Lisa Find Love

The Mann Act was passed in 1910 and even though it's been used legitimately, it's also been abused to nab men of color like Jack Johnson and Chuck Berry.

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Like many single men and women, the narcissist looks for someone who completes them. Opposites attract. And those qualities and traits you’ve worked so hard to cultivate — being strong, independent, financially secure, professionally successful, and fit — often draw a bad person to a good one.

This doesn’t mean you should stop being a catch. It just means you need to arm yourself with the knowledge of warning signs so you know who to avoid and who to attract.

People are drawn to others out of needs and desires they seek to fulfill in their life, such as a desire to experience greater connection, security, love, support, and comfort. On the other hand, some unfulfilled longings are associated with polar opposite characteristics like adventure, freedom, risk, challenge, and intensity, which the narcissist embodies. When your emotional needs and more passion come together with your partner, you feel more alive and complete.

Here are 4 reasons why those who show narcissistic relationship patterns are drawn to people with positive qualities:

1. You have a high capacity to love.

People who possess antisocial disorders (psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists) lack empathy. They do not care about anyone but themselves. Without empathy or concern for others, love cannot exist. You are a target because you truly care and hurt when others are in trouble or in pain. You tend to be a person who has high levels of trust, compassion, tolerance, and attachment or loyalty within your relationships. You are a positive person who sees the best in others. Your goodness not only makes you highly desirable, but these traits also help you excel in helping industries such as nursing, psychology, education and human resources.

There is nothing wrong with how you love. The narcissist exploited your strengths and goodness. Because of this violation, your traumatized brain wants to disown your ability to be vulnerable again. But by shutting down your vulnerability to others, you shut down your capacity to love — which is part of who you are and of what makes you happy. Love only exists to the degree we stay open and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The abuse must be confronted and grieved. Your heart will renew and return to health.

2. You are reliable and responsible.

You were targeted because you are reliable, emotionally mature, and able to take charge. You may have grown up taking care of siblings or supporting a sick parent and you may bear the majority of the responsibility of raising your kids.

Instead of taking on more responsibilities, you may desperately need adventure and fun. Having a balanced life is important to your wellness. Give yourself permission to be a free spirit and childlike at times. This freedom will help you seek out a more whole, balanced partner.

3. You are a powerful person.

A person who is ambitious and has an influential job is attractive to a narcissist. Example: A powerful women often intimidate a normal man, but a narcissist is not afraid of someone like that. He seizes the opportunity of having a strong woman by his side. An extroverted woman may feel like she’s met her match — a man powerful enough to stand up to and love all of her.

As an influential person, you may believe you need to have every situation under control. Recognize that you, too, are human, and no matter how smart or together you are, you need a relationship that invites you to surrender and be vulnerable without being taken advantage of, a relationship in which you can be built up and supported.

4. You have a good relationship with your father.

Having a healthy and loving relationship with your father can leave you vulnerable because you haven’t experienced, and simply don’t believe, the sad truth that bad people exist who wouldn’t be labeled as hardened criminals. If you grew up with a father who was always there for you, you may have a hard time accepting the idea that a man would target you specifically for your capacity to love.

The tension of opposites produces genuine passion that will sustain, deepen, and enliven relationships as long as each partner is respected, seen, and cared for. These differences encourage us to move out of our comfort zone and embrace our growth zone, allowing us to evolve into a more whole and complete person.

You are worthy of a person who values your heart, your mind, and your body as their own. It’s my goal to empower and educate so you have the tools needed to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love as well as to support your healing journey when love and the loveless collide.

You’re wired to love and be loved fearlessly!

 

More at YourTango:

 8 Signs You’re In Love With A Narcissist Who Specializes In Deep Emotional Abuse

How A Narcissist Thinks (Warning: It’s Pretty Messed Up)

 

Article originally posted at YourTango

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Watch the sunrise above clouds

Reaching 10,000 feet into the stratosphere, the dormant Haleakala Volcano is the center of the national park that bears its name and is the ultimate place to watch the sun rise up through a halo of clouds (Haleakala means “House of the Sun” in Hawaiian). Pack a jacket—it’s cold up here! Here are the 11 things you need to know before booking a Hawaiian vacation.

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John de Graaf, David Wann, and Thomas H. Naylor call it affluenza. Greg Easterbrook calls it the progress paradox. And Kristin Lee calls it social indoctrination.

What I am referring to is the promise life makes that when we make more money we will be happy, that when we have more we will feel better about ourselves, and that when we live a life that society defines as successful, we will feel fulfilled.

The problem is, as many researchers know, these promises aren’t true. Money, fame, the perfect body, the coveted position, academic success, or athletic prowess doesn’t guarantee happiness. Instead, even when we achieve these things we may still find ourselves is stuck, lost, and unhappy.

