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Sunday, September 30, 2018

Book Review: Unsafe Thinking: How To Be Nimble & Bold When You Need It Most

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Safe thinking might just be a bit of a misnomer. For one thing, it presumes that events can be predicted, situations accurately interpreted, setbacks nimbly sidestepped, and failures deftly avoided.

Yet as anyone who has ever tried to forecast an outcome has learned, the world offers no crystal balls.

Maybe it’s time for a new way to think. Enter Unsafe Thinking: How To Be Nimble and Bold When You Need It Most, by Jonah Sachs — a book that doesn’t just question the conventional, but provides a compelling argument for why we all should too.

“Why do a small number of individuals and organizations consistently thrive in conditions of rapid change while so many more attain a certain level of success only to get stuck in a rut?” asks Sachs.

In answer to that question, Sachs, who describes himself as an unsafe thinker, went in search of those people who, like him, didn’t like rules and predetermined processes, take great risks, don’t shy away from uncertainty, and defy convention to produce things most of us couldn’t even imagine.

What Sachs found was that unsafe thinkers are not just “crazy.” They have learned that continuously facing their anxiety and tolerating a high degree of uncertainty is the only way to truly challenge themselves.

Sachs writes, “In a rapidly changing world, unsafe thinking is an indispensable skill. But it doesn’t come naturally because the basic structures of the human mind prejudice us against changing ourselves and how we approach problems.”

We settle for safety and the most assured route to success — what is also known as the “hill-climbing heuristic” — and in the process, allow our need to project assurance squash our creativity.

So how do we overcome the trap of conventional thinking?

Sachs offers six key components: courage, motivation, learning, flexibility, morality, and leadership. Yet the process of learning to think in unsafe ways is in no way preordained.

He writes, “The most adaptive of us rely on those tools that come most naturally and intentionally work to hone those they are less naturally inclined to use.”

One of those skills is opening ourselves up to a wider audience in search of solutions when we are in the middle of a crisis.

Sachs quotes John Mackey, Whole Foods founder, speaking about his own crisis when a social media buzz claiming that his company mismeasured products caused the stock price to plummet: “Check with us in a year. Either a new butterfly will have emerged or we won’t be here.”

Confessions like Mackey’s are rare because we are intuitively programmed to avoid situations that can result in negative evaluation. However, Sachs tells us, seeking to avoid our anxiety only narrows our focus, depletes our resources, and ultimately makes the anxiety worse.

The way out is not to avoid anxiety, but rather, to become more comfortable with the discomfort of it. “Teaching ourselves to be comfortable with a bit of discomfort gives us a far better chance of changing habitual patterns and opening space for new possibilities,” writes Sachs.

Like understanding the nature of anxiety, understanding how motivation works is a key to mastering it. External motivation is not, in itself bad. Rather, it is demotivating when external rewards make us feel manipulated, coerced, or controlled.

“Raisins are tasty, but they lose their appeal when getting them makes us feel like animals in a lab,” writes Sachs. And maintaining motivation also, counterintuitively, requires constant challenge and difficulty

The best way to describe this is the state of flow, when the challenge just barely exceeds the level of skill, where our focus, skills, and creativity heighten and our actions and awareness merge while feelings of self-consciousness fade away.

“Being in a flow channel,” writes Sachs, “allows us to maintain high levels of energy and confidence and enough love for a challenge to make risk-taking possible and worthwhile.”

Love of challenges also help us avoid the trap of thinking in patterns and missing the changing landscape in front of us.

One powerful example Sachs points to is a study demonstrating that people who had lived abroad solved the famous Dunker candle problem 60 percent of the time while those who had not lived in an unfamiliar place had a success rate of just 42 percent.

The answer might not be thinking out of the box. Instead, it may be rethinking the box itself.

Sachs tells us that in embracing our uncertainty, leaping into the counterintuitive, doing things that make us a beginner again, letting go of the need to look like an expert, practicing disobedience, resisting quick forming consensus, incentivizing risk taking and most importantly, making getting unsafe safe, we find the creative energy needed to face and embrace an ever changing world.

Learning to be more comfortable with uncertainty might be the most important innovation in business and life we have today, and it is just one of the many gems in Sachs’s brilliant book.

Unsafe Thinking: How To Be Nimble and Bold When You Need It Most
Da Capo Lifelong Books, April 2018
Hardcover, 256 pages



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Saturday, September 29, 2018

Sexual Assault: What Is It? How to Empower Recovery for Survivors

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Despite growing awareness, sexual assault is not going away. In fact, every 98 seconds, someone in America is sexually assaulted, reports RAINN, a leading support provider for sexual assault survivors.

Most incidents of rape or sexual assault — 69% — happen to people between ages 12 and 35.  Each of us can learn something and do something safely to make a huge difference to reduce risk, prevent trauma, and help more people heal.

Victims include men, women and children. Assaults are most often carried out by someone they know. Sexual assault is most prevalent among younger women:

  • 9 in 10 victims of rape are female(1)
  • Most sexual assaults — 69% — involve victims between ages 12 and 35(1)
  • 82% of all juvenile victims of sexual violence are female(1)
  • Nearly 2 in every 3 college students (male and female) experience sexual harassment (2)
  • 7 in 10 of rapes are committed by a person known to the victim (3)

What Is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault consists of any unwanted sexual touch. While it includes rape and groping, any “sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent” is sexual assault, says RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network).

The degree of violence does not matter. Rape and drug-facilitated sexual assault are two of the most recognizable forms. But assault can also happen when someone rubs up against your body without your consent. It can happen with the uninvited touching or holding that violates your personal space and boundaries.

Placing Responsibility for Sexual Assault Where It Belongs

We need to question and challenge attitudes that blame the victim: “Oh, well what was she wearing? Was she drinking? Or did she lead him on?” This view comes from ignorance or misinformation and needs to change.

Sexual assault is in no way the victim’s fault.  What a person is wearing, whether they are smiling, flirting, partying, or whether they are drunk or sober does not matter. Unless that person freely says ‘yes’ to sexual behavior, that behavior counts as assault.

Victims of assault need to know: You did nothing wrong in that moment. You just happened to be there. And then this person decided that your body was up for grabs.

The more attention and awareness we can bring to examine our biases, the more I hope we can reduce the incidents of assault and the suffering and shame of survivors.

Why Failure to Resist Does NOT Mean Consent

Without awareness and education, attitudes and misinformation can make it difficult to recognize sexual assault when it occurs. Some people mistakenly fault the victim who does not appear to say no to what is happening. We need to know that victims — especially those who have survived prior traumas — may freeze with terror, which is triggered when someone violates their sense of safety.

Most of us understand the “fight, flight, or freeze” response to fear. Once triggered, our neurobiology takes over, and it is very hard to shut off. When a sense of danger overwhelms the nervous system, it is not uncommon for sexual assault victims to freeze.

As a primal reflex, freezing can increase the odds of survival. After all, if your victim isn’t fighting, why not ease up the attack and save your energy?  Unfortunately, freezing rarely enables escape from a person who is intent on forcing sexual activity on someone else.

When a person feels violated — especially for a person with a trauma history, paralyzing fear is common. It’s a misunderstanding that victims do nothing to resist assault. What they do is freeze, to survive the trauma overwhelming them in that moment.

It is never right to blame the victim for what happened, no matter what they are wearing or where they happen to be, or whether they failed to stop it.

How to Reduce Your Risk

Basic personal safety is key to prevention.  

It is important to remember that the vast majority of sexual assaults happen in a setting with people you know.  Tips for staying safe include:

  • Make sure you go to social events with people you know are safe.
  • Plan ahead of time to look out for each other. Have plans to check in with each other and make sure each of you is okay.
  • If you are going to be drinking, watch your drink and don’t accept open drinks from others.  
  • Agree to go with a designated non-drinker who knowingly takes the role of watching that the situation stays safe.

