at Japan’s Kyoto University took a deeper look at a Japanese custom of taking a soothing forest stroll known as shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing,” and found that depression and anxiety were significantly reduced in participants on days when they walked through the country’s pine-filled woods. Don’t miss these other ways nature is medicine for your brain.

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The silliest, strangest and saddest stories of the week, including the gloomy octopus, caring for sick pets and those who go missing from national parks

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Apply lemon balm essential oil

 

You already know that lemons can clean almost everything in your house, but recent studies have proven that lemon balm essential oil effectively kills the herpes virus. Since all cold sores are caused by the herpes virus, any treatment that directly targets the virus is automatically one of the most effective cold sore remedies. As you feel the tingle of a cold sore forming, put a drop of two of lemon balm essential oil to the area, then hold an ice cube on top of the area for ten minutes. After icing, spread a thin layer of petroleum jelly to protect the sore from bacteria and prevent it from cracking. Repeat the whole process several times a day. Note: Sometimes if you react quickly enough, a cold sore won’t emerge or its severity can be greatly reduced.

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Meowsquerade

A cat cartoon may not be the brightest feline, but your real-life cat is actually pretty smart. This is what your pets wish they could tell you if they were able.

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Your skin looks yellow

“Jaundice is one of the clearest symptoms of pancreatic cancer,” says Christopher DiMaio, MD, a gastroenterologist at The Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. “Often, patients feel fine until one day a friend notices their eyes look yellow, then they go to the doctor and find they have advanced pancreatic cancer.” Cancers that start near the head of the pancreas can block the bile duct, preventing bile from reaching the intestines, where it helps break down fats and eventually leaves the body in the stool. This bile builds up and causes jaundice, which is yellowing of the skin or eyes. It can also cause your skin to itch, according to the American Cancer Society. These are other cancer symptoms women should never ignore and cancer signs men should never ignore.

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Remove stains from marble: Use lemon juice and salt

Combine lemon juice and salt into a paste and scrub the stain. Just make sure you don’t scrub too hard, and rinse well when the stain is gone. Try these other brilliant uses for lemons around the house.

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 Don’t expect to make serious money

This usually isn’t the place to make a fast buck. Some consignment shops issue checks quarterly—and pay you only if your item sells. When donating anything make sure you follow these guidelines of things you should just throw away.

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Feathery fun

 

For the artsiest pumpkin on the block, try this pumpkin carving pattern from Remodelando la Casa.

Download this stencil from Remodelando la Casa >>

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Flex different skills

Your weekends need to feel different from your weekdays, which happens if you rotate in different activities and hobbies you don’t have time to do during the week, Laura Vanderkam shares in her book What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast. For examples, she notes that celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson plays soccer, television correspondent Bill McGowan chops firewood, and architect Rafael Vinoly plays piano. (Check out these other characteristics of wildly successful people.) Doing a different kind of labor allows your mind and body to recover from the typical stresses you encounter during the week. You can also save your workout for Saturday and Sunday—find out why science says it’s OK to only exercise on weekends.

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Kick start meal prep

Let’s say you’ve always prepped mushrooms by boiling them. That can yield delicious results (love that umami flavor? You can find it in these tasty treats also) but it might not be the best way to preserve their nutrients. A recent study that found that grilling or microwaving mushrooms packs the biggest health punch. We reached out to several experts to find out the best ways to prep 20 foods to maximize their nutrients. Read on for some interesting info and some surprises, too.

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She shares all her feelings

Being honest about all of her thoughts and feelings is one of the biggest signs you can trust your partner, says Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and author of The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference. “Openness and vulnerability in conversation—their willingness to really open up their heart and share what they’re really thinking, even if it puts them at risk for ridicule and being criticized for you—that is a scary thing in a lot of relationships,” she says. That said, just because your partner doesn’t immediately jump to tell you her thoughts doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to share. Talking helps some people process their emotions, but other people need alone time to sort out their feelings. Even if it takes a couple hours (or even a couple days) for your partner to open up, that emotional discussion shows a deep level of trust. Check out the 40+ most trusted brands in America, from a new Reader’s Digest survey.

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The “smell” center of a dog’s brain is 40 times larger than yours.

Dogs can smell thousands of times better than humans. Their noses have millions more scent receptors—for example, a human nose averages 5 million while a Dachshund’s has 125 million—making them useful in sniffing out drugs, dead bodies, bed bugs, explosives, and more. Your pets also keep a lot of secrets from you. Here are 50 of them.

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A second breakfast can be just as beneficial as a first breakfast.

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Don't think you have much in common with a jellyfish? What researchers just discovered may surprise you.

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Researchers discovered that everyone's favorite prehistoric cat had some seriously big bones — even as a youngster.

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What does Boston have against the letter R? Why do Minnesotans sometimes drag out the 'O' sound?

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A salesman started seeing psychotherapist Greg Struve, LAC, SEP, because he feared he was getting fired from his current position. The fear was legitimate: He’d been there for almost 18 months—the same time it’d take for him to get fired from previous jobs. Initially, when he’d start a new job, Struve’s client would work incredibly hard. After 6 months, however, he’d become terrified that his boss and coworkers didn’t like him and might even be trying to sabotage him. He’d start ruining these relationships and making major mistakes. And then, inevitably, he’d be fired.