One of the best things we can do is rethink and unlearn our thoughts and the behaviors that follow them. In her new book, Mentalligence: A New Psychology of Thinking, Kristin Lee – who is the lead faculty for Behavioral Science at Northeastern University – offers the science, practical advice, and step by step methods to help readers stop sleepwalking through life. She provides insight that can help turn fake thinking into agile thinking, selfish actions into inclusive ones, hiding behaviors into healing behaviors, and false truths into those that bring genuine happiness and fulfillment.

According to Lee, indoctrination “is the process of teaching someone to fully accept the ideas opinions, and beliefs of a particular group and not consider those of other persuasions.”

The result is what she calls Asinine Societal Self-Imposed Expectations (ASSIE).

“ASSIE’s metastasize into an airbrushed you, and although kinda cute, the real you is waaay better,” writes Lee.

Mental intelligence, on the other hand, begins with trading the polished for the naked, the poised for the exposed, and the fake for the real. It draws upon agility, adaptability,  the desire to always continue learning, beliefs and feelings based on reciprocity, collective efficacy, and impact-driven living.

The process also seeks not to find conclusions, but rather to ask the right questions that guide greater consciousness, awareness, clarity, and resilience. It is also not neat.

“Check your pretenses. ‘Control’ and ‘neat’ are illusions. None of us can hold it together every second. We are always spiraling up and down. Chaos and homeostasis are always at odds,” writes Lee.

The conflict is wearing one wardrobe while feeling like wearing a different one. While the first helps us fit in with others, it doesn’t help us fit in with ourselves. Even worse, it holds us hostage.

One of the places this happens rather frequently is in our educational institutions.

“Unfortunately, this type of conscious citizenry gets drowned out in the face of school climates that push for individual and institutional advancements. That we overemphasize personal success, rather than working for the greater good, may be one of the saddest realities of modern-day society,” writes Lee.

The good life doesn’t follow a pattern, isn’t a fixed state, and doesn’t avoid disruption. Instead, disruptions become moments of questioning, reflection, and the beginning of a whole new path, complete with new challenges, new learning, and greater growth.

By finding our signature brand, we can also bring impact to those around us in ways that connect our legacy to those around us in an upward spiral, which might otherwise be called karma.

“Society teaches us to focus on personal success, sometimes to the point where we overlook opportunities for social impact. We are often taught to worry more about looking good than doing good,” writes Lee. Not only does this keep the good life out of reach, it subverts a fundamental component of human life – reciprocity.

And in the age of anxiety, it is easy to fall into the role of over-functioning, over-performing, and being overly dependent on the accolades.

Lee asks: Do you want to be shiny – or do you want to be free? How we answer that question will often determine whether we wake up and stay “woke,” or remain asleep at the wheel of life.

With our eyes open, we often see the many falsehoods propagated throughout our lives, like one Lee calls WEIRD, or Western-Educated Industrialized Rich Democratic.

Yet we can question these falsehoods, move from deficit thinking to strength thinking, employ critical thinking, and trade quick concrete answers for the more valid ambiguity and uncertainty that better define life.

“Our old methods of excavating for problems leaves us with more problems. Everything rides on changing the positions we hold, the questions we ask, and the answers we’re willing to accept. When we only mine for weakness, that’s exactly what we’ll find,” writes Lee.

We don’t have to accept the script that life hands us because we all have our own script, already prepared inside ourselves. We simply have to be willing to explore and exchange the boxed in, depleted versions of life for those that bring us true happiness, connection, and our own definitions of success.

Insightful, timely, and poignant, Mentalligence is a book that has far-reaching and eminently useful impacts for anyone looking to liver a better life.

Mentalligence: A New Psychology of Thinking
Kristin Lee EdD, LICSW
Health Communications Inc.
February 2018
Softcover, 273 Pages

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I wasn’t sure what to expect from Amy Schumer’s new movie ‘I Feel Pretty’. After all, the premise seemed to suggest that women without an ideal body (so, all of us) might need a head injury to appreciate how fabulous we truly are.

But, on the other hand, who hasn’t struggled with wanting to change parts of themselves? Especially when it comes to dating, I’ve often wondered if there wasn’t something wrong with me, or if I wouldn’t be more attractive to people I wanted to date if I just had long black curly hair.

Armed with mixed feelings, I went to the theater. Here’s the thing: I think this movie is a lot more universal than it appears on the surface. Maybe you’re not obsessed with being “undeniably pretty” like Renee, Amy’s character. But unless you’re extremely well-adjusted, I’m guessing that you’re not always completely confident. You might believe in your head that you are funny, lovely, uniquely wonderful just as you are, but it might be hard to translate into your heart, or your actions.

Renee’s head injury turns off her internal critic. Suddenly, she believes she is beautiful, and that changes everything for her. She’s felt stuck in her life: her job isn’t what she wants, she’s tired of being single (who can relate?), and she’s generally unhappy with herself (although she does have some great friends). Once she believes that she lives up to her own standards, she begins to move through her life with purpose. She isn’t worried that people aren’t paying attention when she speaks, she’s not worried about rejection. She lives believing that she is already worthy.