Helping Others Reduce Their Risk

As one person, you may feel too insignificant to matter.  Please know that the difference you can make is huge. Because so many acts of assault begin in social settings, a bystander can interrupt in safe and helpful ways to help prevent an assault.

Follow your gut.  If a situation does not look right, and it feels safe to interrupt, say something:

  • “Hey, I’ve been looking for you – let’s go someplace to talk…”
  • “How’s it going? Is that okay with you?”
  • “Sorry, but we have to leave.”

If a situation looks unsafe, you can get the attention of someone in charge, such as a security guard or someone working at the venue, to help intervene.

For bystanders, RAINN provides the helpful cue CARE: Create a distraction, Ask Directly, Refer to an authority, or Enlist others.  RAINN provides more resources for safety planning, campus safety, and how bystanders can help.

Recovering from Sexual Assault

If you have experienced sexual assault, it is not your fault — even though you may be feeling guilty, ashamed, even devastated and worthless after what happened.  Know that it is possible for you to better protect yourself and to heal, and it is not too late to begin.

The important thing to do is tell someone you can trust about what happened.  If you do not know someone you can trust, there are local and national resources you can call to talk to someone who is trained to listen, and guide you responsibly to the help you need.  See More Resources below.

Signs of Change in the Media, On Campus and in the Legal System

Fortunately, thanks to the hard work of victims, doctors, therapists and advocates, more people are starting to recognize sexual assault for what it is — a trauma and a crime that needs greater awareness and prevention.

More colleges are holding surveys of students to learn the extent of unwanted sexual behavior and put better safeguards in place. The tragic sexual assault and murder of Hannah Graham, a local Virginia student, gained national media coverage, including stories on CBS News (for example, these stories in 2015 and 2016) and in the Huffington Post. Celebrities including Lady Gaga and Mary J. Blige are using their music as a powerful way to reach survivors and challenge the bias of blame (See More Resources below).

Lawmakers are beginning to help better protect the rights of rape victims. State Department official and rape survivor Amanda Nguyen has been a forceful advocate for a bill now introduced to Congress: the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act, which aims to protect victims’ rights to their evidence, whether or not they decide to press charges.

Your Voice Matters

If you think your voice is too small to matter, please know it does matter. If you think you alone can’t make a difference, that is not true: you can make a huge difference.  Each of us can learn something to help prevent the next incident, and empower another victim to get help.

Sexual assault happens too often and devastates too many lives for us to accept without greater awareness. It is so important for all of us to educate ourselves about what we can do.  

Where Our Numbers Came From

(1) Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics (RAINN)

(2) Get Statistics (NSVRC)

(3) Perpetrators of Sexual Violence: Statistics (RAINN)

More Resources:

Education and Support for Victims of Sexual Assault

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) has excellent educational resources  support for victims, and a hotline:

About Sexual Assault

Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE

Survivors of Incest Anonymous

Local Resources

Alexandria Sexual Assault and Awareness Program
Hotline: 703-683-7273

Advocacy

No More, a campaign for public awareness and to help engage bystanders in ending domestic violence and sexual assault

RISE (to support passage of the Sexual Assault Survivor’s Bill of Rights)

Songs

Caution: This content may be triggering for survivors of sexual assault

Lady Gaga – Til It Happens To You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmWBrN7QV6Y 

Mary J. Blige Sheds Spotlight on Domestic Violence in ‘Whole Damn Year’ Video, by Bennan Carley, Spin magazine

Ten Inspiring Songs About Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault That Will Move You, by No More staff



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Friday, September 28, 2018

Why Severe Allergies Can Suddenly Pop Up in Adulthood

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Your body never freaked out before when you were stung by a bee. And yet one day, you have an anaphylactic reaction to a bee sting. What's the deal?

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The Deadly Problem of Coal Ash

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Properly disposing and storing coal ash is extremely tricky, and it only takes one small trigger to cause a catastrophe.

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Book Review: Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark

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There are many things in this world that are forbidden and many more that we forbid ourselves. We may not allow ourselves to feel or acknowledge our shame, anger, longing, or grief.

When we are not aware of the feelings we disallow, they act under the surface, driving behaviors we may not fully understand. In his new book, Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark: Breaking Free from the Hidden Forces That Drive You, Robert Augustus Masters takes us inside the world of the shadow self and shows us that in breaking free from our shadow self, we also break free from our ingrained conditioning so we can find a fuller, more grounded sense of self and an enhanced capacity for life and love.

“All of us have our own shadow, which is packed with our unique assembly of those aspects of ourselves we’ve learned to keep out of sight, a collection accumulated over the course of a lifetime. We learned, for reasons of survival, to deny or bury our deeper pain and core wounding,” writes Masters.

The fear of the shadow self is also universal as it is often only witnessed in dramatic and unforeseen outbursts that leave us painfully aware of the discord within ourselves.

Masters writes, “Our shadow is the place within each of us that contains what we don’t know, don’t like, or deny about ourselves.”

Yet the exploration of the shadow — although uncomfortable at times — moves us from an abstract experience of the self to a direct one. Masters describes the experience of his client Mark: “I saw his internal division: there was sincerity, hurt, and a subtle flatness in his left eye, but something darker and harder was emanating from his right eye. I had him face me and cover his left eye with his left hand, and then I guided him into expressing what he felt as he looked at me through his right eye: aggression and entitlement, tightly coiled but very much present.”

The shadow also houses all of our early conditioning, which can often feel like a sort of imprisonment that we interpret as normal. “Though we may intuit, at least to some degree, that we’re trapped, we still tend to invest a lot of energy in seeking effective distractions from this sense of imprisonment, perhaps visualizing freedom as a more comfortable place, without seeing that this apparent freedom actually may just be another kind of prison,” writes Masters.

Interrupting the reactivity that is fueled by the shadow self, Masters tells us, requires that we step back, slow down, and create space. He writes, “You start to realize that, while you were being reactive, your voice sounded much like it did when you were seven or eight years old. The same desperation, the same drivenness, the same cadence. You were hurting considerably then and trying to keep your hurt out of sight, because earlier times had been met with parental rejection and shaming.”

The shadow can also emerge in our sense of self, influencing how dependent or independent we feel, and how capable we are of recognizing and embracing our interdependence. One way to begin exploring our shadow, then, is to look to our fears. Masters writes, “When we are in the grip of fear, things often become more shadowy, more threatening and more edgy, keeping us excessively vigilant — and small.”

Through exploring our fears, and especially not shaming ourselves for them, we become open to compassion, empathy, and our inherent vulnerability.

We also come to see the underlying motivations of our actions — a kind of honesty that is committed to recognizing and no longer being controlled by the motivations we’ve kept in our shadow.

Reactivity, for example, can be a chance to explore our shadow more fully, and in doing so, open the space for increased transparency and vulnerability.

While working with our shadow is a major undertaking, Masters tells us, four practices are necessary: being present, having healthy empathy, the practice of not-knowing, and holding space for our shadow elements.

We may also find that in exploring our shadow, we find our inner critic. Masters writes, “There are painful, dark, embarrassing things in each of us — qualities we can easily disown, reject, or deny. But when we move toward these things, approaching them with both care and curiosity, there’s a sense of them leaving our shadow, shifting from being disowned or rejected its to reclaimed me.”

To emerge from our shadow, and the pain, grief, shame, anger, and self-sabotage it contains, we have to enter it. And when we do, we may find that not only are we no longer controlled or imprisoned by our shadow, but rather fueled by empathy, compassion, wholehearted love, openness, honesty, and a complete experience of who we are.

Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark: Breaking Free from the Hidden Forces That Drive You
Sounds True, October 2018
Paperback, 248 pages



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What Are Days and Nights Like on the Moon?

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Do they even look different?