Unconscious self-sabotage is a common symptom of shame, Struve said. “I’ve seen many clients with a long-standing pattern of making big mistakes at just the wrong time to prevent themselves from achieving something that they unconsciously don’t feel worthy of.”

Trauma therapist Britt Frank, LCSW, SEP, worked with a client who had profound shame about her sexual assault. “She told herself that she ‘should have fought back,’ and ‘should have tried to get away.’ [She] was sitting in a deep pool of depression as a result of the shame,” said Frank, who has a private practice in Kansas City.

Another client struggled with profound shame over her drug addiction. She felt shame (and guilt) for the pain she’d caused her family. And this shame would reignite a cycle of addiction and relapse.

Shame comes in all shapes and stripes. Shame can reside in everyday occurrences. In a conversation with our spouse. During a work meeting. During a class. At the gym. It manifests as people pleasing or chasing perfection.

However, what underlies different shame-filled situations is the same: The belief that we are unworthy. “Shame is a pervasive sense of ‘I am a mistake, and if people knew me they would reject me,’” said Frank, a certified somatic experiencing practitioner and an adjunct professor at the University of Kansas.

Shame is thinking: There is something fundamentally wrong with me. I am defective. I am damaged goods.

Shame is universal and has the same physiological sensations, Frank said: “a pit in the stomach, a feeling of weight on the shoulders, a red face, an inability to look people in the eye, and a desire to isolate and hide from the world.” Shame also triggers a state of survival physiology that spikes stress and shrinks our capacity to function, she said.

A lot of us create a “persona” to mask our shame, said Struve, who offers therapy sessions via online video at GregStruve.com, and serves as executive director of The Way Recovery, a Christ-based therapy clinic and IOP in Phoenix, Ariz. “We do what we can to project an image that will make us worthy of belonging in this world—making lots of money, becoming more attractive, being more religious, becoming an activist, trying to be famous… the list goes on.”

(According to Struve, “The way to decide if your motivation for wanting excellence is rooted in shame is simply to ask yourself: Do I believe that once I achieve this goal I’ll feel good enough? Is my goal to become excellent or to become worthy?”)

Shame stops us from being fully, authentically ourselves, because it convinces us that the true, at-the-core, us will just get rejected, he said. “For the primitive brain rejection equals death.” Shame isolates us, Frank said.

It’s also a vicious cycle. “When people feel shame, they turn to unhealthy coping behaviors to distract from the shame. These behaviors, once completed, end up producing even more shame, so the cycle continues.”

Even though it doesn’t feel like it, shame actually isn’t bad, Struve said. Shame has helped us survive for thousands of years. “A human being who was rejected from their tribe would find themselves at the mercy of the elements, predatory animals and, perhaps most dangerous, other people.”

The key is to work through your shame. While this is best done with a mental health professional, you can start with these suggestions:

Find an empathic person. According to Frank, “When people are locked in a shame spiral, the subcortical parts of the brain tend to take over, and logic and reason become difficult to access.” The part of the brain that’s wounded doesn’t think rationally. Which is why “to heal from shame, it is crucial to be connected in relationships to people who have the capacity to provide empathy.”

Create a collage. Struve suggested gathering a handful of magazines, and cutting out images that represent the parts of you that are hiding beneath your shame. Tape the cut-outs to a large piece of tag board, and hang it somewhere visible. “The reason this works so well is because your unconscious mind deals primarily in pictures, not in words. Simply noticing the collage on a daily basis allows it to go to work.”

Use compassionate self-talk. Frank and Struve both stressed the importance of using affirmations. Frank shared these examples: “I made a mistake, but I am still a good person. I am lovable and acceptable, and I can learn from my mistakes.” “I did not make good choices, but I am still worthy of love and acceptance, and I can make changes that can help enable better choices.” “I have the right to exist, even if I am not perfect.” She also suggested talking to ourselves like we would to a child.

Similarly, Struve talked about identifying limiting beliefs and regularly telling ourselves the opposite. To help you pinpoint limiting beliefs, look for patterns of difficulty in your life, he said. For instance, if you pick partners who cheat on you, your limiting belief might be: “I don’t deserve relationships with people who love me for me”; “all men/women cheat;” or “Sooner or later, I get betrayed.” So you’d tell yourself, “My life is filled with women/men who love and respect me and who behave honorably in relationships.” (You also might make a list of your ideal partner’s traits, he said.)

Use your senses. “Experiencing sensations can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for producing calmness and a sense of overall well-being,” Frank said. For instance, smell essential oils, listen to music and take a walk in nature, she said. What other ways can you appeal to your senses?

Forgive yourself. Self-forgiveness is speaking to ourselves with kindness and practicing self-acceptance. Which means accepting ourselves exactly as we are, and loving ourselves enough to keep growing, Frank said. If we’ve hurt someone, it also means “making amends, taking ownership over our mistakes, and doing our best to repair what we can.”

Shame is painful, and it can feel permanent. Thankfully, it isn’t. Again, you can work through it (on your own or with a therapist).

Struve’s client ended up changing his ways after doing somatic experiencing around his belief that his father didn’t want him as a child. “His difficulties at work subsided and he was able to focus on his performance and get it back on track.”

Frank’s client who struggled with her sexual assault started making peace with her body, particularly after understanding that the “freeze” response is one way our bodies keep us alive. Her client who struggled with addiction found healing through understanding the dynamics of addiction, receiving acceptance from her peers, starting to forgive herself and changing her shame-soaked self-talk.