Remember, nothing else about Renee has changed, she just believes it has. With this ammunition, she begins to transform her career, she asks out the cute guy at the dry cleaner, she orders drinks at the bar expecting quick service. Now, instead of leaving herself out of the running for what she wants, she goes after it, and people respond.

As I’ve thought about it since, I couldn’t stop thinking about a quote from Brené Brown’s newest book, Braving the Wilderness: “Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. … The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.”

What is the difference between people who experience love and belonging? Brené has said. They believe they are worthy of it. That’s it.

Of course, it’s easier said than done to start believing in your own worthiness. There are lots of messages constantly telling us we aren’t good enough (and a lot of those come from inside us). So maybe it’s time for you and I to practice? Start taking a break from the burden of comparison, of not feeling good enough, smart enough, thin enough, or just enough. Set it down for an hour, or two.

The truth is, Brené is right: no one belongs here more than you. I hope you and I don’t need a head injury to start to believe that, and once we believe it, to live like we believe it. How would our lives change? What would you do if you weren’t so worried that you were an imposter at life?

Something I’ve noticed, talking with many people, is that most of us are a little worried that we don’t belong. Renee notices that, too. Even the people she greatly respects are often on shaky ground. Those “undeniably pretty” girls worry about their thighs, their relationships, their desirability, too. They also wonder if they get to have the things they want in life.

Let’s choose to believe together. Let this infuse the way you go to yoga, and to that restaurant you like. Let it change the way you are with your friends and family. Let it affect the way you look at dating. Let it even change the way you call customer service. Let it follow you into your dreams: NO ONE belongs here more than you.

Cara Strickland writes about food and drink, mental health, faith and being single from her home in the Pacific Northwest. She enjoys hot tea, good wine, and deep conversations. She will always want to play with your dog. Connect with her on Twitter @anxiouscook.

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Footnotes for episode 137 of The Daily Zeitgeist which aired on 4.30.18.

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Coffee Cake Muffins

As a registered dietitian nutritionist, people often ask what I eat for breakfast. My answer: I like to make a big batch of these muffins early in the week so I have grab-and-go options ready for busy mornings! These muffins are made with Greek yogurt and eggs for plenty of filling protein, and they provide a burst of energy via instant coffee. I pair a muffin with fruit, such as raspberries or clementines, and 6 ounces of low-fat Greek yogurt or cottage cheese for additional protein. Not a fan of coffee? Give my matcha muffins a nibble!

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Swap pasta for zucchini noodles

It’s time to break out that spiralizer that’s been collecting dust in your cabinet. “With the change in season, zucchinis are about to be abundant in gardens, farmers markets, and grocery stores,” says Jennifer Kanikula, RD. “Not only are they cheap, they’re extremely healthy and when eaten in place of pasta, add a plethora of nutrition benefits to your meal. Zucchini is very low in calories and high in nutrients and antioxidants, whereas refined grains (white pasta) are low in nutrients, high in carbohydrates, sugar, and subsequently, high in calories.” If weight loss is a goal, check out these 13 weight-loss foods to lose weight fast.

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Heart disease in all its forms continues to be the top killer of Americans. Following a heart-healthy diet like this one and getting plenty of exercise can help, but health experts continue to search for even more effective treatment—and they may have found one: A new study suggests that an antioxidant can breathe new life into old and stiff arteries.

In the small study—published in the journal Hypertension—researchers from the University of Colorado Boulder gave ten volunteers between the ages of 60 and 79 a daily supplement called MitoQ (it’s a refined version of the natural antioxidant coenzyme Q10); another ten got a placebo. After six weeks, the researchers analyzed the health and size of participants’ arteries, then switched the supplement group to the placebo while the others began taking MitoQ.

At the conclusion of their testing, researchers noted when volunteers got the supplement, their arteries regained flexibility. Essentially, MitoQ seemed to reverse artery aging by as much as 15 to 20 years. The study’s lead author, post-doctoral student Matthew Rossman said in a press release that “An improvement of that magnitude, if sustained, is associated with about a 13 percent reduction in heart disease.” (These are the 5 types of heart disease and their warning signs.)

According to Rossman’s co-author Doug Seals, PhD, the study “breathes new life into the discredited theory that supplementing the diet with antioxidants can improve health.” He went on to note that “it suggests that targeting… mitochondria may be a better way to reduce oxidative stress and improve cardiovascular health with aging.”

Both Rossman and Dr. Seals plan to conduct additional follow-up studies to confirm their findings. Dr. Seals noted that physical activity and proper eating habits continue to be the best ways of avoiding heart disease. “At the public health level, not enough people are willing to do that,” he said. “We’re looking for complementary, evidence-based options to prevent age-related changes that drive disease. These supplements may be among them.”

Find out about the 8 sneaky heart attack symptoms you might be ignoring.

