How to Have a Threesome—From Start to Finish

A user's manual for tri virgins For many of us, threesomes are the kind of sexploits that only happen in the movies. But they don’t have to be permanently relegated to the realm of fantasy. With a little forethought and planning, you can make a three-way tryst a very sexy reality. Here's how.If you're part of a couple, you should choose your third partner wisely . Sex and relationship expert Emily Morse recommends finding a single person in your larger friend group who you're not too close with but who would be open to a threesome. With a stranger, there's no long-term attachment, but you do run a bigger risk of not being attracted to the person, and there are the obvious potential safety hazards, like STDs.If you're a single woman, Morse suggests dating sites, like Plenty of Fish, where couples may be looking for a third. The same goes for CraigsList—although she warns that you might find lots of weirdos, so you'll want to FaceTime or, better yet, meet them in a public place in person first. Other sites like FetLife and 3nder are also worth checking out. Another option is to go to your local sex toy store and talk to someone there, says Morse. You can ask the owners or clerks about what goes on in the community and probably find some fliers for parties or clubs.Keep in mind that whether it's two women and a man or two men and a woman is entirely up to you as an individual or as a couple, although female-female-male is more common because guys tend to be less open-minded about including another man. That being said, a woman should never cave in just because her partner is pushing his preference. "It should never be a quid pro quo," says Morse. "You should want to do it."RELATED: Should You Have a Threesome? 4 Things You Need to ConsiderYou'll probably want to test the waters first by referencing a threesome scene from a movie or bringing up a celebrity couple who's public with their bisexuality or open relationship status. Then, you can casually ask the person if they've ever had a threesome or would ever want to participate.If that goes well, then you can think about making a more direct ask. "Keep it light, and keep it fun," says Morse. A simple, "Hey, my partner and I think you're fun and you're cool. We want to have a threesome, and we think you'd be a good time. Is that something you'd be open to?" should do the trick. If you know the person, make it clear that you don't want the friendship to change. If it's a stranger or someone you connected with online, take some time to get to know each other first. Hang out to see if you're attracted to the person and could trust them.But don't worry too much about making the big ask. The person on the receiving end will be flattered, no matter what.Couples should start talking about rules of engagement far in advance. You may want to take penetration, oral sex, kissing, or sleepovers off the table, for instance.If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner may also want to designate a safe word or phrase you can use in case things veer off course. "I need to get some water" or "I'm thirsty" are both good options. You should also tell the third person to speak up if he or she is ever uncomfortable.RELATED: What It's Like to Go to a Sex PartyYou should plan to have more condoms on-hand than usual. "If the guy is penetrating both women, he's going to have to take the condom off each time he goes back and forth between each partner," says Morse, otherwise he's exposing the women to each other's body fluids which could contain bacteria, infections, and viruses. Lube, sex toys, and toy cleansing wipes should also be on the nightstand for added sensation and wetness. And toys should be wiped down in between partners to keep from spreading germs.While it’s easier said than done, Morse encourages trying not to over-think things. Start out with a glass of wine and some hors d'oeuvres, and just start by chatting, which will probably lead to flirting. Before you know it, someone will make a move.Massage is also a great gateway to intimacy. Emily & Tony massage candles turn into a luxurious oil when blown out. You can use them to give a relaxing body rub that will seamlessly set the mood.The three-way itself should be fairly organic. Move, touch, and maneuver however you like. Take the lead or allow yourself to be led—whatever feels natural.As for good positions to try, Morse suggests the guy lie on his back and enjoy oral sex from one woman while the other woman straddles his face so he can perform oral on her. Or have one woman lie on her back as the other woman lies on top of her. Then, the guy can enter the woman on top doggy style while the women touch one another. Another option: Arrange yourselves in a circle, and go down on each other."There are so many places to put our hands, our genitals, our mouths,” says Morse. “If you have a free hand or tongue, just get in there.”RELATED: 9 Things Sex Experts Really Want You to KnowThreesomes tend to last longer than traditional two-way nookie, so you may change things up quite a bit. Take the lead with your hands, guiding your partners into positions you want to try. Or pay attention to any subtle changes in your partners' body language, breathing patterns, and sexual cues. Then, use motions to guide them however you like, not words.If it ever seems like one party is left out, reach over and start playing with that person. This will help them get back in on the action.Decide what you want to do after the threesome well ahead of time and let the other two or the third person know. You may want to say your goodbyes immediately, hang out for a bit, or cuddle under the covers together. Just be sure to communicate whether or not a sleepover is in the cards so no one ends up surprised.

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