No matter how deep or severe your shame, you can be free of it.

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A U.K. study that lasted years and involved thousands of people suggests a link between slow walking and cardiovascular mortality.

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The lifeblood of the proletariat, coffee, never ceases to amaze. It can ward off liver cancer. It can determine if you’re a psychopath. It can make you pretty.  And one day each year, the miracle drug is honored as it should be, with its own holiday. September 29th is National Coffee Day, a day for lauding lattes, and, more importantly, a day for getting a free cup of joe. 

But you need to know where to look. You can’t just walk into any given Coffee Bucks and demand a doppio, as the deals differ from cafe to cafe. Thanks to Extra Crispy, you can figure out how to modify your morning commute to take advantage of every National Coffee Day deal. (It’s probably best for your health to avoid that break room coffee.)

First off, the no purchase necessary locations. Canadian embassies* (*Tim Horton’s) across the United States will be offering free original blend, decaf, dark roast, or iced coffee starting on September 29th, and ending a week later on October 6th. In order to take advantage of the deal, all you have to do is not be in Canada (only U.S. locations), and have the Tim Horton’s app on your phone.

Krispy Kreme will be running similar promotions, only slightly shorter in duration. From September 29th to October 1st, anyone can head into one of their locations and pick up a cost-free hot coffee of any size or a small iced coffee.

Dunkin’ Donuts will be having a buy one, get one free deal on September 29th, but this only applies to a hot coffee, medium or smaller. Buy any size, get a medium hot. Good thing the entire United States isn’t unseasonably hot right now or anything.

Starbucks is offering no free coffee at all. According to Extra Crispy, Starbucks will be changing  “all of the menu boards will be replaced by signs describing Starbucks’ ethical sourcing commitments and coffee farmer support and reminding customers that they’re supporting farmers by buying Starbucks.” No word if it’s Free Updated Menu Reading Material Day on September 29th also.

Download the McDonald’s app, get a free McCafe latte or frappe on September 29th. Go to Cinnabon, get a free 12-ounce coffee on September 29th. 7-11 will be giving out free coffees from September 29th to October 2nd, if you’re a member of their 7Rewards program. For New Englanders, head to your local Cumberland Farms to take advantage of their free coffee of any size deal on the 29th.

Wawa will be offering coffee of any size, all day, for free, on September 29th. Wawa’s sworn nemesis, Quick Chek, will be offering buy one, get one deals on all sizes and types of coffee starting on September 29th and extending to every Friday until November 3rd. For those just west of the Delaware, you can get a free pumpkin pie latte at Sheetz if you order through the app. Wawa wins out over its local competitors, as per usual.

While you’re busy drinking all of this free coffee, make sure you know what coffee does to your body when you consume it every day.

[Source: Extra Crispy]

 

 

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Driving en route to a distant destination? That shouldn’t mean you have to forgo your morning cup of coffee. In fact, let’s be honest: Anybody sharing the car with you will be better off if you do grab a quick liquid pick-me-up. (It’s just one of the problems all coffee lovers understand.)

But don’t just leave it to chance—and a random road sign—to determine your next pit stop. This amazing map gives you a state-by-state guide to getting the best bang for your brew. Here are eight more of your most important coffee questions, answered.

Smartphone app company GasBuddy just revealed which gas station brands serve the highest-rated coffee in each state. Their data crunchers reviewed nearly 2 million user reviews of more than 140,000 retail locations where gasoline is sold, ranking each according to the value of its coffee.

Here are the final numbers: Texas-based Buc-ee’s not only received top marks for best gas station coffee in Texas, but the highest score in the entire country, too. Talk about a hearty cup of joe! Cumberland Farms ranked No. 1 in New York, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and New Hampshire, while QuikTrip took the lead score in six states, including Georgia and Arizona. Other high-scoring gas station coffee across the United States included java at Wawa, Casey’s, and Maverik.

“Americans love coffee! Our consumption has increased over the years with premium and gourmet coffees serving as the catalyst,” said Frank Beard, convenience store and retail trends analyst at GasBuddy. “It is evident that gas station convenience stores are taking market share from QSRs and cafes by creating a true coffee experience.”

But travelers, stick to coffee while on the road—not in the air. This is why you should never, ever order coffee on a plane.

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Looking for a caffeine fix, yet craving something sweet? What if you could have the best of both worlds? Step aside, cherry Coke; Coca-Cola has just launched a brand new coffee-flavored soda, and it will definitely leave you drooling in your seat.

Behold: the Coca-Cola Plus Coffee No Sugar beverage. It’s a “fresh take on the delicious taste of Coca-Cola Classic,” Coca-Cola Australia spokeswoman Lisa Winn said a press release. Just one sip combines “the unmistakable aroma of real coffee” with “subtle caramel undertones,” as well as all of the bubbly, fizzy joy you would expect from a regular soda.

If you’re looking for a late-afternoon caffeine fix, pop open a can of Coca-Cola Plus Coffee. One serving contains 14 mg of caffeine, which is less than a regular cappuccino (which has 43mg), but slightly more than a normal Coke (9mg). If you’re looking for a hardcore wake-up call in liquid form, here’s a breakdown of how much caffeine is actually in your favorite coffee.

Plus, as its name suggests, this new beverage contains no sugar. That’s good news for any soda-loving dieters out there; after all, high levels of sugar is one of the 10 reasons to avoid all soda.

