Shelved among a number of other books on relationships, I found Mindful Relationships: Creating Genuine Connection With Ourselves and Others, by Dr. Richard Chambers and Margie Ulbrick. The authors write using a straightforward, technical tone fitting of their combined backgrounds in clinical psychology, mindfulness-based therapies, physiotherapy and family law.
Mindful Relationships tackles relationship dynamics: with oneself, within a couple, within a family, and in the workplace. Each of these segments is framed using an understanding of the value of mindfulness and meditation. With a healthy balance of neurology, psychology, and the classic message of self-love and self-compassion, the book makes a clear case for how mindfulness and relationships begin with self-love. The universal use of “we” throughout the book draws the reader in to what the authors are experiencing, establishing a collective consciousness that is both comforting and disarming.
The informative, case-study enriched approach appeals to the academic in me, but loses me as a potential “client” of the practice. While the authors’ arguments are technically supported, I found the book to be lacking anything profound about either mindfulness or relationships, much less combined; it struck me more as a repackaging of well-known concepts into a different product that functions as well as the original.
Because of my vocation, I spend the bulk of my time working on and developing relationships while identifying the need for and applying the tenets of self-care and compassion. As a result, I read a large number of self-help, self-care, and relationship-building material, all of which take on another variation of the same theme: be aware, be mindful, be intentional. Due to the increase in popularity of mindfulness through meditation, this book fits into that slot on my bookshelf, and as such, is measured against works of similar caliber and content. On that shelf, it would not be something I would re-read, but something I would share with someone who was new to the concept or struggling specifically with being real and open with themselves.
As mentioned, the authors introduce the concept of mindfulness through meditation for the benefit of the self first and then for the benefit of others. They emphasize that meditation simply enhances the benefits that come from being mindful, and that mindfulness is “tuning in, not tuning out.” Once the practice is established, the authors move onto how to apply mindfulness in everyday life, starting with self-compassion. While this is a valuable concept in every way, I struggled with the overly self-focused nature of the book. I was grateful to move on to the section on how to apply mindfulness in relationships and in the workplace.
In what I considered to be the core part of the text, the authors next showed how a mindful approach can transform your relationships by increasing intimacy with self and others and by developing clear expectations and an empathetic heart. These are standard assertions and are beneficial to a reader new to the concept of mindfulness, but do not add to the fundamental understanding of relationship building. The same tenets are then applied to the family unit, and the authors stress the importance of passing on the mindfulness lifestyle to children in order to create a society that is, as a whole, more mindful. One particularly valuable addition to note was the emphasis made by the authors on technology and the importance of limiting TV and internet time. I found that bit of information to be useful due in large part to the suggestions made and exercises recommended to increase your children’s ability to be present without stimulation.
Perhaps the most valuable application of mindfulness, in my opinion, was in the area of work and leadership. Mindfulness plays a key role in defining expectations in the workplace, being sensitive to the needs of your clients, customers and employees, and in helping to shape an organizational vision. The authors’ emphasis on being an emotionally intelligent leader really resonated with me and I was immediately engaged with the material at a deeper level.
While Mindful Relationships would not make it to the top of my list for the topic, the content was fundamental, sound, and clearly written, so I presume it would appeal to a wide and diverse audience. Perhaps the most engaging material was found in the exercises scattered throughout the text, which prompt readers to put mindfulness practice into action, for instance, savoring memories made with your family instead of rushing on to the next thing. As a reader, the exercises gave the concepts a practical context.
For a foundational understanding of how mindfulness works in relationships – with yourself and with others around you, Dr. Chambers and Ms. Ulbrick achieved a solid, case-study enriched primer that is accessible to a wide audience. The notations on mindfulness in the workplace are stellar and user-friendly, and would stand on their own as a follow-up work. Lastly, the exercises provide a tangible means to grow to a new level of connectedness with oneself, spouse or partner, family and work environment.
Mindful Relationships: Creating Genuine Connection with Ourselves and Others
Exisle Publishing, March 2016
Paperback, 263 pages
$18.95
from Psych Central http://ift.tt/29SeCz6
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