5 Women Open Up About What It’s Like to Unexpectedly Lose Your Husband

Their heart-wrenching stories shed light on how it feels when you can't say goodbye. This weekend, the tragic news about Sheryl Sandberg's husband Dave Goldberg passing away at the age of 47 made many of us wonder how something like this could happen—and how it's possible to get past such heartache. Sadly, women becoming widows at a young age happens more often than you'd think. To get a grasp on what it's like to go through that kind of tragedy, we spoke with five strong people who’ve been there. Here, their stories of losing their life partner and how they started to recover. "One day while I was at work, I got a call from my husband's mom that I needed to come to her house, but she wouldn't tell me why. I figured something was wrong, and when I got there, they told me that my husband had died in a motorcycle accident. He was only 37. I collapsed on the ground and started screaming his name. I grabbed the first photo I saw of him and held onto it for weeks. Though I was coherent, I couldn't think about anything but him. I was in a daze for probably six months. When the only person that you've lived with is taken away, it feels like your whole life has been snatched from you. I actually had to have my sister and brother-in-law move in with me because it was too hard to be home alone without him. I started reading tons of books about grief and went to counseling and support groups. Eventually, I learned that I just have to live with this. It's been almost eight years, and there are still days when it's horrible. But if people just meet me, they wouldn't know what I went through. There's no good way for someone to die. The end result is the same: You have to go through the grieving process." —Wendi H.RELATED: What It's Like When Your First Relationship Becomes Your Only Relationship"I met my husband in college, and we got married five years later. He was a very outgoing person and extremely fit. When we were in school, he was on the ski team and started training for marathons after graduating. While we were watching the Academy Awards in bed, he fell asleep. All of a sudden, he started making these loud snoring noises. But instead of sounding like a snore-in and a snore-out noise, it was just a loud snore-in sound. I started hitting him to wake him up, but his eyes were open, and he wouldn’t respond. I called 911, but I had a feeling that he was gone. I just started sobbing because I was so scared. At the hospital, the doctors told me that they couldn't revive him. As it turns out, he'd had an undiagnosed heart condition He was 38. It didn't feel real. The first three to six months after he died, I had panic attacks and got sick a lot. Luckily, I had family and friends who could take care of my kids and me—I could barely make a decision on what to eat each day. I also felt tremendous guilt because there were so many things I didn't get a chance to say to him before he died. Eventually, I realized that I can still say those things, and he’ll hear me. Over time, things got better, and I learned how to readjust. I became the major decision maker, which was really hard, but I learned to do it." —Dora B."My husband was just awesome; he had a smile that was contagious. Everyone who met him loved him. He had been in the military and suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder because of his deployment and because he experienced another traumatic situation at home. A few months before he was set to deploy again, he shot himself. When I found him, I was in shock. It felt like my whole world just shut down. For the first couple of days, I felt totally numb. There were so many people in and out of my house, and I was in business mode trying to make funeral arrangements. It didn't even register with me that he was actually gone until his funeral. It felt like my whole life just disappeared in one day. We had been together from the time I was 17 until I was 27. He was my entire adult life. I had to learn how to make a new life right away, even though I didn't want to do anything at first. After a year and a half, I started going to therapy and meeting with other women though the American Widow Project. Meeting them really helped me recover. I eventually channeled my pain into going back to school to be a grief counselor so I could help other people. I still have days where I get angry or sad, but I've realized that I can make it through." —Maria D.RELATED: What Going to Couple’s Therapy Is Really Like"Joe was a tall Italian guy, born and bred in Chicago. He was always the life of the party. He made friends very easily and always looked for ways to help other people. When he passed away on Thanksgiving from a blood clot, he was 43. The week before, he'd had outpatient surgery and was supposed to take it easy, but he insisted on cooking dinner for 18 people on Thanksgiving day. When I found out he was gone, I was mostly numb and in shock. I didn't cry for a while because it was too hard to process and understand. My immediate coping mechanism was to start making a list of who to call and what to do next. I planned the wake and the service, but now it seems like a blur. For the first year after he died, I felt robotic. I just went through the motions and tried to figure out what my new life would be like. I don't think I will ever fully recover, but I have become a much different, stronger person as a result. I've realized that I relied heavily on my husband for things like calling a repairman or negotiating, and I had to learn how to do those things myself. And while the day-to-day responsibilities of life are easy to get through, it's tough dealing with milestones that we can't celebrate together. The truth is: This really sucks, but I've found ways to cope." —Susan D.RELATED: 4 Guys Share the Mushy Stuff They Would Write in Love Letters to Their Ladies "My husband and I had been married for five years. He was a paratrooper in the military and was killed while on a mission. People have this idea that when your husband is going to war, you're signing up for the possibility that he might die, but you never expect it. So when the military came to my door, I went into shock and tried to convince myself that he was just injured. It was so surreal to hear, 'The secretary of state regrets to inform you...' At that moment, I just started saying, 'Oh my god,' over and over again. I don't think I even cried. That was just how my body reacted. My immediate response was to just start cleaning my house—I didn't know what else to do. After the funeral and everything was done, I was left with a life that I didn't even recognize. I felt so empty without him that I didn't want to live anymore. So I went to counseling and started to rebuild my life. I've learned that 'til death do us part' isn't really true. Even though my husband is dead, I still talk to him and continue to live like he's here by my side, doing the things he would want me to do." —Danielle S.

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