Coca-Cola Plus Coffee was recently released in Australia as a limited edition item. And judging from the advertisement below, you can find this one-of-a-kind soda in Japan, too.

＼🎉新発売🎉／
この秋 #コカコーラコーヒープラス 誕生‼️
コカ･コーラとコーヒー☕️がひとつに❗️
アガる！ダブル･カフェイン⤴️⤴️
仕事のスピードもアガる⁉️
詳しくは👉https://t.co/SEXtdLVsPj

※関東･東北･東海の一部エリアで販売 http://pic.twitter.com/ezkDpnPmPD

— コカ･コーラ (@CocaColaJapan) September 12, 2017

Although it hasn’t officially hit the shelves here in the U.S., let’s hope it does soon. You can satisfy your soda cravings with a Coke from McDonald’s in the meantime. As it turns out, there’s actually a secret reason why it tastes better at the fast food restaurant than anywhere else.

[Source: Mashable]

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Onions

You’ll get the most out of this veggie’s cancer-fighting antioxidants by eating it raw; cooking onions at a high heat significantly reduces the benefits of phytochemicals that protect against lung and prostate cancer. (Find out how many times men should ejaculate for even more prostate cancer protection.) Try combining chopped raw onions with tomatoes, avocado, and jalapeño peppers for a blood sugar–friendly chip dip. Finish with a splash of lime juice. Learn why you should never double dip, though.

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Swallow something sweet

A spoonful of sugar is a popular hiccups cure because its graininess could slightly irritate the esophagus, causing the phrenic nerves to “reset” themselves, although there is no proof of this. Don’t miss these 9 clear signs you’re eating too much sugar.

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Here’s the problem: You’ve moved past mere dating into a promising new relationship with someone you hope could be the one. Chances are, the two of you met in the first place because of some sizzling — and probably mutual — flirting. It was fun and exciting. Maybe you didn’t notice then that your new lover has a habit of flirting with everyone. A lot.

But now you have noticed. Doubt has crept in to make you wonder if all that flirting is a sign that your new romance is not as solid as you thought. She flirts with the waiter or the valet parking attendant. He seems to lavish his charm on someone new every time you go out. And it leaves you feeling wounded, confused, and even betrayed.

Before you issue angry ultimatums or break it off prematurely, here are seven strategies to help put things into perspective — and guide you in deciding what to do next.

Talk it over.

Resentment is like mold — it grows fastest in dark, hidden places. If you have concerns about how much your partner flirts with others, bring them into the open. Ask direct questions and welcome honest answers. You may find that a misunderstanding lies at the heart of the matter.

Consider your partner’s motives.

Psychologists point out that not all flirting is about the search for sex or new relationships. For some it masks a sense of insecurity, or is simply playful, never intended to go past the moment. Others use flirting to gain some immediate advantage, like free drinks at the bar or a better table for dinner. Find out which flirting “style” best describes your love and try seeing things through their eyes.

Consider your own motives.

It’s possible that what you call flirting is really just normal, harmless social interaction. Take your own pulse to be sure you aren’t showing signs of unreasonable possessiveness.

Take science into account.

The fact is, a certain amount of flirting is hardwired into our DNA as humans — yourself included. Any attempt to eradicate it entirely, just because you’ve begun a more serious relationship, is unrealistic, and maybe even impossible. On top of that, research has shown that people are more likely to pursue something — even in spite of known negative consequences — if they think it represents “forbidden” fruit.

Read the big picture.

If the person you are dating has a habit of flirting, resist the temptation to let it become the sole piece of evidence upon which you judge the relationship. What do other signs suggest? Do you genuinely enjoy each other when together? Do you communicate well?

Reverse the roles.

This doesn’t mean play silly mind games designed to spur jealousy in your partner. But rather than pouting from the sidelines, you can choose to become the most interesting, attractive, flirty person in the room. It will remind your love why he or she came with you in the first place.

Be true to yourself.

If you’ve done all the above, and your gut still tells you something isn’t right, then do what you must to hold your boundaries. Insist on better treatment, or — failing that — plan your exit.

The post Read This ASAP If Your Partner is a Chronic Flirt appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

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A new study, along with previous research, suggests squirrels use mnemonic strategies to remember where they put the good nuts.

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A new study found that owners of sick pets cope with many of the same burdens as caregivers of sick family members.

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Smart underwear

How women talk about menstruation around the world varies, but here’s a universal truth: Pads can be bulky and uncomfortable. What’s more, not everyone is able to use tampons. Which is why companies like Thinx, who make period-proof underwear are becoming so popular. They’re made with soft organic cotton and designed to look just like ordinary underwear, but they harbor a little secret. They are as absorbent, depending on the type you purchase, as two tampons. The “smart” bit is that they are made of four layers of fabric that are anti-microbial, moisture-wicking, absorbent, and leak-resistant. Plus they’re super comfortable and just need rinsing and then normal laundering. Can you imagine never having to buy pads again?

 

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A band you can’t resist

Resistance bands are an inexpensive piece of equipment that can help you break through a plateau or just provide a fun and challenging way to add variety to you workout routine. “Resistance bands cause resistance throughout the entire exercise and on both horizontal and vertical planes, not just through gravity like dumbbells,” says Katie Chung Hua, a personal trainer at Team Bodybuilding.com Athletes. If you incorporate resistance bands into your routine regularly, it will improve your range of motion and flexibility. Resistance bands are available in a variety of resistance levels. “Start with an easier one and work your way up,” says Chung Hua. “Just like lifting weights, your last few reps need to be difficult, but remember not to sacrifice form.”