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Wasps Deserve Some Love, Too

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Just like bees, wasps are pollinators that are also endangered. But you rarely hear anyone pleading to save wasps. A new study finds out why wasps are despised by the public and researchers alike.

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Thursday, September 27, 2018

Book Review: What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew

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While ADHD can rob children of the executive functioning skills that are pivotal in life, it can also rob both them and their parents of the very relationship that can help improve those skills.

More often than not as ADHD children struggle to complete tasks, remember important items, and focus attention long enough to hold a conversation, their parents find themselves equally frustrated, and most likely, not in the best place to parent them.

What is missing is understanding. In her new book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life, Sharon Saline, Psy.D., offers unique insight into the world of the ADHD child — complete with the shame, despair, and frustration that are so common to the diagnosis — to provide parents with not just a new awareness of their child’s needs, but the tools and practical skills to rebuild their relationship with their child and help them find success.

“You may know that your daughter is forgetful and needs multiple reminders to remember her soccer practice and her chores. But do you really understand what having ADHD is like for them?” asks Dr. Saline.

Families with ADHD often miss signals and struggle to find ways to communicate. While children with ADHD can be incredibly creative, energetic, and full of life, they can also feel that their inability to read the nuances of social interactions, organize and complete tasks, and focus their attention are signs that they are not normal.

For the parents of ADHD children, the problem is no less troubling. Dr. Saline writes, “It’s as difficult for you as it is for them.”

What is so frequently forgotten is that, at their core, ADHD children want to be connected and loved by those around them, and they want to be accepted for who they are — especially by their parents.

Yet as countless reminders are forgotten, efforts to help are rebuffed, and antics replace responsibility, parents of ADHD children can also struggle to feel competent.

Dr. Saline suggests parents start with what she calls the Five C’s of ADHD Parenting. Parents must have self-control, they must exhibit compassion, offer collaboration, use consistency, and frequently celebrate what is working well.

“My Five Cs model relies on two things: strength-based thinking and attentive awareness. With strength-based thinking, you focus on your child’s capabilities to help them build competence, self-confidence, and pride… Attentive awareness involves observing, listening to and acknowledging what you child is saying,” writes Dr. Saline.

Facing challenges together is also at the core of finding success for both ADHD children and their parents.

“By including your child in the process of addressing a problem that you have identified either on your own or together, you are demonstrating a basic respect for them — even if they don’t always show this to you,” writes Dr. Saline.

Progress can be characterized by two steps forward and one step back, yet by practicing self-control, parents can learn to respond with compassion and choose forgiveness over anger and blame.

“Even when you are trying to give them helpful reminders or positive feedback, the tone and delivery can make whatever you say feel like criticism,” writes Dr. Saline.

Blame also places power over understanding, finds fault, lowers self-esteem, reduces the ability to take responsibility for actions, and ultimately creates a cycle of fear where children avoid owning their actions.

A better response, Dr. Saline tells us, is for parents to ask themselves what matters most right now.

She writes, “That answer should involve connecting positively with your child and reining in your aggravation. Your solution and plan for dealing with anything will come after this.”

It can also be helpful for parents to reconsider ADHD. Dr. Saline points to the work of Dr. Edward Hallowell, who contends that the typically negative symptoms associated with ADHD have “mirror traits” that represent their positive side — such as distractibility being also described as “turbocharged curiosity.”

“While eliminating negative thinking is unrealistic for anyone, given the high frequency of criticism that kids with ADHD receive, reducing it is critical for fostering self-esteem and resiliency,” write Dr. Saline.

Kids with ADHD can be very hard on themselves and feel intense shame when things don’t go well. Yet when parents join their children in coping with these feelings and finding ways to break down task into manageable pieces, connect with those around them, and accomplish their goals, not only are they more likely to find success, but also a much stronger and more resilient relationship with their child.

Drawing on her extensive clinical experience, Dr. Saline offers parents of ADHD children the clarity, insight, and lessons needed to better understand their children and create the type of relationship that will help them thrive.

What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life
Tarcher Perigree, August 2018
Paperback, 225 pages



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Temps in National Parks Increasing Much Faster Than Rest of U.S.

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A new study looks at the alarming effects of climate change on America's national parks.

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PCBs Are Killing Killer Whales

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A new study paints a grave future for the killer whale, all because of the now-banned chemicals polychlopinated biphenyls — PCBs.

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Researchers Stunned by Gorgeous New Fish Find

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Scientific divers from the California Academy of Sciences discover new species of dazzling, neon-colored fish.

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Deprogramming Codependent Brainwashing

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Codependency is learned. It’s based on false, dysfunctional beliefs we adopt from our parents and environment. The most damaging belief codependents learn is that we’re not worthy of love and respect — that we’re somehow inadequate, inferior, or just not enough. This is internalized shame. Last year, I published a blog, “Codependency is based on Fake Facts,” explaining the effects of this programming, which squelches our true self. Romantic love that’s mutual can for a brief time liberate our natural, true self. We get a glimpse of what it would be like to live unshackled by shame and fear — why love feels so wonderful.

There are countless ways parents communicate shame — often, with just a look or body language. Some of us were shamed with criticism, told we weren’t wanted, or made to feel we were a burden. In other cases, we inferred that belief from neglect, violation of our boundaries, or dismissal of our feelings, wants, and needs. This can happen even when parents say they love us. Being codependent themselves, shame and dysfunctional parenting gets passed down unconsciously. Bad parenting can also be the result of an addiction or mental illness.

Identify Your Beliefs

It’s key to recovery that we separate damaging beliefs from reality and from our truth. Like digging through manure, this is how we uncover the gold — our buried true self that’s longing to be expressed. Most of us find it difficult to identify our core beliefs. To a large extent, they’re unconscious.  In fact, sometimes, we think we believe something, but when our thoughts and actions (including words), prove the opposite. For example, maybe you know someone who claims to be honest, but who misrepresents or lies when necessary. However, we can discover our beliefs from our behavior, our thoughts and feelings. Beliefs generate thoughts, feelings, and actions. (Sometimes feelings come before thoughts.)

Beliefs → Thoughts → Feelings→ Actions

Examining our thoughts and feelings provides clues to underlying beliefs. For example, when you don’t keep your body as clean as you like, are you just uncomfortable, or do you feel ashamed or disgusted. What do you say to yourself? Your thoughts might reveal a belief that it’s shameful and disgusting not to shower daily or that bodily odor or fluids are repulsive. Such beliefs indicate a general distaste and shame about the human body.

When feel we should or shouldn’t do something, it may indicate a belief. “I should shower daily,” is more of a rule or standard than a belief. The underlying belief might be about the virtues of cleanliness or hygienic well-being.

Another way to gain self-awareness is to notice how you judge others. We usually judge other for the same things we would judge ourselves.

Criticism and devaluing statements or gestures directed toward children attack their fragile sense of self and worth. They create insecurity and a belief of unlovability. List parental statements that impacted your self-esteem.  (See Codependency for Dummies.) Examples are:

“You’re too sensitive,”

“You can’t do anything right.”

“I sacrificed for you.”

“You’re good for nothing.”

“Who do you think you are?”

Beliefs also come from experiences with siblings and peers, as well as other authority figures and cultural, societal, and religious influences. In all, our beliefs are a conglomerate of other people’s opinions. Usually, they’re not based on facts, and they may be challenged.

Our over-reactions to people when we’re triggered are perfect opportunities to analyze and challenge the thoughts, feelings, and the beliefs that are being activated. For example, if someone doesn’t return your call, do you feel hurt, guilty, ashamed, or angry? Do you assume they don’t like you, are angry at you, that you did something wrong, or that they’re inconsiderate? What is the story you weave, and what is the underlying belief?

A few of the common beliefs codependents hold are:

  • Other people’s criticisms are true
  • People won’t like me if I make a mistake.
  • Love must be earned.
  • I don’t deserve love and success.
  • My wants and needs should be sacrificed for others.
  • I must be loved and approved of to feel okay.
  • Other people’s opinions carry more weight than mine.
  • I’m only lovable if a partner loves me (or at least needs me.)