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Increased energy and vitality

One of the most notable vitamin B12 benefits is a boost in energy. So if you’re feeling sluggish and you’re not sure why, a lack of vitamin B12 (cobalamin) may be to blame. This water-soluble vitamin aids in red blood cell formation, which prevents against a type of anemia that can often make people feel weak and tired, explains Joy Bauer, MS, RDN, the host of NBC’s new show Health + Happiness, the nutrition expert for NBC’s TODAY show and author of From Junk Food to Joy Food. Get your mojo back by asking your doctor to check your B12 levels. If they are on the low side, it’s time to up your intake, she says. “Vitamin B12 is found naturally in a wide variety of animal foods like fish, meat, poultry, eggs, milk, and other dairy products, plus fortified foods like breakfast cereals, nutritional yeast, and some plant-based milk (like almond milk and soy milk).”

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What is the Whole30 diet?

The Whole30 was created by two sports nutritionists, who published the first edition of their best-selling book Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom in 2009. The point of the challenge is to eliminate the most inflammatory foods from your diet for a full 30 days and see how your body feels. At the top of the list of Whole30 rules: No alcohol, added or artificial sweeteners, dairy, grains of any kind, soy, legumes, food additives, or processed junk food for 30 days.

The plan’s claim—for which most nutritionists say there is little scientific evidence—is that a diet heavy on these foods contributes to out-of-whack hormones and harmful inflammation that impact general health as well as blood sugar, cravings, and body weight.

Converts say the diet helped them sleep better, get rid of cravings, heal myriad gut-health problems, control autoimmune flares, and ultimately to make beneficial long-term changes.

You can learn more about the Whole30 plan here.

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Imitation

A food that simulates another food but isn’t made of the same stuff is an imitation, right? Not quite. It should be labeled imitation only if it has a lower amount of protein or some other essential nutrient than the food it’s copying. Here are some nutrition claims on your food labels you should pay attention to—and others it’s safe to ignore.

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Many of us admittedly keep our televisions on when we leave the house — for our dogs. But does Fido really watch the TV?

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I tan and never burn—why should I worry?

“A big skin cancer myth is that people who tan effortlessly without burning will not get skin cancer. That is absolutely false. We see cancer in patients of all skin types. Already having a dark tan, or dark skin that doesn’t appear to burn, is not enough to protect you,” says Monica L. Halem, MD, founder and medical director for the New York Dermatologic Surgery Cosmetic Laser Center. Tanning may look healthy, but it is always an indication of skin damage. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), tanning is the skin’s response to injury. Skin cells signal that they have become damaged by producing melanin (additional skin pigment). So the next time you decide to go for that gorgeous goddess look, consider a faux-glow instead.

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It’s nearly impossible to walk past an Auntie Anne’s and not be drawn in by the mouthwatering aroma of freshly baked soft pretzels. This delish company started as a farmers market shop in a Pennsylvania’s Amish country. (And we know the Amish have the best baking secrets!) Read on for the snack-sized facts behind Auntie Anne’s success.

1. They can twist pretzels really fast.

The fastest recorded time for twisting the perfect pretzel is 3.5 seconds. We’re impressed! How quickly can you twist a pretzel using this easy at-home recipe?

2. The pretzels are always made fresh.

You’ll never find pre-made pretzels at an Auntie Anne’s. Each location receives shipments of the signature flour mixture, which is put in a mixer along with water and yeast. Pretzels are baked, brushed with real butter, salted and served hot, fresh and ready to eat.

A glass of old-fashioned lemonade pairs perfectly with the salty goodness of the pretzel. If your mouth is watering, don’t miss these lemonade recipes.

3. They have limited edition flavors.

As much as we enjoy classics like Pepperoni, Cinnamon Sugar and Jalapeño, we’re always keeping an eye out for limited edition flavors making appearances throughout the year. Some of our past favorites include Sriracha, Pumpkin Spice Pretzel Nuggets, and Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Pretzel Nuggets. (To turn up the heat, use these recipes to spice up your other favorite foods.)

4. You can get a free pretzel on your birthday (and National Pretzel Day!).

Did someone say free? Auntie Anne’s celebrates National Pretzel Day with free pretzels for their customers. Claim your complimentary pretzel by signing up for the Pretzel Perks mobile app. Perks members also earn points toward free pretzels and other Auntie Anne’s items throughout the year, enjoy a free pretzel on their birthday and receive other special offers. Sweet!

5. Auntie Anne is a real person.

“Auntie” Anne Beiler grew up in an Amish-Mennonite family in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. She had no business background and no more than an 8th-grade education when she started the company. The real Auntie Anne credits the company’s purpose, great product, and good people for their remarkable success. (Read up on these 33 things your fast food worker isn’t telling you.)

6. The company celebrated its 30th anniversary in March 2018.

Anne and her husband, Jonas, bought a stand in a local farmers market in 1988 where they sold snacks like pizza, pretzels, and lemonade. In the beginning, Anne wasn’t a fan of the pretzels and told Jonas that she only wanted to sell pizza and ice cream. (Who knew?!) He changed her mind after he created a new pretzel mix, resulting in the soft and doughy treats we know and love today.