 

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Failure is an inevitable part of life. Though science has named these the 5 life skills that promise success, we’re told over and over again that no great success was ever achieved without failure—or many failed attempts. One of life’s most important lessons, therefore, has to be how best to handle failure. But what is the message?

For starters, ignore advice from anyone who tells you, “Don’t beat yourself up about it,” no matter how well-meaning they are. According to new research from the University of Kansas, published online by the Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, we absolutely should be beating ourselves up when we fail.

Marketing professor Noelle Nelson and her team found that the more emotional a person’s response is to failure, the more likely they are to achieve better results the next time they tackle a related task.

The researchers carried out three experiments in which undergraduate students were required to perform specific tasks. In one experiment, they were asked to search online for a blender and report the lowest price they could find with the possibility of winning a $50 cash prize. However the task was rigged, and all participants were told (by a computer) that the lowest price was $3.27 less than their reported price. Consequently, no participant won the cash prize.

When the results were revealed, some participants were asked to focus on their emotional response, and others on their cognitive response (i.e. relating to perception, judgment, and reasoning). During the next similar task, participants who focused on their emotional response to failure made more effort than those who focused on a cognitive response. (Did you know that learning to embrace negative emotions can actually make you happier over time?)

Everybody has their own unique challenges, responsibilities, duties, and projects, but these findings are relevant to all of us. Your personal failure may be a cake that fails to rise, a presentation that goes wrong, or a deadline that got missed—It doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you react to it. Instead of thinking about the failure, let yourself feel bad about it. Then follow this advice on how to bounce back after your failure.

“A natural tendency after failure is sometimes to suppress emotions and cognitively rationalize the failure, but if people know the possible negative effects of that behavior, they can override that natural tendency and focus on the negative feelings,” says Nelson, as reported on ScienceDaily. “That should lead to learning and future decision-making that is more positive.”

 

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The Liberty Hotel in Boston

When you’re planning a vacation, you want to be sure you’re on top of all the things you should ask your hotel. And then you want to make sure your stay is memorable. Here’s one way: Formerly the Charles Street Jail, the Liberty Hotel in Boston, Massachusetts, is an actual converted prison that housed a few famous inmates back in the day, like Malcolm X and one-time Boston mayor James Curley.

The luxury hotel even has prison-themed names for its rooms and lounge areas. For example, The Clink is an on-site restaurant, and The Alibi is the hotel’s cocktail bar—and former jailhouse drunk tank. Amenities include air conditioning, in-room safes, minibar, complimentary overnight shoe shines, and on-site concierge. Guaranteed the prisoners never had it this good.

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Try to determine how much sleep your body needs

Listen to your body to see how much sleep is needed. For some it’s 7.5 hours of shut-eye, for others it may be nine hours of rest. “Listen to your body’s own rhythms to figure it out,” shares sleep expert Michael Breus, PhD, on webmd.com. Once you know how much shut eye your body needs, you can create an action plan to reach that goal. Here are some sleep myths you can safely ignore.

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It sounds too simple to be true, but in a research review published in 2015, a team of researchers looked at decades of studies on running shoes and injury prevention. You may not even realize how many ways your shoes are ruining your workout. In their research, they found only one good predictor of whether a running shoe could reduce injury risk: comfort. When you ignore what your body is telling you or try to overcorrect for things like pronation, it may lead to injury. So the next time you head to the store to buy a new pair of running shoes, ask yourself, “Is this shoe comfortable?” But what exactly does “comfort” mean when it comes to a running shoe?

“Contrary to popular belief, comfort does not and should not always mean more cushion,” says Eric Orton, author of The Cool Impossible and the coach in Christopher McDougall’s cult read Born to Run. “I have found that flexibility in the mid/outsole plays a big role in comfort, allowing the foot to act more natural.” Orton notes that runners who are more flat-footed tend to find more comfort in outsoles that are flat on the bottom, whereas runners with a higher arch, usually find better comfort in a shoe that has a “cut out” section in the outsole under the arch/middle of the foot. “With that said, a flat-footed runner might find that less cushioned shoes are more comfortable because their lower profile will better help stabilize their feet,” he says. “The arched runner might experience the opposite.”

Cara Ann Senicola, PT, DPT, OCS, USATF-L1, CYT and an orthopedic specialist at the Hospital for Special Surgery agrees: “Always checkout the bottom of the sneaker. It should look like the runner’s foot shape.” Senicola adds that some toe boxes are wider than others, so if you have a wide foot, make sure to choose a wider toe box. You’ll also want to make sure the toe box is tall enough to let toes move naturally. “A high toe box height allows the toes to move up and down, with the natural flex in toes during run gait,” Orton explains. “If the toe box height is too low, this inhibits the toes’ natural up and down toe movement which can cause discomfort, especially in your shins, without you realizing why.”

You also want to have room between the top of the shoe and where your toes end. How much room depends on the distance you’re running and if you run mostly flat terrain versus hilly terrain. “With very hilly terrain, the runner might need to size up half a size to allow for good foot flex running up hills and enough room to move when running down,” Orton says.