Many codependents are perfectionists and hold false, perfectionistic beliefs that who they are and what they do are “imperfect,” making them feel that they’re inferior or a failure. See “I’m Not Perfect, I’m Only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism.)

Challenge Your Beliefs

Once you’ve identified your beliefs, challenge them.

  • Ask yourself what evidence you have to support your beliefs and thoughts?
  • Might you be mistaken or biased?
  • Are you certain your interpretations of events are accurate?
  • Check out your assumptions by asking people questions.
  • Is there any evidence for another point-of-view?
  • Are there instances in your experience or in the experience of others that even occasionally contradict your assumptions? Survey people to find out.
  • Do people disagree with your conclusions? Find out.
  • What would you say to someone else who thought and felt as you did?
  • What would a caring friend say to you?
  • Do you feel pressured to believe as you do? Why?
  • Are you free to change your mind?
  • What are the consequences of remaining rigid in your thinking?
  • What would be the consequences of changing your mind?

Practice Recovery

It’s not enough to read about codependency. Real change requires that you risk behaving differently. (See my Youtube, “Codependency Recovery”) This requires courage and support. Instead of being your codependent self, start “Affirming Your True, Authentic Self.”

Think good thoughts about yourself. Notice and change how you talk to yourself. For example, instead of looking for what is wrong with you, start noticing what you like about yourself. Instead of saying, “I can’t,” say “I won’t,” or “I can.” Follow the steps in 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism and webinar, How to Raise Your Self-Esteem.

Take action to meet your needs. (Discover them in Codependency for Dummies.)

Authenticity is a powerful antidote for shame. Express who you really are. Speak up, being authentic, and share your thoughts and feelings. Set boundaries. (See How to Speak Your Mind: Become Assertive and Set Limits and the webinar, How to Be Assertive)

Take action to do what you really want. Many codependents are sure they’ll fail and are afraid to risk. Try new things, even though you don’t believe you’re good at it! Discover you can learn and improve with practice. This is the master key that unlocks many doors. Then you know you can learn anything. That’s empowerment!

©Darlene Lancer 2018



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About Happy Face

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For Melissa Moore, 1995 was a nightmare. That’s the year the teenager learned her father, Keith Hunter Jesperson, was a serial killer. It’s also the year Melissa Moore’s doubt spiral began: When you look like your father, and you share his intelligence and charisma, how do you know you’re not a psychopath, too? Happy Face is the story of Keith Hunter Jesperson, his brutal crimes, and the cat and mouse game he played with detectives and the media. But it’s also the story of the horrific legacy he gifted his children. Join Melissa Moore as she investigates her father’s crimes, reckons with the past, and wades through her darkest fears as she hunts for a better future.

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Is the Universe Just a Simulation?

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Some scientists say it's possible we're all just part of a computer simulation controlled by a superior set of beings. But how would we know?

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Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Book Review: 8 Steps to High Performance

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Many things in life are guided by trial and error, but this is especially true when we try to improve our performance. We take the best advice we are given, throw out what doesn’t seem to work, and hope for the best.

Yet according to Marc Effron, a top-level consultant on how to build high-performing talent, there is another way.

In his new book, 8 Steps to High Performance: Focus on What You Can Change (Ignore the Rest), Effron lays out the clear, conclusive science that shows how we can improve our performance.

Much of the problem in achieving high performance is that we often focus solely on one strength while ignoring our others.

Effron writes, “As a corporate executive and management consultant, I have seen too many smart people underperform because they didn’t know or believe in the eight steps.”

Success often means that we work in a different way and adapt our style to better fit the changing demands placed on us.

“I’ve seen leaders become high performers,” Effron says, “when they moved from setting fifteen to twenty goals to focusing on the few, most important things they could deliver to their company. Other leaders sought more challenging career experiences and found that the larger, riskier moves accelerated their development.”

Yet improving our performance can seem overwhelming in light of our perceived abilities. What Effron suggests is that we simply choose one step we can take each day.

The first step is that we set big goals. He writes, “Goals have incredible power to focus and motivate us; more focus and motivation positions you for high performance.”

We also need to acknowledge that high performance requires additional time, effort, and willingness to make personal sacrifice. Of course, there are some things we can’t change — Effron calls this the fixed 50 percent – but our ultimate success depends on how hard we work.

“For example, if you’re in a one-hundred-meter race and three other runners start two, five, and ten meters ahead of you, each has a starting advantage. After the starter’s pistol fires, preparation, motivation, and skill decide who moves how far and how fast. If you’ve trained harder, eaten smarter, and understand the mechanics of sprinting better than they do, you can make up for their initial advantage and win the race,” writes Effron.

Because high performance requires that we prioritize our performance over other things in our lives, it can take time from other areas in our lives.

Writes Effron, “You can slice your time pie any way you want, but a larger slice in one area requires a smaller slice somewhere else.”

However, the additional time we pour into our work creates a virtuous cycle where we learn more, become more capable, and receive more opportunities.

Part of the learning process is also that we get out of our own way, avoid ignoring or externalizing our failures, assigning intent to others’ actions, and ignoring information that can help us perform.

“Strangely, our brain works against us because it seeks out information that reinforces our self-image and ignores information that doesn’t. We’re surrounded by information that can help us perform better, but we often miss the opportunity to listen for it and apply it,” writes Effron.

Our behaviors are responsible for 15 to 40 percent of our total performance, Effron tells us, and much of the task of performing at a high level is deciphering which behaviors most influence our success.

Effron writes, “High performers work hard to identify the most productive behaviors, learn new behaviors where needed, and stop showing the less helpful ones.”

Like behavior, high performance requires that we understand which development activities lead to the most robust growth and do as many of them as quickly as we can.

“You need to be very clear about your desired destination on that development journey — an obvious item that’s often missing from a development plan,” writes Effron.

How we connect with those around us also plays a significant role in our success. When we can ingratiate ourselves with others, we have a greater chance of gaining access to what we need from superiors and peers.

Effron writes, “A strong network will bring you the contacts, insights, and resources that will help you be a high performer.”

Knowing what our skills are, how they fit into an organization, and where we can be successful helps us choose environments that fit us and position us for success. Similarly, taking responsibility for our health, exercising regularly, and taking control of how we practice — minimizing distractions and employing a growth mindset — helps us develop the habits that lead to success.

Offering the research, tools, and tough-minded advice that leads to success, 8 Steps to High Performance is a powerful book that will resonate with anyone looking to improve their work performance and take charge of their career.

8 Steps to High Performance: Focus on What You Can Change (Ignore the Rest)
Harvard Business Review Press, August 2018
Hardcover, 240 pages



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Dating Advice We Give to Women We’d Never Give to Men

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Recently I asked friends on Facebook and Twitter for dating advice they’ve heard given to women that likely wouldn’t be given to men. As I read through comments about safety (bring mace, schedule a safety call, send a picture of him and your location to someone you trust), and finding ways you manipulate your date’s image of you (don’t order a burger so he doesn’t think you’re fat, be mysterious, don’t act too smart, laugh at all of his jokes) I’m reminded of why so many women don’t find dating very fun.

I’ve often lamented to girlfriends that it seems like when men are ready for a relationship they just jump into one as if it were an open cab they didn’t even have to hail. But for women, it seems like they are often waiting on the sidewalk trying to flag down a car forever. I began to wonder if at least part of this difference comes in what we say to women about dating versus what we say to men.

Let’s start with safety. This is a real concern, of course, not to be taken lightly, but most of us have internalized much of this already. We know that we should meet new people in public places, that we should get ourselves there, that we should let someone know where we’re going. It’s awfully hard to even think about enjoying meeting someone new when we’re looking into their face trying to discern whether they are a serial killer. What if you relaxed, just for a moment, and reminded yourself that it is statistically unlikely that you will be attacked in a well-lit cafe? It might be easier to figure out if you even like your date, or if you’re having a good time.

