Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting: What’s the Difference?

Two schools of thought

There’s only a few letters’ difference between the words authoritative and authoritarian. But when it comes to parenting styles, those few letters mean a world of difference between the two schools of thought.

“These are very different styles, different approaches, with very different end goals,” says Alyson Schafer, therapist and author of Honey I Wrecked the Kids. “Authoritarian or autocratic parenting style aims to achieve the goal of raising an obedient child by using external control methodologies—they force the child to behave according to the parents’ will. Authoritative parenting style has much higher faith in the child. The parent believes that the child is teachable, and sees discipline as a teachable moment.” (Don’t miss the 17 forgotten manners every parent should teach their child.)

To get a sense of how these two styles differ, here’s a look inside the challenges—and how a parent following each approach would tackle the same common parenting problem.