7. They’ve baked a lot of pretzels.

Auntie Anne’s has served more than 2.4 billion pretzels over the past 30 years. That’s enough pretzels to circle the Earth 65 times!

8. Pretzels are available nearly everywhere you go.

There are more than 1,700 locations in 48 states and more than 25 countries. In addition to malls, there are locations at airports, college campuses, military bases and even food trucks.

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9. Other countries have unique pretzel combinations.

Auntie Anne’s stores around the world bake out-of-the-box flavors like the Holy Cheese Pretzel in Thailand, Cream Cheese Stix in Korea and the Crème Brulee Pretzel Wreath in Japan. Until U.S. stores offer these options, you can make your own crème brulee at home.

10. Auntie Anne’s gives back.

When Anne Beiler started her pretzel stand she said, “Caring for other people is the purpose of Auntie Anne’s.” Giving back to local communities continues to be important for the company, which has raised more than $3.6 million for Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation to help find a cure for childhood cancer.

The company is also committed to fighting hunger and reducing food waste by donating surplus pretzel products through hunger-relief organizations. Since 2010, they have donated more than 11.4 million pretzel products.

11. You can smell like an Auntie Anne’s pretzel…?

We knew it was too good to be true when we heard the famous scent of freshly baked pretzels was bottled for a line of essential oils: Auntie Anne’s “House of A” Heavenly Scent Essential Pretzel Oils. Too bad it was an April Fool’s Day prank. It sounds like a good idea to us! Next, read about the craziest things drive-through workers have seen on the job.

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Don’t be fooled by supermarket brand names

Avoid names like Butcher’s Brand, Rancher’s Reserve, and Blue Ribbon. The label to look for is USDA quality grade. Prime is the best (and most expensive), followed by choice, select, then standard. Watch out for these other 50 supermarket tricks you still fall for.

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Tap into the brain’s fantastic plastic power

There are lots of tricks that may help healthy habits stick, but the brain has to undergo physical change for this to really take place. “The brain’s unbelievably subtle and sophisticated ability to change physical shape when exposed to new environments, activities, thoughts, and emotions is what underlies its capacity to create and sustain new habits,” explains Delia McCabe, MA, PhD, the Queensland, Australia-based author of Feed Your Brain: 7 Steps to a Lighter, Brighter You. This phenomenon is known as “neuroplasticity,” and it’s being studied as a way to stave off lasting brain damage after stroke and to help reverse some symptoms of autism. You may be doing some of the work already if you practice these 8 healthy habits that keep your brain sharp.

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Rome

It’s easy to see, err taste, why Rome landed at the top of the list. The deliciousness never seems to end. Indulge in wood-fired pizza, al dente pasta, and out-of-this-world gelato. Don’t leave without trying house-made spaghetti alla carbonara or cacio e pepe at a local trattoria. Wash it down with a glass or two of vino. In between meals, do some sightseeing. The Eternal City is an embarrassment of riches when it comes to iconic cultural attractions. These secret enchantments also deserve a spot on your Rome itinerary.

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In canned goods and plastics, watch for: Bisphenol-A (BPA)

Sometimes called an endocrine disruptor because it interferes with the function of healthy hormones, BPA can mimic the effects of estrogen, increasing your risk of prostate and breast cancer and obesity. It may set the stage for heart disease too. One study linked high blood levels of BPA with an increased risk of dangerous types of plaque that are likely to rupture and cause sudden and often fatal heart attacks. When researchers from a number of different institutions looked at the levels of BPA in the urine of nearly 1,600 Brits and followed their health outcomes for 10 years, they found that people who developed heart disease were more likely to have elevated levels of BPA in their urine.

Solution: Buy canned food and water bottles marked BPA-free. Don’t touch sales receipts printed on thermal paper.

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Anti-aging scientist Aubrey de Grey, who does math problems for relaxation, just made major progress on the daunting Hadwiger-Nelson problem.

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Ethnically Ambiguous footnotes for episode 40: We Are The Bomb.

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Getting suckered into buy-one-get-one (BOGO) deals

BOGO, when it’s genuine, is hard to resist. but even then, whether it’s BOGO free or BOGO half price, you have to stop and ask yourself, Would I really have bought this much of this item at this price anyway? If you’re shopping for jam and see BOGO free on jam, that’s probably a great time to stock up. But if you’re looking for a new pair of sneakers and see BOGO half off, stop and think. You went out looking to spend $60 on sneakers. Now you’re spending about $100 after taxes. Did you even want two pairs? Will you wear them both? Do you even like the second pair? Put down the pricy shoes and try these creative ways to save money you never thought of.

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Kiss

Burning calories is not usually our main motivation for kissing someone, but it’s good to know that locking lips has benefits we don’t expect. Kissing can burn two to six calories a minute. Do it for an hour and you can burn up to 60 extra calories. Muah! Just don’t fall for these myths that could ruin your metabolism.