All this image stuff? Sure, you want to put your best foot forward, who doesn’t? You’ll probably wear something you like and maybe do something a little special with your hair—but I hate the thought of you sitting there wondering what you should eat because of how it will make you look to your date. Rare are the men who will judge you based on your order, whether salad or burger, and I’m guessing you don’t want anything to do with those guys. Find something on the menu you’d like to eat and order it. I can tell you that’s what your date will be doing.

My heart aches for women who feel that they have to dumb themselves down (because men don’t like smart women) or make themselves appear weak (because men don’t like strong women). Who are these men? I’m sure they exist, of course, stereotypes exist for a reason, but do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t like smart, strong you? Here, there is a counterpoint—many men are told to avoid emotions because it might make them appear weak. While some women might not want their men to be emotional, most of us welcome emotions and sensitivity.

Just take a minute and think back over your life, what dating advice has become part of the tapes playing in your head? Is it time to clean those out, to admit that they don’t serve you? Is it time to forget about some of those well-meaning platitudes? While Cosmo and your aunt, and that person at your office party might disagree, there is no way of being that will attract anyone. Should you meet someone while contorting yourself into being someone else, they’ll eventually notice. It’s hard to stop performing, especially after doing it for so long, but you’ll be giving someone a chance to get to know who you really are sooner. You might not be perfect, but you’re lovely, just the way you are.

Cara Strickland writes about food and drink, mental health, faith and being single from her home in the Pacific Northwest. She enjoys hot tea, good wine, and deep conversations. She will always want to play with your dog. Connect with her on Twitter @anxiouscook.

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Dog Bowls Are Breeding Grounds For Bacteria

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Ceramic and plastic bowls, especially, have been shown to breed E. coli, salmonella and even MRSA.

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Jung’s Dream Theory and Modern Neuroscience: From Fallacies to Facts

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When it comes to the interpretation of dreams, Sigmund Freud is considered to be the unrivaled godfather of the domain. Freud himself once said that “Psychoanalysis is founded on the analysis of dreams…” (Freud, 1912, p. 265). According to Freud, dreams are fundamentally a means for fulfilling the wishes which we are not able to fulfill during our waking lives, and thus are repressed in our animalistic, instinctual and hypersexual unconscious. When we sleep, these repressed desires manifest in our dreams in a somewhat secret language. It is the job of a psychoanalyst to extract the latent content hidden behind this manifest content of the secret dream language.

Carl Jung, however, has a different say on the matter. In fact, his theory of dreams was one of the reasons why he broke up with Freud. According to Jung, dreams are not at all what Freud claims them to be. They do not deceive, lie, distort or disguise. They attempt to lead the individual towards wholeness through what Jung calls a dialogue between ego and the self. Ego is the reflective process encompassing our conscious being, while self is the organismic process encompassing the totality of our physical, biological, psychological, social and cultural being that includes the conscious as well as the unconscious. The self tries to tell ego what it does not know, but it ought to. This dialogue is concerned with recent memories, present difficulties and future solutions.

Jung argued in his Psychological Types (CW6) that most of the people look at the world through one of the eight kinds of attitudes throughout their lives. Consequently, they ignore much of the world that lies out of focus, shadowy and blurry. What dreams accomplish is they make our ego step into this realm of the shadow, extract as much knowledge of our ‘self’ from it as possible, and integrate this knowledge into the ego to achieve individual wholeness or Individuation, as Jung called it. A person who is on the path to individuation will look at life and its problems in a more composed manner. All of these claims of Jung may seem too unscientific at first glance but modern neuroscience states otherwise.

Dr. Allan Hobson, a Harvard Professor and psychiatrist, is probably one of the most respected dream researchers of 20th and 21st century. As a result of decades of his research on the neuropsychology of dreams, he concluded that what Jung proposed about the nature and function of dreams half a century ago profoundly resonates with his own research findings.

“My position echoes with Jung’s notion of dream as transparently meaningful and does away with a distinction between manifest and latent content (J. A. Hobson 1988: 12). I view dreams as privileged communications from one part of myself [call it ‘Self’ if you will] to another [the waking ‘conscious ego’] (Hobson 2005: 83)”.

Hobson reported seven major findings that refute Freud’s theory of dreams and support Jung’s. (Hobson 1988: 220f)

  1. The motivation of dream process is inherent to the brain.
  2. The source of dreams is neural.
  3. The images we see in our dreams prepare us for future. They do not symbolize reversion to the past.
  4. The information processing in dream explains new domains in life. It does not disguise undesirable ideas.
  5. The bizarreness of our dream is not a result of defense mechanisms. It is a primary phenomenon.
  6. The images we see have a clear meaning, with no latent content.
  7. The images we see do represent conflicts sometimes, but they are incidental rather than fundamental.

Point 1 and 2 support Jung’s belief that the organismic self which also encompasses our biology and neurology is the source of our dreams. Point 3 supports Jung’s belief that the dialogic process of self and ego is directed towards present difficulties and future solutions. Similarly, point 4, 5, 6 and 7 support Jung’s critique of Freud’s dream theory.

Research has also indicated that animals fail to remember new day-to-day tasks when deprived of REM sleep (where most of the dreams occur). Thus we can conclude that dreams process new and recent memories, as put forward by Jung, rather than old conflicts (Fox 1989: 179).

Probably, the most attention-grabbing finding of Hobson is that during REM sleep, there is a regular activation of brain circuits that have not been used often in walking life (1988: 291). He argues that this process serves to maintain the brain circuits that are not used too often and are on the risk of being completely abandoned and dying out. Everything starts to make sense when we see this discovery in the light of Jung’s belief that dreams take us into the out of focus, blurry and shadowy world that we do not pay attention to. When we extract unconscious knowledge form our self and incorporate it in out conscious ego, as Jung believed, we are actually fortifying our neural connections that are ignored by our conscious mind in walking life.

Undoubtedly, all of these stunning discoveries have proven that Jung’s theory of dreams is more than just a set of “fallacies from the crown-prince of psychoanalysis who strayed too far into the realm of superstition”. Yet there is still much more to discover.



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About Savor

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Savor digs into how people live and how they eat – and why. Hosts Anney Reese and Lauren Vogelbaum interview the culinary creators and consumers of the world, exploring the science, history, and culture of food and drink, all with a key question in mind: Why do we like what we like, and how can we find more of those things?

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Plain Language Replacing '10-Codes' in Many Police Jurisdictions

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Police and fire departments across the U.S. are eliminating jargon like "10-4" in favor of every-day vernacular. And there's a good reason why.

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Great British Baking Terms: Know Your Scones From Your Biscuits

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American viewers of the hit "The Great British Baking Show" might be confused by the challenge for "Biscuit Week." We break down how the American biscuit is vastly different from the British version.

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5 Ways to Tackle Dating Discouragement

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Most people who are dating feel discouraged at some point in the process. In fact, it’s normal to deal with feelings of discouragement as it takes time to find a compatible partner and dating can certainly be a challenge.

It’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions while dating, but if you notice you are prone to a negative mindset that lingers and makes you feel cynical, it may be time to examine your thought patterns, feelings, and behavior. Feeling discouraged is often tied to negative beliefs about yourself and others that are reinforced in your dating life. For example, believing “I will never find a partner because all the good guys are taken” is likely to create feelings of hopelessness and leave you wondering “why bother?” with dating in the first place. Or buying into statements like “Every time I fall for someone I end up getting hurt” or “Men are not to be trusted” will negatively impact your actions and emotional availability. These types of beliefs will lead you to put up walls, keep potential partners at a distance, and unintentionally sabotage growing relationships.