Overwhelmed? Don’t be! Most running stores can help guide you through this process and will often offer to film you running. “I would highly recommend shopping for sneakers in typical running gear (tights, socks, etc) and try jogging a little in a few sneakers recommended by someone who works at a running store before making a final purchase,” Senicola says. Now that you’ve got your shoe problem figured out, here are the common running mistakes you don’t know you’re making—and should probably fix ASAP.

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Cleaning bathrooms

You never know where greatness will come from—just check out the stories of nine ordinary people who changed history. CEO of OnFire Books, Tammy Kling has always had the urgency to write. It’s not because she wanted to be famous or sell a lot of copies (although she has thousands of followers and is a best-selling author). Her urgency comes from a real need to speak to a reader one-on-one. When Kling was seven, her father committed suicide. She says, “My number one mission is suicide prevention.” (Check out this amazing story of a suicide that was prevented.) The message of “never give up” comes up often in the books she works on. Through her role at OnFire Books, Kling helps top executives, celebrities, and other noteworthy influencers tell their stories in hopes to help someone else. Perseverance is a common theme in life advice from revolutionary individuals. Before starting her company from scratch, she worked many grueling jobs—such as being an airline stewardess and hostess at Chili’s Bar and Grill. Her very first job was scrubbing toilets at an office building, a gig that was supposed to teach her the value of hard work. She’s now against the idea of making kids do dirty work. She says, “Leadership is about leading, not punishing.” This value is reflecting in a key aspect of OnFire Books’ homeless writer’s division in which homeless shelters are given inspirational reading material and the people facing homelessness are given the opportunity to transcribe interviews and life stories from top executives. She says, ” If you know you want to change lives and you’re not doing it, you have to take a step.”

Her words of wisdom: What matters is who we are, not what we do.

Ready for more inspiration? Read life advice from Steve Jobs, Shonda Rhimes, and J.K Rowling.

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When Donna Castillo pushed her daughter in a stroller on their daily walk around a Miami neighborhood in 1989, she could never have known that the repercussions of that day would echo in her family’s life for years to come. Donna was about two months pregnant on that warm day. She often took walks with her daughter to stay healthy. (Avoiding exercise during pregnancy is one of the notorious pregnancy myths you should ignore.) As she strolled past a local self-pick farm that grew strawberries and tomatoes, she noticed a large tractor, stuck in mud, jerking back and forth in a struggle to move forward. The tractor’s sprayer mechanism was still open, and as the wind shifted, Donna was doused in an odorless, tasteless, and colorless liquid. When she recounted the event to her husband, Juan, an accountant—and again to her obstetrician the next day—they both told her not to worry, and that it was most likely water.

Months later, Donna went into labor. She gave birth to their son Johnny, but to the parents’ horror, he was born with anolphthalmia, a rare condition in which a baby is born with no eyes. The couple struggled to understand how something so tragic could have happened to their baby. It would be years before they arrived at the grim conclusion that it was that fateful day Donna had been sprayed—not with water, but with an incredibly toxic pesticide called Benlate, manufactured by the chemical giant DuPont.

Following Johnny’s birth, Donna joined an international support group for those affected by the rare birth defect. Through the group, Donna learned about a group of 29 children in Scotland with anolphthalmia: Their mothers had all been exposed to Benlate while pregnant. An investigator for the London Observer contacted the farmer of the U-pick berry farm Donna had walked by during her exposure, and the farmer admitted that he had, in fact, used the same pesticide. Pesticides may also increase your risk of developing these dangerous medical conditions.

After approaching several lawyers about taking her case with no success, Donna walked into the office of Jim Ferraro and found the hope she had been searching for. Ferraro not only agreed to take the case, which was the first of its kind, but he worked tirelessly to find a way to beat the odds and win. A case against an industry giant like DuPont faced very long odds. Ferraro told Reader’s Digest, “No one would take her case, because no one fights a chemical company and wins. DuPont is like the Roman army.”

Ferraro thoroughly researched the chemical and discovered a study by the University of California that showed a 43 percent increase in ocular deformities in pregnant rats. That’s when Ferraro knew he had a case worth presenting. “I was sleeping four hours a night. I took 63 depositions in four countries. I was absolutely crazy,” he says. Despite numerous appeals by DuPont, Ferraro and the Castillo family finally prevailed. “It was ten years and one month later that we received the final ruling from the Supreme Court,” he recalls. The family was awarded damages totalling $4 million.

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Now 26 years old, Johnny Castillo enjoys exploring his talents in music and singing, and attended the Perkins School for the Blind in Massachusetts. “He’s done really well,” Ferraro says. (This amazing school is teaching the blind how to “see” by using their tongues.)

Even though DuPont took the pesticide off the market during the appeal phase of the trial, Ferraro says there is still work to be done, and he hopes other lawyers won’t hesitate to get involved. Ferraro says that it’s too easy for corporations like DuPont to get past Environmental Protection Agency regulations and bring their harmful products to market in the United States. They conduct studies in a way that allows them to skew results in their favor. “These corporations fund the very studies that the EPA relies on. There’s no protection, and it’s incestuous,” he says. “It shouldn’t be this way, and it will affect thousands of lives if we can change this.”

Ferraro’s new book, Blindsided: The True Story of One Man’s Crusade Against Chemical Giant DuPont For A Boy With No Eyes, was released in June and tells the incredible story of the Castillo family’s tragedy and triumph, and how one lawyer’s willingness to take on a powerful corporation made all the difference. The book is quickly climbing best-seller lists and a movie detailing the incredible story is currently in discussion.