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A Journey of Unknowns

Over 35 million children ages 5-18 take part in youth sports. Some children play because it gives them an opportunity to try something they enjoy. While others participate so they can be with friends.

Some children have to poke and prod their parents to play a sport; while others are registered by their parents then later told about it on the car ride to their first practice. No matter how they are signed up or the motivating factors to participate, when children play a sport, their parents take on their own set of obligations. Some parents are well aware of the responsibilities, but others are surprised to learn what is expected of them.

Just as athletes are expected to give time to participate in an activity, the parents have to be willing to commit themselves in many different ways. It may involve driving to and from practices or games. It may be assisting the coach, baking the highly sought after post-game treats, or organizing a team photo. But from the outset, many parents don’t realize how much time it takes for their child to participate in these activities.

Often, sports are viewed as a benefit for the parents. While their child is at practice or games the parent has a newfound freedom to complete personal or family tasks. But what parents learn quickly is that sports programs require them to spend more time with their kids than they did before. The time spent traveling to and from games and practices is consuming; not too mention the time attending games, matches, or meets. When it all adds up, there is a stark realization that the commitment to youth sports has become much more than what was expected.

Get Ready to Start Early

Kids are starting earlier and earlier. Sixty-seven percent of boys and 47 percent of girls are already on teams by age 6. You read that right! Essentially, if your young family isn’t on a team by kindergarten, their peers likely will be. Studies also show that children are extremely impressionable at this age. This is a golden opportunity to participate with your children at this young age, set a good example, and have some fun.

Your Child is Making a Commitment, and You Should Too

The commitment to youth sports will likely require the parents and other family members to make sacrifices. From leaving work early to catch a late afternoon game or abolishing Taco Tuesday family dinner nights to get to an evening practice, you and your family will have to make sacrifices.

When children invest in something, the parent often becomes part of it as well. This commitment is what helps your child succeed. Having constant support and engagement in their early years of sports provides encouragement and confidence to persevere later in life. For young athletes, one of the most important impressions made is how their parents spend their time in support of their interests. Rushing to a game or volunteering to operate the scoreboard takes effort, but it is worth it. These small acts create a lasting impression that communicates your support to children, not only in sports but in life.

Part of Your Commitment Should Be the Fun Factor

Sports and kids are often a great combination. It’s a great physical release. It teaches teamwork. It teaches overcoming adversity. It teaches how to lose. It teaches how to win. The list goes on and on. Kids should be jumping into sports and staying long-term, right?

Actually, that is wrong. Kids are quitting because they don’t have fun. Statistics from ESPN show that the biggest reason kids quit sports is because they are not having fun (36 percent girls, 39 percent boys).

Part of your commitment as a parent should be to ensure the child has fun. Parents can be really creative in this part of involvement too. This can be the extra ice-cream after a playoff win, playdates with teammates away from sports, listening to fun music and singing to and from the game or the sticky goo of cotton candy between games at a tournament.

Commit to Engage in Youth Sports. Don’t Commit to Live Vicariously in Them.

So far, we have learned that this could be an unknown for you. Your child likely can start early, which isn’t a bad thing. Your child is making a commitment, and you should too. But your commitment should make sports fun for your child. This next commitment tip is very crucial. Pay attention.

Do not live vicariously through your children in their sports. Kids enjoy sports more without pressure. Thirty-seven percent wish no parents would watch them play, according to USA Today. The big reason for that is that parents often project so much pressure on their kids to perform. Your child has enough pressures as it is and they almost always want to please their parents. But when parents start to yell at referees or coaches, or show major disappointment in a simple error, or worse of all — scream at their kids from the sidelines, it has a deadening effect.

How do you ensure that you are not doing this? The answer is shockingly simple. Share. Share their experiences with them. Sharing their experiences places the focus on them. The emphasis is on what the experience means to your children, the emotions they are feeling, the lessons they learn, and the benefits they gain from their sport. Share the joys that they have. Share the mishaps, blunders, and have empathy for them if they screw up. Be there for them, and share in their emotions. Sharing in this manner also removes the sideline parent from the dangerous “Quasi-coach” role. Remember, it’s all about them.

Benefits of Participation

Sports offer children and adolescents many opportunities for growth and development. It is an opportunity to develop skills, experience teamwork, set goals, and learn self-discipline. Laying the foundation to help them throughout life and thrive in their future workplace. Everything a child faces in sports, from victories and achievements to fatigue and injuries, relates to something they will face in the future. Experiencing adversity and learning how to handle it is difficult to teach, but sports are an incubator for this lesson.

So when your child is signed up for a sport, know full well of the commitment involved not only for them but for you. The commitment itself may be the most important concept to come out of participating. Commitments in youth sports affect many people in different ways, but, when broken, the kids are affected the most.

