The Psychology of Surviving 7 Awkward Moments

How to get an honest answer

You’re buying a used car, moving into a new apartment, or determining which doctor should treat your cancer. These are times when you need to get directly to the core of an issue. Asking general questions elicits little valuable information and may even yield deceptive responses, says Julia Minson, a visiting scholar in decision sciences at the University of Pennsylvania. The best bet, says Minson, is to ask probing questions that presume there are problems.
Let’s say someone is selling a used iPhone. An example of a general question is “What can you tell me about it?” A positive-assumption question is “There aren’t any problems with it, right?” But a negative-assumption question such as “What problems have you had with it?” will get the most honest response, found Minson and colleagues. In a study that set up a fake sales interaction, 87 percent of the sellers alerted the buyer to problems when asked a negative-assumption question versus 59 percent of those responding to a positive-assumption query and 10 percent of those responding to a general one. When you want the unvarnished truth, you have to ask for it: What mechanical problems does this car have? What are the worst parts of this job? How many people with my kind of illness have been successfully treated? What are their relapse rates? Your questions should communicate that you assume there will be difficulties and drawbacks and that you want to know about them. These are the 10 secrets you learn in etiquette class that will help you manage any situation.

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