If you would like to get to the bottom of your discouragement, clear any mental blocks around dating, and feel more confident about your love life, ask yourself the following five questions:

1. What is contributing to feeling discouraged or stuck? What patterns am I aware of?
Along with negative beliefs and flawed thinking processes (aka cognitive distortions), your repeated patterns and current circumstances may lead to dating discouragement and burnout. For example, being ghosted by multiple matches (despite having solid conversations and good dates), repeatedly not getting past a third date, or feeling so anxious you turn down dates, are all potential explanations for feeling discouraged. While you can’t control all of the lows that come with dating, pinpointing patterns will help you take control of your part. Do you need to work on your anxiety? Do you notice that potential matches go MIA because you are too persistent or clingy? Are you leading with cheesy pickup lines and unintentionally turning off your dates? Are you attracted to bad boys who are ultimately unavailable? Commit to working on your role and better understanding the choices you are making and if/how they feed your discouraged view.

2. How do I feel about myself? Do I believe I have something valuable to offer to potential partners?
Low self-worth and feelings of discouragement commonly go hand in hand. It’s nearly impossible to feel hopeful about dating if you feel bad about yourself. Believing you are worthy of love is a necessary component to tolerating the unpleasant aspects of dating and the inevitable moments of rejection. Therefore, it’s important to build confidence and self-acceptance while letting go of perfectionist tendencies and forgiving yourself for past mistakes. When dating gets you down, don’t put your worth in someone else’s hands. Being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or you are inadequate by any means. Find a way to love and appreciate yourself regardless of what’s going on around you. Cultivating a positive self-image and self-love will help fight off discouragement and lead you toward attracting a partner who will treat you well.

3. How do I feel about my past? Am I in a good place to be dating?
Unresolved issues, old emotional baggage, and lingering pain from breakups and previous relationships can contribute to feeling discouraged about your current dating life. Despite really wanting love, you won’t be fully available and open if you are stuck in the past. Consider these past experiences and their impact on your mental health, self-worth, partner selection, and openness. Allow yourself to grieve any relationship losses or divorce(s) and gain closure.

4. How can I think about dating differently? Which beliefs can I examine, change or let go of?
Your beliefs shape your behavior, so a healthy mindset is crucial. Approaching your dating life with a victimized interpretation (for example, “why is this happening to me?” or “nothing ever goes my way”) is bound to increase your level of discouragement. Consider your ingrained beliefs about yourself, relationships, others, and the world and take an honest look at how they influence your actions. For instance, if you believe “men always let me down,” examine the effects this over-generalization has on the way you relate to men and approach dating. Also, understand words like “never” and “always” are very strong and rarely accurate, so look for cracks in this logic by reminding yourself of exceptions. While you may not be in a relationship currently, jogging your memory of happy or pleasant memories with men will help you reality-check flawed beliefs that make men the enemy, for example. Thinking in absolute terms is especially dangerous, so find ways to let go of these types of beliefs and create a healthy mindset for love and dating.

5. What could I do differently when it comes to better handling the ups and downs of dating? Can I make any changes to my dating approach?
Feeling discouraged is often a sign it’s time to shake things up and make changes. For example, if you notice a pattern of attracting partners who play games, ensure you are not attracting people because you approach dating like a game. Or if you are unlikely to give someone a second chance if you are not blown away on a first date, it may be time to practice being more open-minded and saying yes to a second date. By recognizing these sorts of tendencies and patterns in yourself, you can commit to making necessary changes. Maybe it’s time to weed out potential partners exhibiting red flags sooner if you tend to give too many chances and overstay. Or if you tend to do the opposite and cut things off prematurely, remind yourself that building a connection takes time. Find new ways to bring positive energy into your dating life to ease feelings of discouragement and keep hope alive. Also, if you are feeling really stuck, take a breather if necessary and regroup after gaining a fresh perspective.

Dating will naturally leave you feeling discouraged at times. Sometimes you can do everything right, but things still don’t work out. When this happens, validate that you gave it your best shot and keep moving forward. If you notice patterns that are causing you to feel chronically discouraged, don’t simply blame the rest of the world for what’s going wrong. Instead find the source of your discouragement and take action to feel better. You can make improvements to any problem areas and unhealthy patterns and clear mental blocks so you are more present and mindful of your actions. You will feel more empowered by learning and growing through dating experiences. In turn, you will be better able to date from an encouraged, hopeful, and grounded place.

About the Author:

Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor and relationship coach, specializing in psychotherapy for individuals and couples via her private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include relationships, self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Rachel is a co-author to Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life, an International Bestseller, written to support single women in decreasing frustration about single-hood, leaving the past behind, cultivating self-love and forming and maintaining loving relationships. Rachel also serves as a Relationship Expert for http://www.datingadvice.com/ and other dating and relationship advice websites. Follow her on Twitter for more daily wisdom!

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Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Book Review: Ethics Challenges in Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology

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I used to work at a community mental health center. A client could be there totally on his or her own (which was the exception) or could have been referred by any of the following, and sometimes by more than one: state probation and parole (which sometimes included out-of-state referrals), community corrections local probation, federal probation and parole, DUI and drug possession probation, child protective services, adult protective services, juvenile probation, direct referral from various court systems, special justice ordered outpatient care in lieu of inpatient hospitalization, etc.

The referral could include an evaluation order or an order for care that might include urine drug screens, alcohol breathalyzers, and attendance at 12-step meetings (despite court rulings finding that unconstitutional). We did work in the jail, and at one point, there was disagreement on who owned the records and who should have access. We also did pre-admission screenings for involuntary hospitalizations, and for a long time you were expected to screen your own clients, which included requesting emergency custody orders and detention orders that resulted in handcuffs and shackles for clients as part of law enforcement transport protocol.

If the person had medical issues, outside medical staff would be involved in care. Children, parents, or whoever had custody would be involved, and often the relationship between parents could be contentious. The norm was there were a lot of stakeholders with a lot of expectations for desired outcomes that could be at odds with each other. There was always the question of how voluntary informed consent was when the other option was incarceration. Clinicians were in the middle as the case manager, therapist, and designated responsible person for care. You were also the advocate, but in a hierarchy, those with power determine the direction of advocacy.

How I wish this book had been around then.

Author Ezra E. H. Griffith is a professor emeritus of psychiatry and of African-American studies at Yale. He has brought together 31 psychiatrists, psychologists, and professors with expertise and a wealth of experience in a variety of ethical situations clinicians face in forensic cases. The authors look at 20 different problem areas ranging from role conflicts (care versus forensic evaluation), to corrections, work with minors, sex offenders, mandated video recording of forensic evaluations, involuntary outpatient commitment, issues with neuroscience, feminist ethics, violence risk assessment, asylum seekers, testing, the Internet and media appearances, boundaries, collaboration and more.

Griffith has done an excellent editing job in that all the chapters follow a consistent format making for a consistent experience throughout the book. There is background on the issue addressed in the chapter, often with vignettes, discussion of the cases, and conclusions to help bring each together. Some are academic in examining ethical decision-making models, and most have scenarios clinicians will empathize with immediately. You get lessons in the relevant history of issues, as well as research tied to the issue.

You may have noticed that in court cases, the mental health experts often line up with whichever side is paying them. There are some “hired guns” out there with agendas, but at times, even when the evaluator has no conscious agenda, adversarial allegiance may come into play. That seems to me to be an almost inevitable function of our adversarial system in which the object is not to find the truth, but to win. Attorneys may even withhold information from evaluators in the process.

The story of James Grigson came up in the chapter on objectivity and boundaries of competence. I first came across Grigson back in 1991, in a book called “Travels With Dr. Death,” by Ron Rosenbaum. Grigson earned the nickname “Dr. Death” by testifying in over 160 death penalty trials in Texas from the 1970s into the 1990s. His expert opinion in over 100 cases was that the defendant “would pose a continuing threat to society if not given a sentence of death.” He was expelled by the American Psychiatric Association in 1995 but continued doing competency evaluations for prosecutors for another eight years. The chapter provides guidance on how to mitigate adversarial allegiance.