Sports provide a great opportunity for the child and a great opportunity for the parents. Do your part, make sacrifices, and take advantage of the opportunity to interact with them in ways that will enrich the parent-child relationship. Because when both parent and child are committed, sports is a great tool to teach your child about life.

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The world's largest cockroach farm turns out 6 billion bugs a year.

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Ethnically Ambiguous footnotes for episode 40: We Are The Bomb.

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Cairn Terrier vs. Norwich Terrier

Can you tell these two little dogs apart? See if you can spot the animals camouflaged in these photos.

The post Can You Tell the Difference Between These Nearly Identical Dog Breeds? appeared first on Reader's Digest.

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A full moon may have caused the fatal iceberg to cross paths with the ship

Scientists recently arrived at a new theory that the full moon months before could be to blame for the collision, which killed about 1,500 people.

Quoting astronomer Donald Olson of Texas State University-San Marcos, National Geographic’s Richard A. Lovett wrote, “That full moon, on January 4, 1912, may have created unusually strong tides that sent a flotilla of icebergs southward—just in time for Titanic‘s maiden voyage.”

This wasn’t a normal full moon, though: “It was the closest lunar approach, in fact, since A.D. 796, and Earth won’t see its like again until 2257,” wrote Lovett. Here are some more spooky facts you never knew about the moon.

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Who is this?

This actress, famous for her perfect track record at the Academy Awards, competed at the Junior Olympics as a swimmer.

The post Shh! These 10 Famous People Have Little-Known Secret Talents appeared first on Reader's Digest.

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What really happened when the late Senator Ted Kennedy's car plunged off a bridge in 1969 killing Mary Jo Kopechne?

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Egg and veggie muffins

Melissa Hartwig is co-founder and CEO of Whole30.com and a leading voice in the Whole30 movement. Though Hartwig suggests Whole30 followers avoid snacking or grazing as a general rule, she recognizes that long work days or erratic schedules may leave people in the lurch.”Having Whole30 snacks prepared and ready to go is a smart move,” she says. “To discern between hunger and a craving, I’ll ask myself, ‘Am I hungry enough to eat eggs?’ If the answer is no, it’s probably just a craving,” Hartwig says. “If it’s a yes, single-serve veggie frittata baked in muffin tins are a portable mini-meal that taste just as good cold or hot.”

Is Whole30 for you? Here are 14 pros and cons of the Whole30 diet you should know before you start.

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We get it—there’s nothing as satisfying as looking out at a freshly mowed lawn on a summer’s day. Mowing your lawn means keeping those weeds and wildflowers tame around your landscape, which probably seems like a problem that needs to be dealt with frequently. However, you may want to consider letting those wildflowers and weeds grow just a bit for the bees.

Yes, bees. By mowing your lawn every week you are leaving no life for bees to feed on. Now maybe this doesn’t seem like a huge problem, because who would want bees on their lawn? They are even more annoying than those weeds and wildflowers, so mowing your lawn consistently seems like the ultimate solution. However, if you keep a garden (or care about the growth of vegetables and fruit), you need to feed the bees.

Bees are natural pollinators, which help the growth of your plants. By having plants to feed on, they can cross-pollinate and help to naturally fertilize your plants. This is especially crucial for the growth of vegetables and fruit. According to an article published by the National Resources Defense Council (NRDC) in March of 2011, cross-pollination helps at least 30 percent of the world’s crops to grow, and 90 percent of wild plants. Without bees, these plants wouldn’t thrive or could even die off completely. Here are 13 more things your landscaper won’t tell you.

In 2007, beekeepers were seeing cases of colony collapse disorder (CCD) where honeybees were leaving their colonies for good. Typically worker bees don’t leave their colonies unless a queen leaves the hive and brings along bees with her. The fact that bees are leaving can happen for numerous reasons, but not having enough food or water is certainly one of them.

Now maybe you hate bees and don’t really care about them thriving at all, but if you care about your garden, you would consider cutting that lawn at least every other week so the bees have something to feed on (and use to pollinate your precious plants).

Just make sure to pick up the dog poop before mowing your lawn, because it can be a serious threat to the health of your yard. Don’t miss these other little mistakes that make your yard look messy.

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Assess yourself

The number one rule of dieting: No one size fits all. “I tell people to stay in their own lane. We’re trying to compare ourselves to others, but when you find out what works for you, you cruise along,” says Susan Albers, PhD, author of 50 More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food. Don’t automatically assume that what worked for your sister, coworker, or friend is going to work for you. Go for the plan that meshes best with your personality, likes and dislikes, and lifestyle. That’s just one of the 15 worst weight-loss tips that docs wish you would stop following. See if you recognize yourself in one of these common dieting personality types:

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Pandas grow from tiny to massive in a few short years

Pink, blind, and hairless, panda infants weigh just three to five ounces and have been compared in size to a stick of butter. But within a year, pandas tip the scales at around 100 pounds; fully mature pandas can be up to six feet long and reach 350 pounds.

The post 13 Facts About Pandas That Will Make You Love Them Even More appeared first on Reader's Digest.