Ferraro is quick to offer encouragement to the next generation of lawyers who hope to make positive changes in the lives of those most vulnerable. “I want young lawyers to take a chance and make something happen—because it’s not going to happen on its own,” he says.

 

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by Reader’s Digest editors, who aim to highlight products and services you might find interesting. If you buy them, we may get a small share of revenue from our partners, such as Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. We frequently receive products free of charge from manufacturers to test. This does not drive our decision as to whether or not a product is featured or recommended. We welcome your feedback. Have something you think we should know about? Email us at Letters@rd.com.

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Peppermint

If you’re in need of a refreshing mist or sniff that’s enough to boost your mood, focus, and energy levels—and you don’t have the time to try this simple energy-lifting routine—pick up some peppermint. Studies have linked peppermint essential oils to a reduction in heart rate and headaches, two side effects of high stress. “You can inhale the oil directly from the bottle (great if you work in an office with scent-sensitive people) or diffuse three drops of oil in water for an hour up to three times a day,” Maat van Uitert, essential oil expert, says. “It can also be used topically: Dilute one drop of oil in 1 tablespoon of coconut oil.” Just test a small area of skin to make sure you’re not allergic. Additionally, van Uitert recommends buying your oils from a reputable source to ensure purity. “Cheap oils might not be pure, and you won’t see the same effect.” Here are some other essential oils that will amp your energy levels.

 

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You’re a textaholic

Bad posture is one of the leading causes of neck pain. (Try these 7 easy fixes to improve your posture.) The more time you spend with your head pulled forward or down—the very position your neck takes when you’re glued to your phone—means more work for the vertebrae of the lower neck. This also stresses the muscles of the upper back as they balance out the movement of your head. (Learn more about how texting hurts your body.) Try to keep your phone as close to eye level as possible to avoid this neck strain. The same goes for desk jockeys: When sitting at your desk, look straight ahead. Your eyes should stare at the top of your computer screen. If you need more leverage, use a few hardcover books to make your screen sit higher than you. Don’t miss these other ways to help your body recover from sitting at a desk all day.

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Was our current era defined by the introduction of the iPhone, the hashtag, and a professional wrestling appearance by a future U.S. president?

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Ripples in space-time traveled 1.8 billion light-years to wash through our planet on Aug. 14. And this time not two but three detectors picked them up.

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Falling low on vitamin D can lead to all kinds of troubles, such as depression, low energy, and even cancer. Though you can get vitamin D from fortified foods like dairy, or supplements, perhaps the easiest way is through sunlight: The body requires UV light to manufacture this vital nutrient. Unfortunately, the weak—or absent—winter sun poses a real problem for people who live in northerly climes. Now, a new study suggests there may be an indoor alternative for those who can’t get enough sunlight.

According to research by a team at Boston University School of Medicine and published in Scientific Reports, light from RayVio’s 293nm ultraviolet (UV) LED light produces more vitamin D3 in skin samples than the sun. The team, led by Tyler Kalajian is reporting that skin exposed to the light for one minute showed twice the amount of vitamin D3 production compared to skin exposed to sunlight for more than a half hour.

“We tested ultraviolet LEDs from different sources and at different wavelengths. RayVio’s 293nm LED showed the most significant potential for vitamin D3 production in the shortest amount of time,” said Dr. Holick, professor of medicine, physiology, and biophysics at Boston University School of Medicine, as reported by EurekaAlert. “This study will lead to a new generation of technology that can be labeled as photopharmacology in which the use of LEDs with targeted wavelengths can cause specific biologic effects in human skin to help treat and prevent chronic illnesses.”

Getting enough vitamin D is beneficial for the body in many ways—it can help prevent multiple sclerosis, rickets, joint pain and more. According to American Family Physician, about 6 percent of people in the United States suffer winter depression or seasonal affective disorder; 10 to 20 percent may have a milder form of the depression caused by the weather. Typically, integrating exercise, light therapy, fun activities, and getting enough vitamin D can help ward off feelings of sadness.

This study lends more support to the idea of using light therapy to treat patients with seasonal affective disorder and vitamin D deficiency. According to the study authors, UV LED devices like the RayVio light could reach areas of the skin that don’t necessarily always receive sunlight, including the upper legs and arms, as well as the back and abdomen. This would lessen the possibility of non-melanoma skin cancer, as the light produces a much smaller amount of light than sunshine and would then reduce the risk for skin damage. The study authors hope that with more research a small wearable device that emits the needed amount of light could be created.

“The potential of digital UV technology for phototherapy is enormous,” Dr. Robert C. Walker, RayVio’s CEO said. “Dr. Holick’s research with our UVB LEDs demonstrates the potential for new applications that can potentially improve and save hundreds of thousands of lives.

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Treatment options for the 10 million Americans—mostly women—with osteoporosis leave a lot to be desired. This silent but deadly bone-thinning condition can be brought on by even harmless-seeming habits like these. According to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM), those with severe bone loss have trouble preventing bone fracture and regaining bone strength even while taking medication. However, the study suggests that a new medication could solve this problem by significantly boosting bone density.

Currently, doctors typically prescribe the drug alendronate for women with severe osteoporosis. While alendronate can increase bone density and cut fracture risk by nearly 50 percent, the risk of breaking a bone is still unacceptably high—which is why researchers at the Institute of Medicine, Sahlgrenska Academy decided to look at the possible benefits of a medication called romosozumab. The drug targets a substance in bones that can interfere or slow down the formation of new bone. For the study, researchers included 4,093 women—average age of 74—who had osteoporosis and had suffered a bone fracture in the past. The volunteers took either a 12-month supply of alendronate or romosozumab.