I found all of the chapters fascinating and enlightening in their own right. I also thought about the evolution of ethics in mental health overall and in forensic work in particular. When I read about the issues with mandatory video recording of forensic evaluations, the issues raised are certainly valid, but I also thought of Carrie Buck in the Buck v. Bell case in Virginia. This case, decided by the US Supreme Court, made mandatory sterilizations fully legal in America. The evaluation of Buck was terrible in many ways, and when her attorney rested his case, he told the prosecutor that the case should go the state’s way. We have come a long way from the days of strict patriarchy to more feminist principles of justice, but we have a way to go.

The role of psychology in developing “enhanced interrogations” at Guantanamo is examined, as well as dilemmas in evaluating Guantanamo detainees. Mefloquine was given to all detainees as a malaria prevention protocol even though it was not given to Haitians quartered there years before. The issue is that there are newer drugs with less side effects.

Mefloquine can cause anxiety, confusion and hallucinations, and the effects continue after use ends. And that is on top of the effects of enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding. There is already ample evidence that torture does not get good intelligence. Add drug induced psychological problems into the mix and that degrades the outcome even further. The military also gave the drug to soldiers serving in Afghanistan. One contributor points out, “U. S. military authors have subsequently concluded that the lasting psychiatric effects of the drug, even at the lower doses used to prevent malaria, can confound the diagnosis of PTSD among U. S. military personnel.”

Throughout the book, the authors examine responsibilities and research, including ecological validity (whether findings based on someone’s behavior and brain scan activity applies to real world situations), problems with opposing cultural beliefs in the research on the effectiveness of involuntary outpatient commitment, and much more. Issues about roles and how to deal with being pushed into more than one role, and conflicting roles and the difference between forensic and clinical ethics are discussed. Again, and again the authors return to the process in ethical decision making including guidance from professional organizations.

I highly recommend this book for any one working with forensic cases. I also highly recommend it for clinicians in general for the probability is that at some point you will be drawn into a case involving the court system. This book will help guide you, make you think, and even change your own behavior.

Ethics Challenges in Forensic Psychiatry and Psychology
Columbia University Press, March 2018
Hardcover, 364 pages



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Oh, Birds! Please Don't Fly Into Our Windows

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Why do birds do that? A global citizen science project wants you to help them find out.

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Why Can We Hear Others' Footsteps, But Not Our Own?

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The noises that others make — be it walking, chewing or breathing heavily — are very noticeable to us. Yet we seldom hear it in ourselves. Why is that?

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The Myth of Closure: Why Experts Say It Doesn't Exist

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Losing a loved one through death or a breakup is always painful. But is seeking 'closure' the healthy way to move on?

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Can You Really Sweat Out a Hangover?

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Some people think taking a run after a night of drinking will help them to sweat out a hangover. But is this true?

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Episode 23: Erik Prince: The Rich Kid Who Bought An Army Footnotes

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Monday, September 24, 2018

Book Review: Sleep Sense: Improve Your Sleep, Improve Your Health

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While sleep is a natural and necessary function and the cornerstone of good health, whether we get enough sleep, or the right kind of sleep, is another issue altogether.

In her new book, Sleep Sense: Improve Your Sleep, Improve Your Health, Katharina Lederle, Ph.D., answers all of our questions about why we don’t get enough sleep, what can interrupt our sleep, and how to improve our sleep.

“Many of us see sleep and falling asleep like flipping a light switch: if I do this and don’t do that, I’ll sleep. But it’s not that straightforward. The cycle of being asleep and being awake is complex and involves several brain areas and signaling systems,” writes Lederle.

Sleep is actually regulating by two somewhat competing drives: one to fall asleep and one that regulates the timing of sleep, much like an internal body clock.

Similarly, sleep can be divided into two separate states. Rapid eye movement (REM) is characterized by fast, wake-like waves, while non-REM sleep is characterized by longer, deeper waves.

The healthy sleeper, Lederle tells us, enters sleep through the non-REM stage, has four to six sleep cycles, has more non-REM sleep in the first third of the night, has more REM sleep in the last third of the night, spends about 75 percent of sleep time in non-REM sleep, and spends about 25 percent of total sleep time in REM sleep.

However, sleep is not as predictable as we might imagine. Lederle writes, “What’s important to realize is that there is no one bedtime that’s best for all of us.”

One way to find out what our individual sleep timing is, says Lederle, is to take a five-day holiday and allow ourselves to sleep and wake as our body tells us to.

She writes, “It’s likely that your body will use the first three to four days to recover from any sleep debt you have accrued in the past. After the fourth or fifth night, you’ll know when you sleep best.”

Age, genes, and sleep chronotype all play a role in determining just how much sleep we need, which is not always eight hours.

“Your sleep behavior changes as you go through life. Neither the amount of sleep needed and the different sleep stages, nor the timing of your sleep stays the same,” writes Lederle.

Sleep transitions — from sleeping to waking — can also have individual differences as some people will be more prone to grogginess in the morning, also known as sleep inertia, than others.

One way we can help our internal clock in the morning (and also combat jet lag) is to expose ourselves to light.

Lederle writes, “Light exerts its effect on sleep and wakefulness in two ways: by synchronizing your internal clock with the day and by promoting alertness.”

Yet if we find ourselves in chronic sleep debt, our health and well-being can be adversely affected.

Lederle points to the connection between weight gain and sleep deprivation. She writes, “Several research groups have set out investigate what happens to leptin and ghrelin when people are kept awake for longer periods or the entire night. While the exact findings are mixed, one main hypothesis is that when you stay up late at night, levels of ghrelin and leptin get out of balance. If this is true, then the altered relationship is likely to stimulate your appetite, so you become hungry and eat more during the night.”

The reward we derive from food — our hedonic drive in action — is also greater when we are sleep deprived, meaning that the perceived value of the foods we consume is greater.

“It’s because the brain believes we’re in a survival-critical situation. Why else would we be awake and depleting our energy levels?” writes Lederle.

Cortisol levels are also elevated when we are sleep deprived, which can cause a pseudo-diabetic state when insulin levels are artificially high due to lack of sleep.

Lederle points to a recent study that found that sleeping five hours a night for five days reduced insulin sensitivity, and while three nights of nine hours’ sleep restored some insulin sensitivity, insulin was still not at normal levels.

Lack of sleep or poor quality sleep also affects our cognition, memory, immune response, and emotional functioning, and we are often poor judges of our own sleep needs. Lederle suggests creating a sleep environment that is cool, dark, and quiet. However, quality sleep also depends on what we do during the day.

Regular wake times, early exposure to sunlight, exercise, healthy nutrition, and giving ourselves permission to feel tired, to relax, recover, and regenerate are all ways we can improve our sleep — and maybe even recover some lost sleep.

Drawing on her extensive background as a human sleep and fatigue specialist, Lederele takes us through the science of good sleep, why sleep is so important, and how to get more of it.

Sleep Sense: Improve Your Sleep, Improve Your Health
Exisle Publishing, June 2018
Paperback, 232 pages



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Mini-Review: Mandy (2018)

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Robert Lamb discusses the 2018 film "Mandy," directed by Panos Cosmatos and starring Nicholas Cage, Andrea Riseborough and Linus Roache.

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SpaceX Books Its First Private Passenger to the Moon

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A Japanese billionaire art collector is the lucky ticket holder and he plans to invite a few artists to tag along — for free.

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Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But It May Help You Earn It

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“Money can’t buy happiness, but it will certainly get you a better class of memories.” – Ronald Reagan

I recall the words to the Beetles’ song from a few years back,  “Can’t buy me love…”. The most important part (for me) of this song came a few lines later: “I don’t care too much for money, cause money can’t buy me love.” For many people, love means happiness. Being in love fosters strong emotions, including a powerful feeling of happiness that’s so intense, it almost takes your breath away. Yet, while money can’t buy happiness, in the strict sense of the word, having money to spend may help you earn happiness.