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Footnotes for episode 136 of The Daily Zeitgeist which aired on 4.27.18.

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The VW I.D. Buzz is a far cry from its predecessor. And that's totally fine by us.

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The dangers of misdiagnosing

A sick pet can be a scary thing. Many times, when our beloved furbabies start acting abnormally or displaying unusual symptoms, our first instinct is to run to the internet and ask Dr. Google, which usually goes one of two ways. Commonly, the most innocuous symptoms lead to an errant diagnosis of something terrifying, like brain cancer. Or a serious problem can be misdiagnosed as something benign. Treatment then is more intense and more costly than if the owner had brought the pet to the animal hospital in the first place.

According to Heather Dean, DVM, a small-animal veterinarian practicing in Georgia, it’s not just misdiagnoses that are a problem, it’s treatments as well. “Owners will also turn to the internet for advice on treating conditions or preventing disease at home, says Dean. “For example, the dose of ivermectin in commercial heartworm preventatives has been proven safe in all breeds of dogs, but “a little bit” of ivermectin-containing horse dewormer can be life-threatening, especially in sensitive breeds.”

If your pet is showing any unusual symptoms at all, and you are concerned he may be sick, call your vet. Here are just a few of the most commonly misdiagnosed diseases. and don’t miss the silent signs your seemingly healthy dog is actually sick.

The post You’ve Been Misdiagnosing Your Pet The Whole Time, Vets Say appeared first on Reader's Digest.

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The dirtier your hair is, the faster it will grow

Some people assume that dirty hair grows faster—less washing and styling means fewer chances for breakage, right? But don’t go skipping showers in hopes of longer hair just yet; this is a silly myth that will only give you greasy locks and an unpleasant odor. According to Brenton Kane Diallo, celebrity hairstylist for clients like Gigi Hadid and Megan Fox, “Hair is at its healthiest and strongest when its clean and conditioned. Not washing your scalp clogs your follicles, which can stop its growth.” Try this Japanese beauty trick to make your hair grow faster.

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Prince Albert Edward and Princess Alexandra

Way back in 1863, this was one of the first royal weddings ever to be photographed. Queen Victoria’s eldest son, Albert Edward the Prince of Wales, married Princess Alexandra of Denmark on March 10. The wedding took place at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor. At the time, Queen Victoria was mourning her husband, Prince Albert, who had passed away in 1861. She wore black to the ceremony and stood above the proceedings on a balcony rather than taking part in the procession. Prince Albert Edward would become King Edward VII in 1901. Here, his wife Princess Alexandra poses in her beautiful English silk gown. Speaking of royal wedding dresses, learn about Kate Middleton’s little-known second wedding dress.

The post The 18 Most Iconic Royal Wedding Photos Throughout History appeared first on Reader's Digest.

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Know what a good deal looks like

Before you set off to find the best airfare possible, it’s important to understand what that fare looks like. For example, if the average peak-season rate is $350, you’re unlikely to find anything below $300. Fortunately, there’s a simple way to find this information: “When to fly and buy” reports from hopper.com will tell you what price is a good deal for any given route. And Google Flights’ “tracked prices” feature will email you when the price of a selected itinerary has gone up or down. Also, read up on these 11 secrets travel booking companies don’t want you to know.

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My, what thin walls you have!

A Canadian woman dialed 911 after hearing yelling and shouting coming from her neighbor’s apartment. When cops arrived, they pounded on the door until the occupant finally opened up. That’s when they discovered that the man was in no danger. He’d just been having a rough time on the toilet. Source: web.orange.co.uk

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Don’t get too excited about so-called ‘organic’ cleaning

“The cleaning industry has a habit of stretching the ‘green thing,’ and the tags ‘Environmentally Friendly’ and ‘Organic,’ so you have to watch for that,” says Steve Boorstein, a former dry cleaner who dispenses clothing care advice on his website, clothingdoctor.com and in a new DVD, Clothing Care: The Clothing Doctor’s Secrets to Taking Control. Among the most common PERC replacements is the petroleum-based solvent, DF-2000, made by ExxonMobil. Because it’s hydrocarbon-based, to a chemist—and almost no one else—it’s considered an “organic” compound. The EPA cites risk of neurological damage and skin and eye irritation in workers using it, and since it doesn’t clean as well as PERC on its own, dry cleaners often end up adding pretreatment chemicals. Don’t miss these 38 confessions from housecleaners who want to tell you what they’re really thinking when they’re in your home!

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Call a timeout! Don’t call a timeout! Spike the ball! Don’t spike the ball!

Coaches often have trouble with clock management. Quarterbacks in hurry-up mode often have trouble with clock management. But you know who really has trouble with clock management? A bunch of guys who have been drinking beer for three hours. Unfortunately, the Clock Expert Screamer never shouts a mea culpa: “My bad! I suppose Eli Manning practices and analyzes clock-management strategies more thoroughly than I do!”

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