At the conclusion of the study, those who took romosozumab showed a 48 percent lower risk for vertebral fractures (the spine is a common site for osteoporotic fractures) compared to participants who were taking alendronate. The risk for any type of clinical fracture was 27 percent lower in the romosozumab participants.

There were some worrisome side effects in both groups—but cardiovascular issues, including heart attacks and strokes were higher in romosozumab patients—2.5 percent—as opposed to 1.9 percent of patients who were on alendronate. This was a surprise, say the researchers, since previous research on romosozumab hadn’t detected any heart risk. Here are some other simple things you can do daily to boost your bone density.

As promising as the romosozumab tablets appear to be, says study author Mattias Lorentzon, more research is needed. Nonetheless he is hopeful the drug could work. “With romosozumab in the treatment arsenal, we could prevent many fractures among the high-risk patients,” Lorentzon said.

If you’re concerned about osteroprosis, here are some symptoms to look out for and what to know about your bone health.

 

from Reader's Digest http://ift.tt/2xMLm7I

The Bully Within and Without

A young man described his anxiety as being like a gang of bullies surrounding and taunting him with invectives such as, “You’re going to fail anyway, so why bother trying?” “Nothing is ever going to work for you.” “What if everything falls apart?” These inner demons echoed some of what he came to believe when he was in middle school — a period which seems to be the bane of the existence for many teens. It tends to be a point in their development when they cross an invisible line into their own personal hell.

In his case there were actual human representatives of that harsh inner critic that he came to carry with him. He internalized the bullies and let them run roughshod over him.

As an adult, he worried about his future. He worried about making friends. He worried about having a relationship.

Standing in the Customer Service Line

Despite his apparent successes, such as graduating high school, preparing to go to college, finding a job he enjoys, having a small circle of reliable friends, as well as caring parents who believe in him, he would still find himself bombarded with those self-sabotaging thoughts.

It made sense to him to treat these thoughts one at a time, like a line of individuals waiting for customer service. He agreed to run each one through validation filters. Was it true and knowable that he would fail? Of course not. Was it true nothing would ever work? No, he had successes that proved otherwise. And yes, sometimes things do fall apart, but then much of the time they can be put back together. He recognized that he was not Humpty Dumpty.

He could determine when anxiety was beginning to take hold. His physical symptoms included rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, redness in his face and neck, butterflies in the stomach. They preceded the self-deprecating thoughts. He had learned to face them by doing something both physical (by taking a walk, going for a run or working out at the gym) and emotional (by talking with friends, going to church, or writing about his feelings). Still there were times when he felt as if he was aloft on a seesaw, spending most of his time dangling helplessly in the air. Rare was the time when he was grounded and solid. 

His intention was to overcome the incessant mind chatter. He was increasingly willing to be aware of when he felt hijacked by emotions and challenge negative self-talk. He began to use the mantras, “My history is not my destiny,” and “I am here and now, not there and then.”

How Anxious Are You?

This test, based upon Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (American Psychiatric Association, 5th Ed.) criteria for panic and anxiety disorders, incorporates both the psychological and physiological symptoms and the ways in which anxiety impacts daily life. In an endeavor to understand further, I took the quiz and discovered that I am rarely anxious, but that it might also imply detachment and disconnection from my feelings. This occurs, in part because there is a desire to feel as if I can handle anything that presents itself — call it an occupational hazard. I do remind myself to take my own good counsel and recognize those moments of powerlessness, which is also how I have heard clients describe the fears that arise. While anxiety can be a springboard that motivates people to make positive change, it has been debilitating when left untreated.

In a 2012 interview on NPR, Daniel Smith, the author of Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety, differentiates between fear and anxiety. “The traditional view of fear and anxiety going back to Freud — and perhaps before — is that fear is a primitive alarm in response to a present danger. So, fear is located in the present, whereas anxiety is a state of nervous vigilance that’s oriented toward the future, some threat to your well-being that’s located in the future.”  

Smith found himself overwhelmed with anxiety-riddled fantasies that led him down the rabbit hole of despair, conjuring up the worse-case scenarios that, like the young man referenced earlier, flew in the face of his apparent successes. It was by working with a competent cognitive therapist that he was able to see progress.

Calming the Body and the Mind

In addition to talk therapy, it’s beneficial to address physiological processes via mindfulness meditation, exercise, nutritional changes and engaging laughter muscles.

Laughter Yoga was created in 1995 by cardiologist Dr. Madan Kataria and his wife Madhuri who is a yoga teacher. Together they researched the connection between sustained diaphragmatic breathing combined with laughter as a means of enhancing life. Full out belly laughs are an important part of the process as one engages the solar plexus. The physiological and psychological shifts are observable. They include increased blood flow and oxygen, release of pain relieving and pleasure inducing hormones, decrease in cortisol (a stress hormone), as well as reduction in depression and anxiety.

In a world in which uncertainty about the future is reason enough to feel heightened anxiety, finding the proper tools and techniques and putting them into daily practice can make the difference between being at the mercy of the chattering monkey mind or feeding it a symbolic banana.

from Psych Central http://ift.tt/2ftoBvk