Confused? Here’s why I think so, backed up by some convincing research I’ve found on the subjects of happiness and money.

How to Experience Longer-Lasting Happiness from Purchases

In an interesting study, researchers from the University of Minnesota and Texas A&M University looked at whether how people frame their goals for an experience has any bearing on the long-term happiness they expect to glean from the experience. Note that this also applies to material purchases, such as a car, and experiential ones, such as a vacation. What’s surprising is that those who had specific goals for the experience – ones that were concrete and easy to measure – and those  who had more general goals tended to report the same levels of happiness at the time of the initial purchase. However, those with broader goals experienced more happiness over time.

The researchers concluded that having broader goals for happiness can result in a longer-lasting emotional imprint.

My experience: I’ve bought and leased many vehicles over the past few decades, and I can’t say that any of them really brought me lasting happiness. Perhaps it was because they were purchased for a specific and time-limited goal, one that would only last 2-3 years. I will say, however, that one car I’ve owned the longest (since 2008) still makes me happy. For one thing, it remains in almost showroom-new condition. For another, it’s been paid off for years.

The best purchase that brought long-lasting happiness was a family vacation to Kauai several years ago. After enthusiastic planning the vacation, we rented a house and a car, and most of our children traveled to the island to visit with us during the Christmas-New Year’s holidays. It was expensive, yet worth every cent. We not only had a wonderful time while there, we did many things we’d never do – like snorkeling, climbing a remote jungle path, staying out all day on a charter that stopped at a deserted spot for a cookout lunch – we also wound up with cherished memories we talk about today.

How “Pro-Social” Spending Also Boosts Happiness

Another recent study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies looked at the concept of spending money on other people and how that experience affected their levels of happiness.

An earlier study published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology suggested several ways people can get more happiness from spending their money, arguing that most people probably aren’t spending it right. Included among their suggestions were these two sage recommendations: to “use the money to benefit others rather than themselves” and  “pay close attention to the happiness of others.”

Other research published in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization found in one study that the emotional benefits of prosocial spending were “unleashed” when givers are aware of their positive impact. In a second study, they found that participants recalling that when they spent money on others and it had a positive impact were happiest.  

My experience: Looking back at some of the purchases I’ve made when the intent was to bring happiness to others, I’d have to say that the times when the recipient had no idea such a gift was forthcoming and expressed delight upon receiving it were the best. One that comes to mind was when we had to go out of town and there was a leak in our irrigation. Our neighbor called us and the water department and supervised while the leak was inspected, and water turned off at the house. She kept us informed the entire time and went out of her way to help us out. We sent her a gift basket that she raved about for weeks afterward, telling her friends and relatives about it as well as thanking us profusely, saying we really didn’t need to do that. The gift was sincerely meant as a thank-you, and I was very happy that it brought her joy.

You Don’t Have to Go Overboard With Generosity to be Happy

Neuroeconomists from the University of Zurich found that promising to be generous and being even a little bit generous both enhanced happiness afterward. In other words, the amount of their generosity was not the key, but the fact that they wanted to be generous. Study participants who were generous only for their own self-interests, however, were not as happy afterward.

What’s interesting to note is that the researchers studied three areas of the brain to gauge activity level: the temporoparietal junction (which is where generosity and pro-social behavior get processed), the ventral striatum (associated with the emotion of happiness), and the orbitofrontal cortex (the part of the brain weighing pros and cons during decision making). The brain areas reacted differently depending on the participants’ commitment to generosity or selfishness. Just promising to be generous activated the areas associated with altruism and happiness. Intent alone was enough to generate a neural change, long before any action was taken.

My experience: As a child, our family had what I would characterize as modest means. We always had food on the table and I don’t recall being deprived, although I wore darned socks and hand-me-down clothes and made toys out of sticks and stones and whatever natural materials I could find. I do recall being envious of some of the grade school kids who lived in houses and had large yards, lots of store-bought toys and fancy new clothes (and the girls wore something different to school every day). If I got a dime, I saved it in a piggy bank. I was conscious that money was something to hold onto, not spend on candy.

When I grew up and had children of my own, we fared a little better – always food on the table, and I made sure the kids had nice clothes to wear (not the most expensive, but never hand-me-downs). I still saved, yet I wasn’t afraid to spend a little money on something to make the kids smile – a movie, a trip to the zoo, going out for ice cream cones on a hot summer day. I was happy doing so. Funny, my kids don’t remember wanting for anything and said they were happy. Intent did increase my happiness.

To me, what matters most is that you can earn happiness by giving of yourself, with money and/or time. I think of this as adding little gold stars to my soul, yet others can regard it anyway they like. The fact is, as proven by science, money can lead to earned happiness.



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Hispanic or Latino? It’s Complicated

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Although many people use the two terms interchangeably, they don't mean the same thing.

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Sunday, September 23, 2018

Book Review: Understanding Antidepressants

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One in five Americans will have a major depressive episode in their lives and many will seek help from a mental health provider, which may include treatment with medication. As with all medication, there is no one-size-fits-all treatment plan when it comes to antidepressants. The terminology alone is confusing. There are SSRIs, tricyclics, and other drugs that have off-label uses.

For those who take antidepressants, it is a challenge to find the right one. Some work better than others for individuals, and family members may not understand why it is difficult to find something that “works.” In Understanding Antidepressants, Wallace B. Mendelson, MD, uses a format understandable to the lay reader to provide a basic overview of the currently available antidepressants.

He starts with an overview of how these medications work before discussing the different classes of antidepressants. Some of this first chapter on how drugs work may go over the heads of some readers who do not have a knack for science. Mendelson identifies the different receptors in our brains and explains how they respond to the chemicals that are in antidepressants. He also includes some history of the different classes of antidepressants for readers who want to dig a little deeper.

Throughout the book, he primarily mentions the generic names for medications, which may be difficult for the lay reader to follow. For example, most people are probably not familiar with fluoxetine, but everyone has heard of Prozac. Although there is a helpful table later in the book that lists the generic name next to the brand name, it would have been useful in the very beginning as a reference for the generic names.

Mendelson provides definitions to better explain how the medications work. For example, the concept of half-life is important for patients to know so they understand why they may still have effects from a medicine they stopped taking days ago. Equally valuable is information on the potential side effects for each class of antidepressant.

The book could have benefited from extra charts like the one listing the chemical name and brand name. Although the book in general is geared toward the lay reader, the description of chemicals in medications and how our brains respond is a complex topic. Tables or charts would help convey that information in conjunction with the text.

Although Understanding Antidepressants is about the medication options, I would have liked to see the section about alternate treatments expanded a bit more. For instance, Mendelson does suggest psychotherapy as an alternative to pharmaceutical treatment. As a licensed therapist, I would argue that psychotherapy works best when it is used with medicine, rather than as an alternative. I hope patients reading the book do not see the solution as either medication or psychotherapy. Both are valuable and both are often necessary.

The end of the book would benefit from an additional resource section. He does briefly mention a selected bibliography, and a condensed guide cannot delve too deep into the complexity of depression and its treatment. References for patients to find more information, such as a credentialed psychiatrist or counselor, would be a nice addition along with reading suggestions to learn more about depression.

Even with these criticisms, the book does meet the original goal of helping people to understand antidepressants. It is a short guide with large print intended for people to get an overview. It is not a resource I would recommend for those studying to become a mental health practitioner, whether a counselor or physician. It is intended for the everyday reader who wants a quick overview and background information on antidepressants and how they work. And the disclaimer at the beginning is important. It is absolutely not a substitute for medical advice from a licensed provider.

Understanding Antidepressants
Self-published, March 2018
Paperback, 123 pages



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